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MEMOIRS 

OF 

THE LIFE 



MARTHA L AUK ENS RA3ISAY, 

WHO DIED IN CHARLESTON, S.C. 

ON THE 10th OF JUNE, 181L IN THE S2d YEAR OF HER AGE, 

WITH AN APPENDIX, 

CONTAINING EX I R ACTS FROM HER DIARY, LET- 
TEUS, AND O'l HER PRIVATE PAPEKS. 

AND ALSO 

TUOM LETTERS WRITTEN TO HER, BY HER. FATKtU.. 
HENRY LAURENS, 1771-1776. 

BY DAVID RAMSAY, M.D. 



Tli« cspcrimcnitl p«r( of ictigioo h-ti grnrrsllv * Rrr«fet influenre rlwn ilt ibecy. 
Mti.Rjwc't PoitbuiDout Lrltrt lo Ui . W«it« 



THIRD EDITION. 



hoston: 
riUXTEI) RV SAMLTJ. T. AUMSTRONii, 

uml sold at liis Theological Rookstorc, No. 6U, Conihill 
1812. 



DISTRICT OF SOUTH CAHOLlMJi—To roii: 
33e it remembered, That on the fifteenth day of July, 
Anno Domini one thousand eight hundred and eleven, and 
in the thirty sixth year of the independence of the United 
States of America, Eleanor Henry Laurens Ramsay, Martha 
Henry Laurens Ramsay, Catharine Henry Laurens Ram- 
say, and Sabina Elliott Ramsay, of the said District, haveae-> 
posited in this office the title of a book, tlie right whereof 
they claim as Proprietors, in the M'ords following, to ivit: 

Memoirs of the Life of Martha Laurens Ramsay, who 
died in Charleston, SC. on the 10th of June, 1811, in the fifty 
second year of her age; with an Appendix, containing Ex- 
tracts from her Diary, Letters, and other private papers, and 
also from Letters written to her by her father, Henry Lau- 
rens, 1771-1776. By David Ramsay, M.D. 

The experimental part of religion has generally a greater 
influence than its theory. 

Mrs. Ro-ive's Posthumous Letter to Dr. Watts. 
(L.S.) In conformity to the act of the Congress of the 
United States, intitled "An act for the encourage- 
ment of Learning, by securing the Copies of Maps, Charts, 
and Books, to the Authors and Proprietors of such Copies, 
during the times therein mentioned;" and a'so to an act inti- 
tled, "An act supplementary to an act, intitled an act for 
the Encouragement of Learning by securing the Copies of 
Maps, Charts, and Books, to the Authors and Proprietors 
of such Copies during the times therein mentioned; and 
« x^ending the benefits thereof to the Arts of Designing, En- 
graving, and Etching iiistorical and other Prints." 

JAxMES .7ERVEY, 
Federal Clerk, S. Carolina District, 






PREFACE. 



THE manuscripts vhich c^avc rise lo this pub- 
lication were found among the private papers 
of their author, Martha Laurens Ramsay, after 
her death, and were unseen by every human 
eye but her own, previous to that event. Tho 
first mention she ever made of them was in 
the full view of death, and only three days be- 
fore its fatal stroke. She then announced the 
drawer in which they were deposited, and a*, 
the same time requested, that after they were 
read they might be kept as a common book of 
the family, or divided among its members. 
They appeared, on perusal, to be well calcu- 
lated to excite serious impressions favorable 
to the interests of religion; for they were u 
practical, experimental comment on its nature ,;. 
and salutary effects even in this life. Its ten- % 
dency to promote hunjan happiness, and its i 
sovereign cfiicacy to tranquillize the mind and 
administer consolation under afflictions, disap- 
pointments, and trials. They exhibited an ex- 
ample which teaches more compendiously and 
forcibly than precept, the value of piety, and 
the comfort of submission to the will of tiod. 



IV PREFACE 

With this view of the subject it became an in^ 
teresting inquiry, how far it would be proper 
to withhold them from that more enlarged 
sphere of usefulness which would result from 
their publication? In determining this ques- 
tion, recourse was had to the opinions of the 
Rev. Drs. HoUinshead and Keith, under whose 
ministry the writer of the private papers, now 
published, had sat upward of twenty years, and 
to whom she wasintimatelyknown. They strong- 
ly recommended the publication as well calcu- 
lated to do good Their opinions and the reasons 
of them were given in the subjoined letters.* 

• A letter ft-omthe Rev Dr. HoUinshead to Dr. David 
Ramsay 

Charleston, S,C. July 1, 1811. 

BEAK SIR, 

The perusal of our much esteemed Mrs, Ramsay's paper's 
iias awakened in me many pleasing, though painful reflec- 
tions. The loss of such a friend and such a member of our 
church is unspeakable. Her example, while she abode with 
lis, was a living lecture on the importance of the human 
character in every part it has to act upon the stage of life, 
and eminently recommended the maxims and habits of our 
holy religion, as worthy of all acceptation The devout 
reflections of her retired hours exhibit a mind impressed 
with the great realities of its eternal interests, truly soicit- 
ous to improve in godliness and virtue, and highly favored 
at the same time with an intimate intercourse with heaven. 
Permit me to say, that I think the publication of tliese de- 
vout exercises of her heart, with a sketch of her life, might 
contribute mucli to the establishnjent and comfort of many 
pious exercised christians, wlio waik in fear and darkness, 
ior want of knowing liow others have been affected in scenes 
of trial like their own. It would be read with interest and 
improvement by christians in every situation whether of 



PREFACE. V 

In publishing^ to the world the private icHg- 
ious exercises of an indiviilual, it seemed u 
thing of course that some account of that in- 

procperitT or affliction. It would be peculiarly pratifyiri^ 
to a numerous circle to wlioiu every uienional ol their be- 
loved departed iVicnd will be pi-eeious. In presenting it to 
tlie comnuinity, which I tbirik no pe'son c;m so well do as 
yourself, you will perform an iiiteicstinganil acce|)tablc duly 
to society, and embalm, at the same time, the >irtueH and 
the memory of a most amiable christian. Your undertaking 
this will gratify many others as well as. 

Dear Sir, your truly sympathizing, and 
anectioiiate friend, 

W. HOLLINSUEAD. 



A letter from the Rev. I)r Keith, to Dr. David llanifa} . 

CUavlcstoiiy S.C. Juliets, ISll. 
DEAR Sin, 

The manuscripts wliicli you were so good as to leave willi 
me, I now return with my cordial thanks for the favor of 
having them submitted to my perusal. 

1 have reatl them with that close attention, with that live- 
ly interest, Mith that melancholy pleasur*.-, which have been 
naturally excited by the circumstance <»f their relating to a 
pers'jn, who stool high in my esteem ;unl regards as u 
christian and a friend wliile living, and whose precious mem- 
orv my hi-jit in disposed ever to cherish with the tenderu«t 
lumgled emotions of affection and regict. 

From the earliest period of my ac«juaintancc ^\ith .Mrs. 
Ramsay, 1 have considered her as a lady of a >ery superior 
mind, of di^[^osilil)ns eminently bene\olenl, friendly, and 
generous; and <»f those various and valuable accontplisli- 
iiients which could be derived only from the best eductlion, 
from an assiduous attention to the -.oM pi-opi r and efteetual 
means of ini|»ro\emenl. and from a loi»g and intimate in- 
tercpurse willi many of the first characters in h<;r native 
country and in Knrope. She wus, however, still much 
more honorably ami hap[)ily distingui-bcil by the grace ol 
Go<1, by which', in her early years, her heart wat renew 
ed and sanctified, and luuler the influence of wbieb. Ihrougb 
the succeeding course of her life, she exhibited io thw 
view of all aUeulivc aud judicious observers, a brightwitl 
»l 



VI PREFACE. 

dividual should be given at the same time; fov 
without some such knov/ledge, many of the 
reflections of the writer would be comparative- 



?ittractive example of the temper and conduct of a real 
christian. But it required that delineation of the senti- 
ments, feelings, and exercises ot her heait, which her own 
pen has drawn, for her own use in her most secret transac- 
tions with her Savior and her God to enable even her 
most intimate friends to see her character displayed in its 
brightest and most amiable beauties, in her deep and unaf- 
fected humdity, in her undissembied and uncommon sense 
of sinfulness and unworthiness, in her remarkable self de- 
nial, in rev.pect to worldly interests and enjoyments, in her 
strong and steadfast faith/trust, and hope, and quiet, sweet 
resignation, under the most painful ilisappointments, afflic- 
tions, and trials, in the fervor of her devotions, in the closet 
as well as in the family, and tlje sanctuary, and at the table 
of tlie Lord, in the overflowings of her benevolence, and 
charity toward all around her, according to their respective 
circumstances and in the ardor of her affections, esi)ecially 
to her own family and peculiar friends, expressed in her 
many praye.s for them, arul her often renewed solemn res- 
olutions to do every tiling within her power, by a consiien- 
tious, fiiitl.ful, cheerful performance of every personal, rel- 
ative, and religious duty for promoting their temporal, spir- 
itual, and eternal interests and happiness 

Truly "hei- walk: was close with God," and *'her light 
shone brightly befoi-e men." 

The impressions made on my mind by the perusal of 
these Memoirs of Mrs. Ramsay, and extracts from her 
Diarv, kc. have irresistibly led me to wish and earnestly to 
desire that they may be permittet! to ap])car in print To 
withhold such papers from (he public, would be to de^jrive 
many, vtry many, into v. hose hands they might come, of a 
most pleasing CMterlainment and a rich benefit. To her 
family and frioiids, in whose hearts she still lives, the vol- 
ume would be a most welcome !in<l precious memorial of 
what she was in herself, and of what slie was to them. 
Wliile to an extensive circle of readers, fond of books of 
this description, it would afford the desirable njeans of bc- 
cowJDg acquainted with the excellent and amiable character^ 



PREFACE. VU 

ly uninteresting, if not unintelligible. It was 
therefore resolved lo prefix to the manuscripts, 
some general account of the author, as far as 
was necessary, to throw light on their contents. 
The publication of these private papers was 
the original design, the publication of the life 
of their author only secondary and incidental, 
as an introduction to the effusions of her heart, 
which had been put on paper solely for her 
own private use. God grant that their publi- 
cation may be the means of exciting in others, 
and especially the connexions and friends of 

with the eminent christian virtues and attainments, of 
one who adorned every relation which she sustained, and 
filled witli dignity and usefulness, every sphere of life in 
which she moved 

I'hus, "she being dead, would continue to speak'' forci- 
bly and persuasively it is hoped, to the children of the world, 
in favor of the divine and blessed Savior, to whom she liv- 
ed and died; and more especially to the disciples and friends 
of this Savior, she would speak with the best eftect in the 
way of instruction, encouragement, and consolation, rela- 
tive to the various scenes of duty and trial, in which they 
itiay be called to be followeis of her, and of all like her, 
•'who, through failh and patience, inherit the promises " 

Under the inliuence of these, and similar reasons, you 
will, I trust, yield to the call of duty, and consider yourself 
as rendering an important service to the public, and a due 
tribute of praise to the God of all grace, by consenting to 
publish these valuable papei'S as soon as may be practicable. 

In all christian regards, including a tender sympathy to- 
ward yourself and your dear children, under every trial, 
and especially under this peculiarly heavy affliction, Mrs. 
K. cordially joins with. Dear Sir^ 

Your sincere, aud affectionate friend, Isaac S, Keiths 



X PREFACE. 

learning, had been great, ever since I was ca- 
pable of forming an opinion, and had an oppor- 
tunity to do it. But I can truly say, that these 
Memoirs have disclosed such a rare assem- 
blage of mental and moral excellencies, that 
until I read them, the half was not known to me. 
What a wonderful faculty she must have pos- 
sessed, of keeping concealed her superior qual- 
ties under the veil of so much apparently en- 
tire unconsciousness of her own uncommon su- 
periority. Surely, if in any instance, the left 
hand has not been allowed to know what the 
right hand doth, it is in this. I know not how 
to express the exalted opinion I now enter- 
tain of her unusual merit. I do not know when 
I have read any thing with more interest and 
delight. This may, in part, be owing to my 
having had the honor and pleasure of a per* 
sonal acquaintance with her; but I am sure 
that, independent of that circumstance, the 
effect would have been nearly the same. 
What a model of female excellence, in every 
point of view, do her biography and letters 
exhibit. I hope with you, and cannot but be- 
lieve, that these Memoii-a will prove ;i blessing 
to many readers." 

Ch#lestown, Msiss. May 1, 1812, 



MEMOIRS. 



MARTHA LAURENS RAMSAY was born 
in Charleston, S.C. on the third of November, 
1759. She was the daughter of Henry Laurens 
and of Eleanor Ball, and born in the ninth year 
after their marriage. By the father's side she 
was of French extraction. Her great grand 
parents were born in Rochelle, and suffered in 
the famous siege of that place. They were 
Hugonots or Protestants. Being, by the revo- 
cation "of the edictofNantz, compelled to leave 
their native country, they came to America in 
the latter end of the 17th century. Her ma- 
ternal ancestors migrated from Devonshire in 
England, and settled in South Carolina about 
the same time. 

In the first year of her life she had the small 
pox so severely that she was supposed to be dead, 
and as such was actually laid out preparatory 
to her funeral. This was done under an open 
window, instead of the close room in which she 
had been kept, according to the absurd mode of 
treating the small pox in 1760. Dr. Moultrie, 
coming in at this crisis, pronounced her to be 



12 MEMOIRS OF 

still alive, probably recalled to life by the fresh 
air of the open window. Under other circum- 
stances she would shortly have been buried, as 
was then commonly done, with persons who 
died of the small pox in that year of extensive 
mortality. A valuable life was thus providen- 
tially saved for future usefulness. 

Martha Laurens early discovered a great ca- 
pacity and eagerness for learning. In the 
course of her third year she could readily read 
any book, and, what is extraordinary, in an in- 
verted position, without any difficulty In youth 
, her vivacity and spirits were exuberant. Feats 
^/ of activity, though attended with personal dan- 
ger, were to her familiar; great exertions of 
bodily labor; romantic projects; excesses of the 
wildest play were preferred to stagnant life; 
but from all these she could be turned off in a 
moment to serious business. As she grew up, 
the same activity was exerted in acquiring the 
useful and ornamental parts of female educa- 
tion. She very so6n acquired a grammatical 
knowledge of the French language; a consid- 
erable eminence in reading, writing, arithme- 
tic, English grammar, geography, the use of 
the globes. She even acquircd^a considerable 
acquaintance with geometry* and mathemat- 
* Among her private papers has been found, accurately 
drawn byJicr haiul, the first plan of the present circular 



MRS. RAMSAY. 13 

ical science. At the same time she was inde- 
fatigable in cultivating an acquaintance with 
books; and, by means of abridging, transcrib- 
ing, and committing to memory, was very suc- 
cessful in retaining much of what she read. In 
accomplishments and the ornamental parts of 
education, she excelled, and in the exercise of 
them took great delight. 

In the 1 1th year of her age she sustained an 
immense loss by the death of her excellent 
mother; but this was in some measure made 
up by the maternal care of her good aunt, Ma- 
ry Laurens, the wife of James Laurens, whose 
sound judgment, refined manners, and eminent 
piety well fitted her for training up her orphan 
niece for both worlds. To her care, and to that 
of his brother, Henry Laurens committed the 
charge of his two daughters, while he went to 
superintend the education of his sons in Eu- 
rope. There he continued till the end of the 
year 1774, when love for his country brought 
him back to its defence against the aggressions 
of Britain. Thus, while Providence deprived 
Miss Laurens of the instructions and example 
of her natural mother, it raised up another 

church, but without the western projection afterward added 
by others. This preceded the elegant plan of the ingenious 
sirchitect, Mr. Mills, and was introductory to the motion 
■which ultimately terminated in the adoption of the ciicidar 
jurm. 



14 MEMOIRS O^ 

friend, who performed the maternal duties, 
with equal capacity, fidelity, and affection. 
Though she was deprived of the company of 
her wise and virtuous father, for almost the 
whole of that interesting period, which extend- 
ed from the 11th to the 22d year of her age, 
she continued to receive letters from him. 
From 1771 till 1775 his paternal instructions, 
communicated by letter, were calculated to for- 
ward the virtuous education of a beloved 
daughter, growing up with fair prospects of an 
ample fortune; but in and after 1775 he warned 
her of the probability that his estate would be 
forfeited, and that her father and brother in 
arms would lose their lives, and that she must 
prepare to maintain herself by her own exer- 
tions.* These anticipations were not fully re- 
alized; but the expectation of them had a direct 
tendency to assist in forming the solid educa- 
tion of the person to whom they were addressed. 
Miss Laurens, in her \2th year, began to be 
the subject of serious religious impressions* 
She was well instructed in the great gospel 
mystery of salvation by the atoning sacrifice of 
Jesus Christ for the sins of the world. And 
there is good reason to believe, that at a very 
early period she was brought by the grace oF 

* Set Appendix No. h for extracts from these letters. 



MRS. RAMSAY. 15 



God cordially to accept of salvation freely of- 
fered, though dearly purchased. 

In the 15th year of her age, in conformit 
to the advice of Dr. Doddridge, and in a form 
of words recommended by him, she prepared, 
and solemnly executed an instrument of writ- 
ing, called by her with great propriety, "A self 
dedication and solemn covenant with God." In 
this, after a suitable introduction, "she present* 
before her Maker the whole frame of her na- 
ture, all the faculties of her mind, and all the 
members of her body, as a living sacrifice holy 
and acceptable unto God.** And "not only con- 
secrates all that she was, and all that she had 
to his service, but humbly resigns to his heav- 
enly will all that she called hers, to be dispos- 
ed of as he pleased/'f In the Old Testament 
we several times read of the rulers, priests, 
and people among the Jews solemnly cove- 
nanting before God, to renounce their trans- 
gressions and to adhere to his service. In the 
9th and 10th chapters of Nehemiah there i« 
a particular account of a covenant to this ef- 
fect, drawn up in writing, and ratified by the 
names and seals of the persons who consented 
to it. Whether in addition to these examples 

f See Appendix, No. II. for an exact copy of this sol- 
emn act. The original will be showa to such friends aB 
may desire to see it. 



i 



16 MEMOIRS OF 

from holy writ, and the recommendation of Dr. 
Doddridge, there were any particular circum^ 
stances, which, at that time, induced Miss Lau- 
rens to enter into this written engagement to be 
the Lord's, is unknown. It is believed that she 
kept the transaction secret from all the world, 
and that the paper in question, now 37 years 
old, was never seen by any human being be- 
fore her death. At the time of its execution 
she was exactly fourteen years and seven weeks 
old, was in possession of all the comforts of life, 
and had as brilliant prospects before her as any 
of her sex in Carolina. The only serious afflic- 
tion she had then met with was the loss of her 
mother. This had taken place three years and 
seven months before, and the keen sensations 
occasioned thereby must, in the ordinary 
course of things, have been nearly worn off by 
time. The engagements thus solemnly en- 
tered into by Miss Laurens were in unison 
with her subsequent conduct through life. Of 
the sincerity of the transaction, on her part, 
on a view of all its circumstances, no doubt 
can exist. 

In the year 1775, James Laurens, his wife 
and two nieces, Martha Laurens and Mary 
Eleanor Laurens, afterward the wife of Charles 
Pinckney- went to England. Martha Laurens 
was received on her landing by her elder broth- 



MRS. RAMSAY. 17 

er, John Laurens, fron^ whom she had been 
ibr some years separated. Being older, he 
had taken great delight in forwarding her 
education, and particularly, in forming her 
mind to be superior to the common accidents 
of life, and the groundless fears of some of her 
sex. To ascertain whether his labors had been 
successful or not, he bribed the postillion to 
drive very rapidly, and at the same time with- 
out discovering his views, narrowly watched 
lier countenance, to observe whether there 
were any changes in it expressive of womanish 
fears, at the novel scene, so totally different 
from all her former travelling in the low, flat, 
stoneless country of Carolina. On the termin- 
ation of the experiment to his satisfaction, he 
announced to his unsuspecting sister his con- 
gratulations, that "he had found her the same 
Spartan girl he had left her.'* 

In 1775, when Miss Laurens left America, 
she destroyed all her private papers, except the 
act of self dedication, just mentioned. These 
•were numerous, though the last of them were 
written before she had completed her sixteenth 
year. They chiefly consisted of devotional re- 
marks on passing events; statements of the re- 
ligious exercises of her mind; a diary, and ex- 
tracts from books she had read. This destruction 
she often regretted, but consented to it, from the 
*2 



IB MEMOIRS OF 

prospect of an itinerant lite, during her exile 
from home, and still more, from the unsettled 
state of her native country on the commence- 
ment of the revolutionary war. The same 
process, with the exception of two papers,! and 
for the same reasons, was repeated some years 
after, when she went from England to France. 
During her residence in England she wrote 
much, and her subsequent regret was greater 
for its destr action.. t She afterward either dis- 

■\ See Appendix, No. III. for copies of these two papers. 

T Since writing this sentence the editor bad reason to 
hope, that something of importance, written by Miss Lau- 
rens, while in England, was still in existence, and in tlie 
possession of her intimate friend, Mrs. Braiisford; accoi'd.. 
ingly he, by lettei', asked for information, and requested if 
such writing existed, to be favored with its perusal. To 
his application the following answer was returned. 
Sir, 

In consequence of your application of yesterday, I enclose 
for your perusal two small books of reflections given me 
many years since, by my late m|^h loved friend, dear Mjs. 
llamsay; but under such injunctions that no human eye 
but my own should ever see them, that I never thought 
myself at liberty to show them, even to my beloved moth- 
er, aiid I can scarcely think myself justified in doing what 
I now do. Yet the very close relation in which you were 
united to licr, makes me particularly anxious to comply 
with your request; and 1 trust if her pure and highly exalt- 
ed spirit now beholds me, she does not disapprove this act. 
1 beg to be most affectionately remeiubered to youi dear 
family, And remain, sir, 

Your hunible servant, 

Ei^IXABETH DRAILSrORD. 

June 29, ISll. 

For the papers thus providentially brought to view, 
though their existence was unknown and unsuspected when 
tl^is work comit.c'{iced, see Appendix, No. lY. 



MRS. RAMSAY. 19 

continued writing, or destroyed what she wrote, 
for no papers of any consequence have been 
found among her manuscripts, as written dur- 
ing the subsequent seven years of her resi- 
dence in Europe. 

During tl e first years of the American rev- 
olution, and for a short period after its termin- 
ation, Miss Laurens resided in various parts 
of England, improving her mind and prepar- 
ing hersell for meeting the contemplated loss 
of her father, brother, and fortune by the 
events of the war, and at the same time doing 
every ofiice of love to her afflicted uncle. She 
afterward continued the same kind services to 
him for several years in France. In that coun- 
try, in the year '784, he was released by 
death,t from a long protracted, painful com- 
plaint, under which he had labored for the last 
ten years of his life; and his surviving friends, 
with pious sacrilege, stole for him a grave, in 
which they deposited his remains. Mr. James 
Laurens having no children of his own, pro- 
posed to leave the bulk of his estate to Miss 

•j- When Mr. James Laurens died in Vigan, his niece 
^lartha Lpurens was with her father in England. She 
started out of bed, and pronounced that her uncle was just 
dead; aud at iier request the day and hour wss com- 
n^itte.j to writing, by Miss Futerell. In the oi-dinary course 
t)f the poiits between the two countries, intelligence of his 
death arrivec', and the day and hour of it precisely corres- 
Xionded with wltat had been recorded as aforesaid ioli»igtaadv 



20 MEMOIRS OF 

Laurens, his faithful nurse and affectionate 
niece; but she peremptorily refused the ac- 
ceptance thereof to the deterioration of the 
reasonable expectations of her brothers and 
sister. The will was framed agreeable to 
her wishes; but the testator, in addition to a 
child's share, left her a specific legacy of five 
hundred pounds sterling, declared in his will 
to be "a token of his friendship for her; and as 
an acknowledgment for the services she had 
rendered to him and his family, and for her 
good and gentle conduct upon all occasions.** 

While Miss Laurens resided in England, she 
formed an acquaintance with many persons em- 
inent for their piety, and particularly with the 
countess of Huntingdon, by whom she was 
very much noticed. She highly prized the com- 
pany of such persons, and from them received 
both pleasure and improvement. 

After the treaty of France with congress, in 
1778, and particularly the rejection in the same 
year of the offers of Great Britain, for a reun- 
ion with her late colonies, the situation of the 
Carolina Laurens family in England was un- 
pleasant. Henry Laurens was at that time 
president of congress, and had officially con- 
ducted the correspondence of that body with 
the British commissioners, which terminated 
in a rejection of their offcrjv. Miss Luurens 



MRS. RAMSAY. 21 

was often obliged to hear her native country 
abused, and to read and hear her beloved fa- 
ther calumniated as a fomenter of the disputes 
between Britain and her colonies; and as an as- 
piring, ambitious man, wishing to rise to conse- 
quence at every hazard; but taught by his sage 
advice, and her own good sense, she shunned all 
political controversy. Unable to render her 
suffering country any other service, she daily 
offered up her fervent prayers in its behalf. 

Mr. James Laurens, his two nieces, and 
their aunt, or second mother, finding it expe- 
dient to leave England, passed over to France, 
and lived there till the re-establishment of 
peace. During the greatest part of this peri- 
od, of six or seven years, and the whole of the 
time of their residence in England, they were 
almost wholly cut off" from their usual means of 
support, for their property was in America, 
three thousand miles distant. War raged, and 
the Atlantic ocean rolled between them and 
it. In this forlorn situation they found ample 
occasion for all the comforts of that religion 
which they professed. X^^ greatest economy 
was necessary. A residence in Vigan was 
preferred on account of the cheapness of living 
There Miss Laurens spent her time usefully 
to her uncle, profitably to herself, and as pleas- 
antly as straitened circumstances, anxiety for 



22 MEMOIRS OF 

^er friends and native country, then the seat of 
war would permit. She had many opportuni- 
ties of improving" her mind by reading and con- 
versation, which she diligently improved. She 
and the family of her uncle received great ci- 
vilities from the French, for the same rea- 
sons that they received slights from the Eng- 
lish. But nevertheless, they had all abundant 
scope for the exercise of faith, patience, and 
trust in that Being to whom they had commit- 
ted all their concerns. Love to their common 
Father in heaven, and love and harmony among 
themselves sweetened their frugal repasts, and 
took away the bitterness of the cup of affliction 
from which they were obliged deeply to drink. 
In the year 1780, Miss Laurens's father was 
taken a prisoner, and confined on a charge of 
high treason in the tower of London, and his 
life staked on the success of the American 
revolution. If that had failed it would have 
been easy to have convicted him of the crime 
with which he was charged, and not easy to 
have saved him from the penalty annexed to 
it. The disorder of her uncle became daily 
worse, and required unceasing attention by 
night, and by day Charleston was taken by the 
British; Carolina overrun by their armies; re- 
mittances were not only rendered impossible, 
but the loss of the whole capital extremely 



MRS. RAMSAY. 2^ 

probable. The alarms ofher father, at the com= 
ineiicement of the war, seemed to be on the 
point of being realized. About the same time, 
intelligence was received that her dearly be- 
loved brother, John Laurens, had fallen in bat- 
tle. Under this complication of distresses, she 
found the wisdom and comfort of having se- 
cured a friend in her Maker, by a solemn cov- 
enant entered into with hirn in the morning of 
life, in the full enjoyment of health, and in 
^he fair prospect of every worldly blessing* 
From this source she drew much consolation, 
and bore up under every trial, trusting in Him 
to whom she had, in a most solemn manner, 
consecrated herself. In due time the clouds 
of adversity began to disperse; the prospects 
of America brightened. Her father was dis- 
charged from confinement, and after a separa- 
tion of seven years, she joined him in Paris, 
and presided over his domestic concerns, while 
he assisted in the negociations which termina- 
ted in peace and the acknowledged indepen- 
dence of the United States. The transition 
from the nurse's chamber, in a remote coun- 
try place, to the head of the table of a minister 
plenipotentiary in the metropolis of France, 
was great and sudden. Amidst the gaycties of 
Paris, in which she occasionally indulged, her 
Bible was lier companion and counsellor. She 



.24 MEMOIRS OF 

read it by day and meditated on it by night. * It 
had taught her to bear adversity with patience, 
resignation, and fortitude; and now kept her 
from the intoxication and follies, which are too 
apt to grow out of prosperity. 

About this time, Miss Laurens received 
from her father, a present of five hundred guin- 
eas. For some years before she had been 
obliged to live in restricted circumstances, 
from the impossibility of receiving supplies. 
To make up for this suspension of her father's 
usual liberality, he gave her the above men- 
tioned sum at once. Of this she appropriated 
only a small part to her own use. With the 
surplus she purchased one hundred French 
testaments, which was the whole number at 
market; gave them awayf among the poor, in 
and near Vigan, and also established a school 
for the instruction of the youth in the same 
place, engaged a master to preside over it, and 
constituted a fund to defray its annual expenses. 
There is reason to believe that the institution 
continues to this day, for the funds left were 
fully adequate to its support in that part of 

fMrs. Ramsay was vwy inuch in the habit of giving books 
as keefisakes. Fo young persons she generally gave the Bi» 
ble and Doddridge s Rise and Progress of Religion. Many 
persons both In Europe and in America, have received 
these books from lier, with a sliort memorandum iii her 
hand writing, pointing out tlieir important contents. 



MRS. RAMSAV. 25 

France, where the expenses of education and 
living were then astonishingly low. 

The restoration of peace to Carolina in 1 78Sj 
pointed out the propriety of the return of the 
inhabitants. Miss Laurens, with her aunt and 
sister, arrived in Charleston in 1785, after a 
long absence, comprehending something more 
than the whole period of the American revolu- 
tion. Their joy on finding their native coun- 
try at peace, and raised from the humble rank 
of a dependent colony to that of an independent 
state, was inexpressible. Now, for the first 
time, after leading an unsettled life for ten 
years, they found themselves at home. On the 
23d of January, 1787, Miss Laurens Mas mar- 
ried to Dr David Ramsay, and in the course 
of the ensuing sixteen years, became the 
mother of eleven children. Of these eight sur- 
vived, Mrs. Ramsay 'ndw displayed the same 
virtuous habits, and the same energy of charac- 
ter, in taking care of her children, in promoting 
her husband's happiness, ^and making a well 
ordered home his chi<ii delight, that had for- 
merly distinguished Miss Laurens in acquiring 
useful knowledge, and discharging the duties 
of a daughter, a sister, and a niece. Soon after 
she became a mother, she studied with deep 
interest most of the esteemed practical treatises 
on education, both in French and English, thrst 



26 ]y:EMOIRS OF 

she might be better informed of the nature 
and extent of her new duties. She gave a de- 
cided preference to the writings of Mr. Locke 
and Dr. Witherspoon on that subject. The 
object she proposed to herself was to obtain for 
her children, health of body and a well regu^ 
lated mind. To secure the former, they were 
from their birth daily washed in cold water, and 
throughout the whole period of infancy, per- 
mitted to expose themselves with uncovered 
feet, to wet and cold, and all the varieties and 
sudden changes of Carolina weather. To favor 
the latter, they were taught to curb their tem- 
pers; to subject their passions to the supreme 
dominion of reason and religion; to practise 
self denial; to bear disappointments; and td re- 
sist the importunity of present pleasure or 
pain, for the sake of what reason pronounces 
fit to be done or borne. She suckled all her 
children without the aid of any wet nurse; 
watched over them by night and day; and 
clung to them every moment of sickness or 
pain. They were the subjects of her prayers 
before they were born, and every subsequent 
day of her life. With one exception she de- 
voted them all to God in baptism, publicly in 
church, at a time, when private baptisms were 
common; for she rejoiced in every proper op- 
portunity of declaring to the world her fii-m 



MRS. RAMSAY. 2T 

"belief of the christian religion, and her respect 
for all its institutions. As soon as they were 
capable of receiving religious instruction, she 
liberally imparted it; and early taught them 
their miserable and corrupted state by nature; 
that they were born into a world of sin and 
misery; surrounded with temptations, and 
without a possibility of salvation, but by the 
grace of God, and a participation in the bene- 
fits procured for sinners, by the atoning sacri- 
fice of Jesus Christ, and at the same time, that 
God was the hearer of prayer, the tenderest of 
fathers, and the best of friends to all who put 
their trust in him. She early taught them to 
read their Bibles. That this might be done 
pleasantly she connected with it Mrs. Trim- 
mer's prints of scripture history; that it might 
be done with understanding, she made them 
read, in connexion with their Bibles, Watts's 
short view of the whole scripture history, and^ 
as they advanced to a proper age, Newton on 
the Prophecies; and such books, as connect 
3acred with profane history, and the OW with 
the New Testament; so that the Bible, though 
written in periods widely remote from each 
other, might appear to them a uniform, har- 
monious system of divine truth. Of this blessed 
book she enjoined upon them daily to read a 
portion, and to prize it as the standard of faith 



28 MEMOIRS OF 

aiid practice; as a communication from heaven 
on eternal concerns; as the word of God point- 
ing out the only way to salvation; as a letter of 
love sent from their heavenly Father to direct 
their wandering feet to the paths of truth and 
happiness. From it she was taught "that fool- 
ishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the 
rod of correction shall drive it far from him/* 
She therefore, on proper occasions, used the 
rod, but always with discretion and judgment, 
sometimes with prayer, often with tears, but 
never with anger. She was well acquainted 
with the plans of Rousseau, and other modern 
reformers, who are for discarding the rod and 
substituting confinement, and other visionary 
projects in its place; but considered them all 
as inferior in efficacy, to the prudent use of 
the rod; and believed that nothing injured the 
temper less, or more effectually promoted the 
proper end of punishment in young subjects, 
than corporal pain, applied judiciously and 
simultaneously with the offence; and that the 
modern substitutes for the rod often nourished 
a sullen obstinacy of temper, without mending 
the heart or practice. As her children ad- 
vanced in years, she conducted her sons 
through a course of education fitting them to 
enter college, and with the help of her tried 
^d accomplished friend, Miss Futerell, she 



MRS. RAMSAY. ^^ 

canied her (laughters at home through the sev- 
eral studies taught in boarding schools. In 
every period of her adult age, whether married 
or single, when, from accidental circumstances, 
she was the head of the family, and in health, 
she daily read to her domestic circle, a portion 
of the holy scriptures, and prayed with them; 
and frequently on particular occasions, with 
one or more individuals of it, and regularly, ev- 
ery Sunday, with her young white and black 
family, in addition to catechetical instructions 
given to both at the same time. In case of a 
temporary separation, extraordinary deliver- 
ance, providence, misconduct, or even of a 
quarrel among her boys, she would take the 
parties and present them with herself before 
the throne of Grace, and in a solemn address 
to their common heavenly Father, and her cov- 
enant God, state ajl the circumstances of the 
case, and implore of him by his grace, to give 
them the temper^ disposition, and views, which 
were suitable to cheir situation and condition.* 

* Tt is remarkable, that from and after the time col. John 
Laurens was killed in South Carolina, August 27th, 1782, 
his sister, the subject of these memoirs, then in Vigau, 
never put up a prayer for him, though she was previously 
in the habit of praying frequently for him; and his death 
was unknown to her for two or three months after it had 
taken place. She mentioned the fact, without pretending 
to account for it, and added, that she several times wonder- 
ed at iier omission of that usual part of her dutv, and rq- 



30 MEMOIRS OF 

She prized prayer as the courtier does a key, 
tliat at all times gives him access to the pres* 
ence of his sovereign; and in all the important 
transactions of her life, resolved on nothing 
till she had previously sought direction of God 
respecting it. She might be said to live a life 
of prayer, for she incorporated it with her 
daily business, and vi^as so habituated to its 
constant practice, that prayers frequently con- 
stituted a part of her dreams. Believing most 
thoroughly that God's providence extends to 
every event and every circumstance of the life 
of every human being, and subscribing to the 
doctrine of Dr. Leechman, in his excellent 
sermon on prayer, which she highly prized, 
''that it is as absurd to expect we shall arrive 
at virtue and happiness without prayer, as it 
would be for the husbandman to hope he shall 
have his usual crop, though he bestow none of 
his usual labor and industry;" she practically 
conformed to the apostolic precept "pray with- 
out ceasing,'* and daily brought before her 
Maker the cases of herself, family, friends, 
neighbors, and sometimes of strangers, whose 
situation was known to be interesting. 

She was a constant and devout attendant on 
divine service; steadily recorded the text, and 

solved to retire for the purpose of praying for her brother; 
but that in every such case, some sudden call or other Utt* 
expected event interposed to prevent her doing so. 



MRS. RAMSAY. 31 

occasionally made a short analysis of the ser- 
mon.* She generally spent a considerable 
part of the intervals of public worship, in cate- 
chising and instructing her children and ser- 
vants; in reading with them the Bible and 
other good books, particularly "Burkitt*s help 
and guide to Christian families." In perform- 
ing this duty, she placed her children around 
her, and read alternately with them verses in 
the Bible, and Watts's Psalms and Hymns, or 
sentences in other religious books, so as to 
teach tliem at the same time, by her examples 
the art of reading with emphasis and propriety. 
The exercise was occasionally varied by read- 
ing in the same manner the New Testament 
in Greek, with her sons, and in French with 
her daughters. From the seventeenth year of 
her age, she was a regular, steady, and devout 
attendant on the communion. In this she 
found so much comfort, that she regretted ab" 
sence from it, as a serious loss. She possessed 
herself of the names ot the new members ad^ 
mitted to it from time to time, and recordedf 

* These meraoranduras, with pious notices of passing- 
providences, prayers, and other religious exercises an(| 
records of the state of Mrs Ramsay's mind, on important 
occasions, \veve entered hy her in books iu the form of ^ 
diary, but with considerable chasms, for extracts from 
this diary, see Appendix, No V. 

■J- On one occasion, to the recora of the names of the pei^^ 



32 MEMOIRJ^ OF 

them as brothers and sisters in Christ, "wlioi- 
broke with her the bread of life, at the same 
table of their common Lord, and prayed for 
each individual of them, whether she had any- 
personal acquaintance with them or not, and 
took a particular delight in rendering to them 
and her other fellow communicants, every kind 
office in her power; for she had high ideas of 
the communion of saints among themselves, as 
being conjoined into one mystical body of 
Christ, throughout this world, and partly in 
heaven, all united under one common head, 
and bound to each other by peculiar ties. 

Mrs. Ramsay was uncommonly economical 
of her time. She suffered none of it to be 
•wasted. By rising early she secured the most 
valuable portion of it for devotion and business. 
A reasonable part of every day was spent in 
religious exercises. Much in reading well 
chosen books, and also in copying original 

sons admitted to the communion, the following verses are 
subjoined. 

Pity the Nations, O our God, 

Constrain t\b Horld to cotne; 

Send thy victorious word abroad. 

And bring the strangers home. 

We long to see lliy churches full, 
'J'hat all the ransomed race. 
May witii one voice, and heart, and SQn|^ 
Sing thy redeeming gi-uce* 



MRS. RAMSAY. 33 

papers for her father and husband;* much in 
working, for the accommodation of her fam- 
ily;! and much in teaching her children, and 
forming their minds to virtue, and knowledge,! 
and often a considerable part of it in writing- 

• She wrote very fast, and, at the same time, a round, 
distinct, legible hand Her father pronounced her to be the 
best clerk he ever employed; and it is well known to his 
contemporaries in business, that he had many, and that 
several of them were very good ones. In addition to many 
miuor services in copying, she transcribed for her husband 
his History <if tha American Revolution, Life of Washing- 
ton, Review of ihe Progress of medicine in the eighteenth 
century, and the early part of his Universal History, now- 
ready for publication, nor did she desist, till she had train» 
ed her daughiers to do as she had done. 

■f In every kind of female employment, she was very ex*- 
pert, and despatched a great deal of business in a little time. 
In reading, writing, and working, she was equally expedi- 
tious, and in each department, performed as much as could 
reasonably be expected from one who was exclusively em- 
ployed in that alone 

The amount done in every case was not diminished by 
the extremity o|' heat, in a Carolina summer. On the con- 
trary, she often impressed on her children, that steady, 
constant light work under cover, diminished the sensation of 
heat, whiie it was increased in the case of a listless, com^ 
plaining, unemployed person 

4: III teaching, Mrs Ramsay possessed more than ordina- 
ry resources, and took more than ordinary pains. For her 
first children, she compiled an English grammar, being dis- 
satisfied with Avhat had been written by Lowth. Ash, and 
others; but when she became acquaiated with Lindlay Mur- 
ray's writings, she laid aside her own compend, and receiv- 
ed his, as throwing- new light on what before was obscure. 
She taught her children, to read such books, as she pointed 
out to them, with care and attenticn; iind repeatedly, till 
the substance, not the words, of what they read, was im- 
printed on their minds. This she preferred to loading the 
memory with long extracts, committed verbatim. That 
they might be exercised in this more profitable way, she 
prepared questions, oa the most interesting portions of an- 



34 ]VIEMOIRS OF 

letters* to her absent friends. In these she 
was grave or gay as the subject required. In 
writing letters of consolation, to persons in 
affliction, she excelled. In other cases, where 
fancy was adnnissible, the sprightliness of her 
imagination, gave a brilliancy to trifles, which 
imparted to them an interest of which they 
seemed scarcely susceptible. With a few ex- 
ceptions she declined all visits in the day, as 
destructive of her plans formaki»g every hour 
turn to the best account. When the business 
of the day was ended, she indulged her social' 
habits. The number of books she read, was 
astonishingly great, and her memory uncom- 
monly strong, in retaining the substance of 
their contents. She could recite nearly the 
whole of Young's Night Thoughts, without 
book. Psalm and Prayer books, were to her 
unnecessary; for their contents were imprinted, 
in her mind. With the Holy Scriptures she 
was intimately acquainted, and could readily 
quote, or turn to any text, or passage, bearing 
on any present subject of conversation. The 

cient and modern histor}'; particuJarly, Asiatic, Roman, 
English, ati^- biblical history. These they were expected 
to answer h'om their general knowledge of the subject; 
but. without committing the answers to memory. She has 
left behind her three packets of historic questions of this 
Icind. which were her text book, in examining her children, 
when reading historical works. 
* For extracts from these letters, see Appendix, No. VI. 



MRS. RAMSAY. 85 

Latin and Greek classics, she had read in trans- 
lations, at a very early period. By catching 
from her brother, by studying^ occasionally his 
Latin grammar, and books; and by the aid of 
an accurate knowledge of the French language, 
and the general principles of grammar, as ap- 
plied to the English and French languages, she^^' 
laid such a foundation, that when she became 
the mother of children, for their sakes she ran 
over the Latin and Greek classics, in the short 
method recommended by Mr. Locke, so as to 
make her a profitable instructor to them, in 
these languages. With the same views, she 
began, and to a considerable extent prosecuted 
the study of botany. From the same versatility 
of genius, and habits of industry, after she Avas' 
married, she read with attention, most of the 
practical writers on medicine, that are usually 
put into the hands of medical students; and 
studied with particular interest, such of them, 
as treat of the diseases of women and children. 
In times of general sickness/when her husband 
was full of business, she frequently siiortened 
his labors, in studying cases of peculiar diffi- 
culty,' by running over his books, and finding 
similar cases; and collecting in one view, for 
his inspection, the opinions and practice of 
standard medical authors, on diseases of the 



36 MEMOIRS OF 

same nature. She was familiar with most of 
the modern works of genius, taste, and imagin- 
ation, written in the English and French lan- 
guage and enjoyed them. In solid learning, 
she was not deficient Locke's Essay on the 
Human Understanding, VVatts's Logic, Im- 
provement of the Mind, Philosophical Essays, 
and other works of science, were the studies of 
her youth. To these, as she grew up, she 
added natural and civil history, biography, 
astronomy, chronology, philosophy, voyages, 
travels, &c. In divinity, she read much of 
what was practical, but rarely looked into any 
thing that was controversial. A few funda- 
mental doctrines, such as free salvation, by the 
atoning sacrifice of the coequal Son of God, and 
sanctification by the Spirit, she considered as 
essential, and worth contending for; but dis- 
putes on minor, unessential points, she consid- 
ered as injurious to peace, harmony, and the 
best interests of religion, and would not waste 
lier time in studying them, any farther than 
making up her opinion on particular points, 
from what appeared to her own mind, to be re- 
vealed in the word of God. If that was silent, 
or did not decide for or against any opinion, or 
practice, she took no farther pains in its inves- 
tigation. Though she highly delighted in the 



JVlRS. EAMSAY. ol 

eftuslons of genius, and elegancies of fine 
writing, she found great profit and pleasure in 
reading the plain, but substantial, practical 
works of some of the old divines, of the seven- 
teenth, and early periods of the eighteenth 
cenuiry. Baxter, Flavel, Boston, Owen', Allen, 
Drelincourt, Henry, Burkitt, Watts, and Dod- 
dridge, and some others of the same stamp, 
Avere her favorite authors. These she read 
with attention, and underscored with a pencil 
such passages as were most interesting. From 
Henry's Exposition of the Scriptures, she made 
considerable transcripts, which have been 
found in packets of her writing. She felt a 
particular interest in the prosperity of a family 
in Charleston, descended from the famous 
Thomas Boston, of Ettrick, in Scotland, author 
of a book, entitled, '^The Crook in the Lot, or 
the Sovereignty and Wisdom of God, in the 
afflictions of man;" from the reading of which, 
she had received much comfort and benefit. 
Ouen on Indwelling Sin, and Flavel on Provi- 
dence, and on keeping the heart, she repeat- 
edly re?vd. Among her papers has been found.an 
abridgment of the last mentioned work, made 
by herself, and written with her own hand.* 

• ABRIDGMENT. 

To keep the heart, is carefullj to preserve it from sin, 
which (hsorders it, and mahitaiu that spiiituai frarae, which 



33 MEMOIRS OF 

From this strict discipline of the heart ob- 
tained by the meanb before mentioned conse- 

fits it for a life of communion with God; and this keeping 
of the heart, includes in it these six acts 1st. Frequent 
examinations of the fran e of the heart turning in, and ex- 
amining how the case stands with it. 

2d. Deep humiliation, unde. a sense of soul disorders^ 
awid heart evils. 

SiU Earnest prayer to God, for heart purif} hig and recti- 
fying grace; when sin ha'h defiled ai-si disordered it. 

4l.h. I'he iniposini.'- of-sti ong engfi!:;em Mits and bonds upon 
oui'selves to wa'k more accnratelv wiih (iod, and a\oid the 
occasions, whereby the heart may be induced to sin. 

5th. A constant; holy jealousy, over our own hearts; 
and 

6fh. A realizing sense of God's presence with us, and a 
setting the Loi-d al\v:iys before us. 

To keep tlie heait, is hard work; constant work, and 
the most iuiportant work; the honor of God; the sincer- 
ity of ou profession; the beauty nt our conversation; the 
comfort of our souls; the improvenjent of our graces and 
our stability in the hour of temptation, are all wrapt up in, 
and dependent on our care and sincerity, in heart work. 

, Jllotives for heepi7ig the heart. 

1st- 1 he studying and keeping the heart, helps the un- 
derstanding in the dee]) mysteries of religion. 

2d. It preserves it against the infection of dangerous er- 
rors. 

3(\ ft is one of the best evidences of sincerity. 

4th All ordinances would be fruitful, sweet, and comfort- 
able, if our hearts yvere better kept, 

5th. Acquaintance with the heart, furnishes a fountain of 
matter for pi-ayer. 

6th. B} keeping the hcdrt, the decayed power of religion, 
■will be recovered among professors 

7th. By diligently keeping the heart, we shall prevent, 
and remove scandals and stumbling blocks out of the world, 

8th A heart well kept, will fit us foi ar y condition, God 
casts us into, or any service he hath to use us in. 

9th Diligently to keej) the heart would exceedingly 
sweeten the communion of saints. 

10th. By keeping the heart, the comforts of the spirit, 
aad precious iufiutvnces of all ordinances would be fixed. 



MRS. RAMSAY. 39 

quences resulted \yhich were not contemplated. 
In attendance on the communion, and other 

and much longer preserved on the soul than thej-^ now are. 
Look over cli-^se ten special b nefits; weigh them in a 
just balance. Are they small mntters? Is it a sraa'l thing 
to have thy weak uuderstaudiag assisted: thine endangered 
soul aiitidoted; thy sincerity cJeared; thy eomiTiunioa 
■with God sweetened? Is it a s uall tiiiag to have the de- 
cayed power of Godliness revived? all fatal scandals re- 
moved; the comraunim of saints restored to its primitive 
glory, and the influences of ordinances, abidi.ig in the soals 
of snints? If these be no common bl-^ssings, no small bene- 
fits; then surely it is a great duty to keep the heart witbi 
all diligence. 

Special tnenns fnr keepinic the heart. 

Means 1st Would you thus keep your heart as hath 
been recommended; then furnish your hearts richly with. 
the word of (iod, which is the best preservative agaiq^t sin. 

2d Call vovir hearts f? eqa<;nt y to an account, If ever 
you mean to keep them with God. 

3d. Take heed of plu »giiig into such a mu!tip'ieity of 
earthly business as you cannot manage witliout neglecting 
your main business 

4th. (carefully observe the heart's first declensions from 
God, and s^.op them the e 

5th Take heed of losing the liveMness, and sweetness of 
your communion with God, lest thereby your hearts be 
loosed OiTfrom Cod 

6th Habituate thy heart to spiritual meditation, if thou 
wouidst have it freed from base burdensome diversion. 

Words of consolation to those who are piying heart work, 
groaning and weeping, in secret, over the "hardness, pride, 
earthiiness, and vanity of their hentts; fearing and trem- 
bling over the experienced deceitful ness, and falseness of 
them. 

1st. This a'-gues tlie heart to be upright and honest, 
whatever thy otaer gifts and abiities may be. 

2d. God woulil never leave thee under so many heart 
troubles and burdens, if he intended not thy real benefit 
thereby. 

3d* God will shortly put a blessed end to all these 
troubles, cares, and watching. The time is coming when 



40 MEMOIRS OF 

religious exercises, ihe subject of these 
memoirs seldom had any wandering thoughts. 

thy heart shall be as thou would^t have it, when thou shalt 
be discharged of all these cares, fears, and sorrows, and 
never cry out, Oh ray hard, my proud, my vain, my earth- 
ly heart, any more. When a I darkness shall be banished 
from thy understanding, and thou shalt clearly discover all 
truths in (iod, that crystal ocean of truth, when all vanity, 
shall be purgetl out of thy thoughts, and they be everlast- 
ingly, ravishingiy and delightfully entertained and exercised 
upon that supreme goodness, and infinite excellency of God, 
from whom they shall never start any more, like a brokea 
bow. And, as for thy pride, passion, earthliness. and all 
the other matters of thy complaint and trouble, it shall be 
said of them, as of the Egyptians to Israel, ''Stand still, 
and sec the salvation of God " These corruptions thou 
seest to day; henceforth, thou shalt see them no more for 
ever; when thou shat lay down th} weapons of prayers, 
tears, %pd groans; and put on the armor of light, not to 
fight, but to triumph in. 

"Lord, when shall this blessed day come? how long, how 
long, holy and true? My soul waiteth for thee; come my 
beloved, tome, O come quickly, and deliver me from this 
body of sin and death. 

Rules to keep the heart from distractions by vain thotights^ 
in times of duty. 

Help 1st. Sequester yourselves from all earthly eniploy- 
ments, and set apart some time for solemn preparation tO' 
meet God in duty Oh my soul, leave trifling; now be 
composed, watchful, and serious; this is no common work; 
it is God work, soul work, eternity work. Pause a while 
upon thy sins, wants, and troubles; keep thy thoughts a 
Avhile in these, before thou address thyself to God. 

2d Having composed thy heart b} previous meditation, 
presently set a guard upon thy senses. 

3d. Beg of God, a mortified fancy; when thy fancy is 
more mortified, thy thoughts will be more orderly and 
fixed. 

4lh. If thou wouldst keep thy heart from these vam ex- 
cursions, realize to thyself by faith, the holy and awful 
presence of God, in duties. 

5th. Maintain a praying frame of heart in the inlervals 
of duty. 



MRS. RAMSAY. 41 

What was begun with a view to religious im- 
provement, extended to other matters. From 

6th. Endeavor to engnge, and raise thy affections to 
God, in duty, if thou wouldst have thy distractiotis cured. 

7th. Mourn over the matter to God, and call iu assistance 
from heaven, where vain thoughts assault thy heart in 
duty 

8th Look upon the success, and sweetness of thy duties, 
as very much depending upon the keeping of thy heart 
closely with . od in them. 

9th. Look ujjon it as a great discoveiy of the sincerityj, 
or hypocJsy of your hearts, according as you find them 
careful or careless in this matter 

iOth. It will he of s;)ecial use to keep thy heart with 
God in duties, to consider what influence all thy duties 
have on thine etdnity. 

To this is subjoined the following impressive prayer, and 
act of contrition. 

»"28th August 179"» 'And now having lately re^d this 
little book of Mr. Flavel's, on Keeping the lleai't, witli 
great attention, and endeavored to fix in my memory the 
above rules; may God enable me to profit by them, to la- 
bor to keep my heart with all diligenccj that so I may 
have an evidence to my own mind, that I am in earnest 
about religimi; and that whenever my Lord shall come, he 
may find me tlms watching, and thus praying; Lord I am 
weak I am vile lam a poor backsliding creature, oftea 
wa.idering, turning back to folly and relapsing into sins, 
over wh'ch t hoped I had gained some power. Oh hold 
ihou me up; watch tor me, and so shall I be safe. Oli 
keep me from sin. or remove me from the land of sinning. 
Oh thou who searchest the heart, and triest the reins, thou 
kriowest that sin is my greatest burden; and yet aias, too 
often 1 fall into it; so that sometimes, 1 am ready to de- 
spair, and my soul is filled with Hie anguish offemorseand 
repentance; and yet I am not cured Oh sweet Jesus help. 
Oh friend of sinnci s, save. I know that it is an evil, and a 
bitter thing to depa t from God; and jet T am bent to 
bi^cksliding; none can he'p but thou, <»hr:hrist; trembling 
1 come to thee, whom I have so often oftended: yet to 
whom should I go. but to thee, who alone hast pardon and 
eternal life for such a wretch, such a rebel, such a daily, 
hourlv, offender as 1 am,' 
*4 



4«i MEMOIRS OF 

habit she acquired such complete commaiKT 
over her thoughts, that she could fix them by 
an act of her will on science or business as 
•well as on religion, so as to confine them to 
their proper object for the time without inter- 
ruption. 

In discharging relative duties, Mrs. Ramsay 
•vvas exemplary. As a child, she had a high 
opinion of parental authority; and to it she con- 
ceived herself as owing implicit obedience in 
every case not plainly inconsistent with the du- 
ty due to her God. It was therefore a standing- 
order to her servants, without a moment's de- 
lay, and without announcing the circumstance, 
to call her, not only from business, but frcift 
her most private retirement whensoey'^'her 
father called for her services. She had no 
scruple of doing that for him on Sui days, about 
which she had scruples of doing for herself. 
She reasoned thus; "Children, obey your par- 
ents in all things, for this is well pleasing to 
the Lord," Col. iii, 20; is a divine command. 
The same authority which enacted the fourth 
commandment also enacted the fifth, and the 

**Lor(l, my lianrls bang down from faintneFs in tlie way 
of duty, and my feet go Inmely in the jjatli of holiness Oh, 
Jet thy ^vAce deliver me fi-om every weight, especially 
IVom my most easily bescl|ii:g sin; that so neither any 
hidden it)if|iiity nor presumptuous transgfcssion may ever 
have doiiiiiiiuu ovcv me." 



MRS. RAMSAY. 4S 

winor duty should yield to the major. Never 
was there a daughter more devoted, attached^ 
and obedient to her parent than she was; and 
her conduct flowed, not from instinct, accident, 
or example, but from principle. In the same 
manner she had determined what were her con- 
ju,^al duties. She was well acquainted with the 
plausible reasonings of modern theorists, who 
contend for the equality of the sexes; a'nd 
few females could support their claims to 
that equality on better grounds than she 
might advance; hut she yielded all preten. 
sions on this score, in comformity to the 
positive declarations of holy writ, of which 
the following were full to the point, and in 
her opinion outweighed whole volumes of 
human- reasoning. "In sorrow, thou shalt 
bring forth cliildren, and thy desire shall be 
to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." 
Gen. iii, 16. "Wives, submit yourselves 
unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. 
For the husband is the head of the wife, 
even as Christ is the head of the church; and 
he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the 
church is subject unto Chirst, so let the wives 
be to their own husbands in every thing.'* 
Eph. v, 22, 23, 24. In practice, as well as tlie- 
ory, she acknowledged the dependent, subordi-^ 
n:ate condition of her sex; and considered it as 



44 MEMOIRS OF 

apart of the curse denounced on Eve, as being 
"the first in the transgression." 1 Tim. ii, 13, 
14. The most self denying duties of the con* 
jugal relations being thus established on a di- 
vine foundation, and illustrated by those pecu- 
liar doctrines of revelation on which she hung 
all her hopes, the other duties followed by an 
easy train of reasoning, and were affectionate- 
ly performed. In this manner, the subject of 
these memoirs used her Bible as a system 
of practical ethics, from which she acquired 
a knowledge of her true station, and also de- 
duced such excellent rules of conduct in life, 
as might be expected from correct principles.* 
As a parent v>^ho had brought chilaren in- 

• To illustrate this, in detail, might excite a smile. Suf- 
fice it therefore to observe in general, that these reason- 
ings, from scripture, on the condition and duties of wives 
V. ere not imposed or even suggested to the subject of Hiese 
memoirs. They were entirely her own; and had such a 
practical influence on her opinions, that she received the 
attentions of her husband as favors, and was in the habit 
of subscribing herself in letters to him his 'obliged and 
grateful wife" These seed ideas expanded into principles 
of action, which led her to make ail her conduct subservi- 
ent to her husband s happiness. To tliis end she gave up 
every separate scheme, and identified her views and ].ur- 
suits with his, and arranged all her domestic concerns, so 
as most effectualiy to promote his comfort, anticipated his 
wishes, alleviated his cares, charged herself with the edu- 
cation of her children, the management of her servants 
and family affairs, so as to leave for him little else to do 
than to follow the bent of his own inclinations, with as com- 
plete exemption from the burden of domestic cares as was 
possible; and in addition assisted him, as far as was in her 
power, in his professional labors and studies. Like lier 



MRS. RAMSAY. 45 

to a world of sin and misery, without their 
consent, she considered herself as bound, in 
common justice, to do every thing in her pow- 
er for their comfort in passing through it. She 
thought no pains too great, no sacrifices too 
hard, provided her children were advanced by 
them. In addition to her steady attention to 
their education she exerted herself to keep 
them constantly in good humor; gave them 
every indulgence compatible' with their best 
interests; partook with them in their sports; . 
and in various ways amused their solitary hours ^ 
so as often to drop the mother in the compan- 
ion and friend; took a lively interest in all their 
concerns, and made every practicable exertion 
for their benefit. From the Bible she was 
taught, "Fathers, provoke not your children to 
anger, lest they be discouraged.'* Col. iii, 21. 
On this text she often commented verbally, 
and every day practically. From it she drew 

father, who seldom slept more than four hours in the twen- 
ty-four, she slept very little, and that so lightly that the 
smallest noise awaked her hhe was therefoi-e, the first to 
receive professictnal messages in th« hours allotted to re- 
pose. After getting the necessary information, she so ar- 
ranged matters- that these unseasonable calls were a'tendet^ 
with the least possible inconvenience to her husband. In 
copymg for him, and tracing, through a variety of anth(»rs, 
«n} subject on Avnich he occasionally asked her aid, she 
shortened his literary la''0:'S. buch were the pi'inciples 
and conduct of a wife who had read Mary Woolstoncraft's 
Rights of Women, but studied her Bible with care m^ 
attention, as the standard of faith and practice. 



46 MEMOIRS OF 

several rules of conduct in her behavior toward 
her children. As a child, she was for implicit 
obedience, but as a mother was very moderate 
in urging her parental rights, and avoided, as 
far as consistent with a strict education, every- 
thing which might "provoke her children to 
anger." Under this general head she consid- 
ered as forbidden, unnecessary severity, sar- 
casms and all taunting, harsh, unkind language; 
overbearing conduct, high toned claims of su- 
periority; capricious or whimsical exeitions of 
authority, and several other particulars, calcu- 
lated to irritate children or fill them with ter- 
ror. On the other hand, she considered par- 
ents as required by this precept to curb their 
own tempers; to bridle their passions; to make 
proper allowances for indiscretions and follies 
of youth; and to behave toward their offsprings 
ia the most conciliatory manner, so as to secure 
their love and affections on the score of grati- 
tude. These and several other rules of con- 
duct in the discharge of relative duties were 
not taken up at random, but derived from rea- 
son and reflection, and especially from an .at- 
j&ntive consideration of the preceptive part of 
the word of God. Happy would it be for soci- 
ety if all its members used their Bibles for 
similar purposes. 



MRS. RAMSAY. 47 

The reac^er will by this time expect to be 
informed that a person so industrious 
in business, with such moderate views of 
worldly ei joyment, and so devoted to God and 
active in his service, would be crowned with a 
large proportion of tcnsporal blessings. But 
this was not always the case. Witn her, pros- 
perity and adversity alternated. Good and evil 
followed each other in succession. For sev- 
eral cf the last years of her life, in addition to 
long continued and frequent attacks of painful 
disease, sufficient to have laid by a less active 
person, she had to struggle with restricted cir- 
cumstances. From several unpropitious events, 
perplexing embarrassments resulted.* From 

* Nearly the whole of Mrs. Ramsay's paternal estate 
consisted of un|)roductive Georgia lands, which, from the 
unsettled state of our foreign relations for the last fifteen 
years of her life would either not sell, or if jii^evlously sold, 
were not paid for The most valuable part of it, for the 
eighteen years it was in her possession, produced nothing 
but annual taxes The bulk of the residue, though sold in 
the year 1793, has realized so little, that the sum originally 
due thereon, '21,4'i38 dollars, instead of being lessened by 
payments, had in the coarse of the last thirteen years of 
her married life, increased, by the accumulation of inter- 
est, to upward of 30,000 dollai-s of which neither principal 
nor interest could be commanded The hm'ricane of 1804 
frustrated a verbal contract for the sale of another portion 
of her paternal Georgia lands, for five thousand pound* 
sterling, which still remains unsold and unproductive. Two- 
Iiouses, which descended to her from her uncle, James 
liaurens, were burnt in t!ie great fire of 1796 The hurri- 
cane of 1804 also frustrated a verbal contract for the sale of 
v:ome of her husband's lands for i^4,000 dollars, wiiich btU! 



48 MEMOIRS OF 

whatever source they originated, the subject of 
these memoirs had no agency in producing 
^hem, nor any ground for self reproach ^s be- 
ing in any way accessory to them. The battle 
is not always to the strong, nor the race to the 
swift; nor is success in the pursuits of life in- 
variably the effect of industry, economy, and 
moderation in expenses. Respecting' these 
things there is an overruling Providence. The 
continuance ©r the interruption of health, the 
power to get or retain wealth come from God. 
The subject of these memoirs was neither the 
first nor the last of the favorites of Christ whom 
he has led to heaven otherwise than by a path 
strewn with, flowers. God does not always suf- 
fer his children to pass through life without 
afflictions and sorrows, lest they should forget 
that this is not their abiding city; lest their de- 
sires after the heavenly inheritance should be 
cooled or extinguished. These apparent evils 
have a certain, though to us a secret connex- 
ion with our future and most important des- 
tinies. They are necessary links in the chain 

remains unproductive; and in addition 25,000 dollars paid 
by him between the years 1792 and 1797 !• ward torupiet- 
inglhe J^anlee canal, have hitherto i)roduced no incon.e to 
him or any one else, but one and a lialf per cent on the cap- 
ital, and that only for two years of the eigliteen which Inve 
elapsed since his first advances were made towani this pub- 
licl} beneficial, lut hitherto privately ruinous project. 



MRS. RAMSAY. 49 

conducting' from earth to heaven, and make us 
quit our eager grasp of the one, and fix our af- 
fections on the other. The storms of adversi- 
ty, in this life, will make us enjoy, with a high- 
er relish, the unclouded serenity of that which 
is to come. In her case, the result, though 
painful to her feelings, was highly favorable to 
her improvement in the christian virtues of pa- 
tience and resignation. No doubt exists of 
her now wearing a brighter crown, and enjoy- 
ing a greater harvest of happiness, as a reward 
for having borne her reverses of fortune, and 
also long continued painful diseases, not only 
without murmuring, but with cheerfulness. In 
sickness and adversity, she was the same self 
possessed, unrepining, submissive, satisfied 
christian she had been in the days of her health 
and prosperity, and was discontented with 
nothing but her heart. Her maxim was not to 
complain of God, but to God. To him she went 
vvuth all her burdens and cares, and sweetly re- 
posed on his Almighty arm. Her unabated 
confidence in her Mukcv; her unconditional 
submission and cheerful resignation to his will, 
took away from adversity its gloom, and threw 
over it a cheerful liglit. The workings of her 
mind, under these pre ssuies, as recorded in 
hsr manuscripts, prove her high attainments, 
5 



50 l^EMOIRS OF 

in the christian life, and were probably one 
cause of them. In all her distresses, the bur- 
den of sin lay heavier on her mind than the 
burden of outward troubles. She was much 
more reconciled to death as closing the scene 
of her sinning, than that of her suffering. She 
found great satisfaction in reading Drelincouit 
on Death, and Watts's World to Come. Shortly 
before her last sickness, she brought to her 
husband and requested him to read a speech 
delivered a hundred years ago at the grave of 
a pious person by the Rev. Mr. Peter Sterry, 
which is preserved in the 35 2d page of VVatts*s 
World to Come. In it she had underscored the 
following sentiments as expressive of her feel- 
ings, with respect to the contemplated ap- 
proaching commitment of her body to the 
grave, and its consequent dissolution therein. 
"We do for ourselves and for this our dearly 
beloved in the Lord accept of thee, O grave, 
and readily deliver up her body to thee. It is 
a body that hath been weakened and wearied 
with long affliction and anguish; we freely 
give it unto thee; receive it, and let it have in 
thee a quiet rest from all its labors; for thus we 
read it written of thee, 'There the wicked 
cease from troubling, and there the vvcary are 
at rest.' 



MRS. RAMSAY. 51 

"But we know thee, O grave, to be also a 
devourer, and yet we can freely deliver up the 
body unto thee. There was in it a contracted 
corruptibility, dishonor, and weakness; take 
them as thy proper prey; they belong to thee, 
and we would not withhold them from thee. 
Freely swallow them up for ever, that they 
may appear no more. 

"Yet, know, O grave, that there is in the 
body, considered as once united to such a soul, 
a divine relation to the Lord of life, and this 
thou must not, thou canst not dissolve nor de- 
stroy. But know, and even before thee, and 
over thee be it spoken, that there is a season 
hastening wherein we shall expect it again 
from thee in incorruption, honor, and power. 

"We now sow it unto thee in dishonor; but 
expect it again returned from thee in glory. 
We now sow it unto thee in weakness; we ex- 
pect it again in power. We now sow it unto 
thee a natural body; we look for it again from 
thee a spiritual body." 

The life of Miss Carter was one of the last 
books Mrs. Ramsay read; and she indulged 
the pleasing anticipation of speedily forming 
an acquaintance with a woman of her fervent 
piety and great attainments. But of all the 
inhabitants of heaven, she longed most for the 



52 MEMOIRS OF 

acquaintance of Dr. Watts, whose divine songs, 
most of which she had committed to memory, 
had administered much to her comfort by- 
night and by day. 

From the first moment of her last sickness 
she had a presentiment that she would not sur- 
vive it. This gave her no alarm. She made 
preparations for, and arranged the circumstan- 
ces of her funeral, with the same calmness 
and self possession she would have done in the 
days of her best health, when preparing for a 
journey or voyage. She directed that her fu- 
neral should be private; her coffin plain and 
without a plate; that Dr. Hollinshead should 
perform his ministerial duties on the occasion 
in her own house, before a few of her most par- 
ticular friends. Her coffin was accordingly 
made of Carolina cedar. After she had given 
these directions, her disease seemed to yield; 
but she insisted that her feelings convinced her 
to the contrary. She suffered grievous pains 
in sundry periods of her last illness. To assist 
her in supporting under them she deliberately 
surveyed her manifold sins as the procuring 
cause of all pain, and also took a distinct view 
of the sufferings of Christ, and then asked her- 
self, shall not I who have so grievously sinned, 
quietly submit to pain, which I deserve, since 



:mrs. kamsay. 53 

the innocent Jesus suffered so much for me? 
On the last day, but one of her life she lay for 
some considerable time in a warm bath. 
While there, she directed the following hymn 
from a collection of hymns presented to her by 
the countess of Huntingdon^to be read to her. 

When languor and disease hivade 
Tliis tienibling- house of clay, 
'Tis sweet to look beyond our cage, 
And long to fly away. 

Sweet to look inward and attend 
The whispers of liislove; 
Sweet to look tip ward to the place 
Where Jesus dwells above. 

Sweet to look back and see my name 
In life's fair book set down; 
Sweet to look for wani and behold 
Eternal joys my own. 

Sweet to reflect how grace divine 
My sins on Jesus laid; 
Sweet to remember that his blood 
My debt of suff 'rr g paid. 

Sweet in his righteousness to stand. 
Which saves fiom second death; 
Sweet to experience day by day. 
His Spirit s quick'ning breath. 

Sweet on his f ithfulness to restj 
Whose love can never end; 
Sweet on his covenant of grace 
For uU things to depend. 
*5 



54 MEMOIRS, &C. 

Sweet in the confidence of faith 
To trust his firm decrees; 
Sweet to lie passive in his hands 
And know no will but his. 

If such the sweetness of the streams. 
What must the fountain be, 
Where saints and ang-els draw the bliss 
Immediately from Thee. 

She repeated .the two last lines of every verse 
with eyes directed to heaven, as expressive of 
their coincidence with her views. She had fre- 
quently, in the course of her sickness, given 
animated exhortations to her children and oth- 
ers to make choice of God for their portion, 
and also particular directions how to manage 
the family after she was gone. About four 
o'clock, i». M. June 10th, 1811, she asked 
her husband and children if they were willing 
to give her up. They evaded the question; 
but she in direct terms informed them that she 
had sometimes felt a repugnance to death on 
their accounts, but assured them that God had 
now made her entirely willing to give them 
all up; and in about an hour after expired. 



APPENDIX No. I. 

LETTERS FROM HENRY LAURENS TO MARTHA 
LAURENS. 

Philadelphia, August 18, 1771. 

MY dearest Patsy, remember my precepts, be 
dutiful, kind, and good to your aunt; learn to 
prevent all her wishes and commands; you can 
do so if you please. God has blessed you with 
sufficient abilities. Let all your reading, your 
study, and your practice tend to make you a 
wise and a virtuous woman, rather than a fine 
lady; the former character always comprehends 
the latter; but the modern fine lady, according 
to common acceptation, is too often found to 
be deficient both in wisdom and virtue. Strive 
then, my dearest girl, to be virtuous, dutiful, 
affable; courteous, modest; and be assured that 
you will become a fine lady. Set God before 
your eyes my dear child; pray to him; place 
your whole confidence in him; and strive to do 
his will; so shall you never be dismayed. 



5d LETTERS FROM HENRY LAURENS 

TROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

Westminster y May 18, 1774. 
MY DEAR PATSY, 

I HA.VE recollected your request for a pair 
of globes; therefore, I have wrote to Mr Grubb 
to ship a pair of the best eighteen inch, with 
caps and a book of directions, and to add a case 
of neat instruments, and one dozen Middleton's 
best pencils, marked M. L. directed to your 
uncle, who will deliver them to you. When 
you are measuring the surface of this world, 
remember you are to act a part on it, and 
think of a plumb pudding* and other domestic 
duties. 



FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

Ckarkston, S. C- Feb. 29, 1776. 
MY DEAR DAUGHTER, 

WHEN I look around me and behold increas- 
ing preparations for civil war; every man seem- 

* The pleasantry about tlie pliinib pudding:, liad its effect. 
Miss I -aureus made a pudding bt fore she begun to make 
'' use of ht-r globes, and profited by the hint, tliat the knowl- 
edge of house wiffiy was as much a part of female educa- 
tion, as a kuowJedge of geography. Editor, 



TO MARTHA LAURENS. 57 

ing bent and determined to carry those prepar- 
ations into execution to the last extremity; 
when, therefore, I consider our estates in this 
country as being on the very precipice of 
bankruptcy, how can I forbear lamenting, what 
will become of my dear sister, what will be- 
come of my dear Patsy and Polly in case of 
my brother's death. Not only tears, but irre- 
sistible groans accompany this afflicting in- 
quiry; after a moment's pain, I console myself 
by this reply; "God will take care of them, 
that God who led your ancestors through a cruel 
persecution, and through a wilderness a hun- 
dred years ago, and you through ten thousand 
dangers, will not forsake your sister nor your 
children. Your brother will do well, and be 
made the guardian of your fatherless children 
after you are slaughtered.'* My dear child, I 
could fill pages with accounts of causes for la- 
mentation; but alas, what good fruit would such 
accounts produce; I will not grieve your young 
heart by a recital of afflictions which are the 
portion of age, and which I ought to bear 
alone. Nevertheless, it is my duty to warn 
you again, as I did in my last letter, to prepare 
yourself for a reverse of fortune, prepare for 
the trial of earning your daily bread by daily 
labor. This, whether it be matter of affliction, 



58 LETTERS FROM HENRY LAURENS 

whether it be a subject for grief or not, will 
according to present appearances be your 
portion. My love for you constrains me to 
give you timely notice. I have done so with 
an aching heart and overflowing eyes. Me- 
thinks I hear you reply, "but, my dear papa 
why will you make a sacrifice of your fortune, 
and hazard the happiness of your children; la- 
bor day and night to earn poverty for yourself 
and them." I answer briefly, "It is the will of 
God that it should be so, and he gives me res- 
olution to concur in and to submit to his will." 
Now act your part well my dear; love God, 
and all things will work together for your 
good. I would proceed, and advise you how 
to act, but you are in an excellent school. 
You learn your duty every day from sensible 
and pious friends. Follow their counsel and 
you will be happy. 

What money I now have in England, is de- 
voted to the service of your ULcle, aunt, cur 
brothers, yourself, and sister. I do not know 
that I shall ever be able to add one penny to 
that small stock. It will be wisdom, it will be 
piety and a proof of gratitude in your elder 
brother and you, to consume as little as pos- 
sible, in order that there may be more for the 
service of your dear uncle and aunt, and for 



TO MARTHA LAURENS. 59 

the little ones wlio cannot help themselves. 
It would please me, it would rejoice me, to 
hear that you had cheerfully entered upon your 
new scene of life; that you earned as much 
every day by your needle, as would pay your 
daily expenses. 

It is melancholy to see the abuse of many 
good houses in this town, which are now made 
barracks for the country militia, who strip the 
paper hangings, chop wood upon parlor floors, 
and do a thousand such improper acts; but 
alas, they are still good enough for burning. 
We are assured, that if the king's ships and 
troops cannot easily conquer the town, they 
will burn it; and we know if they do conquer 
it, there are men here determined to put the 
torch with their own hands, and to leave them 
no shelter, nor any cover for those who would 
join them. 



FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

Charleston, S. C. March 14, 177Q. 
MY BEAR CHILD, 

THE men of war at Georgia, have swept Mr. 
Arthur Middleton's plantation upon Savannah 
river, of about sixty-five negroes. Wright's 



60 LETTERS FROM HENRY LAURENS 

Savannah is within three or four miles of it; 
probably some solitary escaping man may come 
within two or three days, to inform me of like^ 
mischiefs done there, and at Altamaha, by 
those Sabeans and Chaldeans. Be it so, I will 
still say, "Blessed be the name of the Lord.'* 

FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

Charleston, S. C. March 14, 1776. 
MY DEAR CHILD, 

THE sound of war increases, and the danger 
seems to be drawing nearer and nearer. It 
appears now beyond doubt, that the administra- 
tion are determined to try the issue of another 
year's persecution. We must expect a visit 
very soon. In these circumstances, every 
man here holds his life by the most precarious 
tenure; and our friends abroad should prepare 
themselves for learning that we are number- 
ed among the dead. 

FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

Charleston, S. C. Aug. IT, 1776. 
MY DEAR DAUGHTER, 

YOUR brother will tell you a great deal of 
American news., and particularly of the escape 



TO MARTHA LAURENS. 61 

we have had from enemies who talked of noth- 
ing less than eating us up. The conversation 
in the fleet was, that they would breakfast at 
Sullivan's Island; dine at Fort Johnson; and sup 
in Charleston. Charity, therefore, would in- 
cline us to admit that sir Peter's coming 
against us with so formidable a power, as two 
ships of fifty guns each; four of twenty-eight; 
one of twenty-six; one of twenty, and a bomb- 
ketch, might have been from motives of mercy. 
It might have been thought that we should 
be frightened into submission, without spilling 
blood; but the battle is not always to the strong. 
All the mischiefs which have happened, and 
all that shall still happen to the contending 
parties, are to be charged to wicked and fool- 
ish counsellors. I pray God to raise up wiser 
and better men, who may devise means for ef- 
fecting a friendly intercourse between Great 
Britain and these now "United, free, and inde- 
pendent states," and for promoting the mutu- 
al happiness of both parties. It is not impos- 
sible, but that the separation, lately announced, 
may produce great benefit to both. I am per- 
suaded you will not give offence to any body, 
by interposing your opinions concerning 
these matters; to relate to you what has hap- 
pened, cannot be amiss, which is all I mean, 
6 



02 LETTERS FROM HENRY LAURENS 

You will in silence submit the future progress 
and final determination to the wise order of 
that superintending Being, who holds the 
scales of justice in 1 is hand; who never fails to 
help those who confide in him and do right; who 
hath set bounds to the bared arm of the might- 
iest monarch on earth, as he hath to the seem- 
ingly irresistible power of the ocean. "Hith- 
erto shalt thou come, and here shall thy proud 
waves be staid." Your part will be to join 
with the sons and daughters of piety, and pray 
incessantly for peace. Peace to all the world, 
especially to the country in which you re- 
side; and that to which you more particu- 
larly belong; and you will lament that it is your 
father's unhappy lot to be engaged in war, in 
civil war, God's severest scourge upon man- 
kind. 

I have no doubt, my dear daughter, but that 
you will take every advantage which the coun- 
try you are in affords for the improvement of 
your mind and your address. The latter is of 
more importance to a lady than is sometimes 
thought; to you in particular your friends 
should recommend it. God knows through 
what scenes you are to pass. If, instead of 
affluence, of which you had lately a prospect, 
and to wluch you have still a just claim, if ser- 



TO MARTHA LAURENS. 63 

vitude is to be your portion, qualify yourself 
for an upper place. Fear not servitude, en- 
counteritif it shall be necessary, with a spirit be- 
coming a woman of an honest and a pious heart; 
a woman who has notbeen affectedly nor fashion- 
ably religious. It is my duty, my dear, to repeat, 
it will be your wisdom to listen to this alarm. 
The events of war are uncertain, and there has 
been much talk of forfeited estates; poor de- 
luded highlanders, who are now our prisoners, 
were inlisted under assurances of getting pos- 
session of our farms, plantations, and town es- 
tates Hessians and Hanoverians, and other 
foreign troops have been bought by similar 
promises, and no doubt some of them will fight 
strong for the spoil. Negro slaves and bar- 
barous Indians have been taught to exclaim, 
"down with the Americans, and their estates 
will be free plunder." Thus cruelly beset, 
howbeit, my heart neither fails nor misgives 
me; I see it my duty to guard against every 
thing which may happen, and to sound repeat- 
ed warnings to those who are dearer to me, 
and of more value to the world, than my life. 
You will take care of my Polly too. I need 
not tell you to be dutiful to your uncle and 
aunt; to love and reverence them as tender par- 
ents. They may be reduced to very great 



64 LETTERS, &C. 

straits. There my heart is most wrung; but 
I must forbear; the subject overpowers me; 
God in whom I trust, will protect you all. 
Adieu, my dear daughter, write as often as 
you can, and in some measure lessen the anx- 
iety which arises from the uncertainty of your 
being restored to your faithful friend, your af- 
fectionate fiither, 

Henry Lavrens. 



APPENDIX No. 11. 

HELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

Thursday, Dec 23, 1773. 

BEING THIS DAY FOURTEEN YEARS AND SEVEN 
WEEKS OLD. 

I DO this day, after full consideration, and se- 
rious deliberation, and after earnest prayer for 
the assistance of Divine Grace, resolve to sur- 
render and devote my youth, my strength, 
my soul, with all I have, and all I am, to the 
service of that great and good God, who has 
preserved and kept me all my life until now, 
and who in infinite compassion has given me 
to see the folly of my ways, and by faith to lay 
hold on a dear Redeemer, and obtain peace to 
my soul through his precious blood. 

Martha Laurens. 



*-6 



66 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

A SELF DEDICATION AND SOLEMN COVENANT 
WITH GOD. 

Eternal and unchangeable Jehovah! Thou 
great Creator of Heaven and earth! And ador- 
able Lord of angels and men, I desire, with 
the deepest humiliation and abasement of soul 
to fall down at this time in thine awful pres- 
ence, and earnestly pray that thou wilt pene- 
trate my very heart and soul with a suitable 
sense of thine unutterable and iHconceivablc 
glories! Trembling may justly lay hold upon 
me when I, a sinful worm, presume to lift up 
my head to thecj presume to appear in thy ma- 
jestic presence, on such an occasion as this. 

Who am I, Oh Lord God, or what is my 
house? What is my nature or descent, my 
character and desert, that I should speak of 
this, and desire that I may be one party in a 
covenant, where thou, the King of kings and 
Lord of lords, art the other. I blush and am 
confounded, even to mention it before thee. 
But, Oh Lord, great as is thy majesty, so also 
is thy mercy. If thou wilt hold converse with 
any of thy creatures, thy superlatively exalted 
nature, must stoop, must stoop infinitely low; 
and I know that in and through Jesus the Son 
of thy love, thou condcscendcst to visit sinful 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 67 

mortals, and to allow their approach to thee, 
and their covenant intercourse with thee. Nay, 
I know that the scheme and plan is thine own, 
and that thou hast j^raciously sent to propose it to 
lis; as none untaujjht by tliee would have been 
able to form it, or inclined to cmbruce it even 
when actually proposed. To tnee, therefore, 
do I now come, invited by the name of thy 
Son, and trustint^ in his rii^-hteousncss and 
grace; laying myself at thy feet with shame and 
confusion of face, and smiling upon my breast> 
I say with the humble publican, "God be mer- 
ciful to me a sinner." I acknowledge, Lord, 
I have been a great transgressor. My sin{> 
have reached unto Heaven, and mine iniquities 
are lifted up unto the skies. The irregular 
propensities of my corrupt and degenerate na-r 
lure have, in ten thousand aggravated instan« 
ces, wrought to biing forth fruit unto death. 
And if thou shouldst be strict to mark mine 
offences, I must be silent under a load of guilt, 
and immediately sink into destruction. But 
ihou hast graciously called me to return unto 
thee, though I have been a wandering sheep, 
a prodigal daughter, a backsliding child. Be- 
hold, therefore, O Lord, I come unto thee. 
I come, convinced not only of my sin but of my 
folly. I come from njy very heart ashamed ol' 



dS RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

myself, and with sincerity and humility con- 
fess that I have erred exceedingly. I am con- 
fomided with the remembrance of these things; 
but be thou merciful to my unrighteousness,and 
do not remember against me my sins and my 
transgressions. Permit me, Oh Lord! to bring 
back unto thee those powers and faculties, 
which I have ungratefully and sacrilegiously 
alienated from thy service, and receive, I be- 
seech thee, thy poor perverted creature, who 
is now convinced of the right thou hast to her, 
and desires nothing in the whole earth so 
much as to be truly thine 1 Blessed God! it 
is with the utmost solemnity that I make this 
surrender of myself to thee. Hear, Oh Heav- 
ens! and give ear, O earthi I avouch the Lord 
to be my God. I avouch and declare myself 
this day, to be one of his covenant people. 
Hear, Oh thou God of Heaven! and record 
it m the book of thy remembrance, that hence- 
forth I am thine, entirely thine. 1 would not 
merely consecrate unto thee some of my pow- 
ers, or some of my possessions, or give thee a 
certain proportion of my services, or all I am 
capable of for a limited time; but I would be 
wholly thme, and thine for ever. From this 
day do I solemnly renounce all the former lords 
which have had dominion over me; every sin 



BELIGIOUS EXERCISES. O^ 

a«d every lust, and bid in thy name an eternal 
defiance to the powers of Hell, which have 
most unjustly usurped the empire o\er my 
soul, and to all the corruptions which their fa- 
tal temptations have introduced into it. The 
whole frame of my nature, all the faculties of 
my mind, all the members of my body, would 
I present before thee this day, as a living sac- 
rifice holy and acceptable unto God, which 
I know to be my most reasonable service. To 
thee I consecrate all my worldly possessions; 
in thy service I desire to spend all the re- 
mainder of my time upon earth, and beg thou 
wouldst instruct and influence me so that, 
whether my abode here be longer or shorter, 
every year and month, day and hour, may be 
used in such a manner as shall most effectual- 
ly promote thine honor, and subserve the 
scheme of thy wise and gracious providence; 
and I earnestly pray that whatever influence 
thou givest me over others, in any of the su- 
perior relations of life in which I may stand, or 
in consequence of any peculiar regard which 
might be paid me, thou wouldst give me 
strength and courage to exert myself to the 
utmost for thy glory. Resolving, not only that 
I will do it myself, but that all others, so far 
as 1 can rationally and properly influence them, 



70 RLLIGIOU^ EXERCISES. 

shall serve the Lord. In this course, Oh 
blessed GodI would I steadily persevere to the 
very end of my life, earnestly praying, that ev- 
ery future day of it may supply the deficiencies 
and correct the irregularities of the former, and 
that I may, by divine grace, be enabled, not on- 
ly to hold on in that happy way, but daily to 
grow more active in it. 

Nor do I only consecrate all that I am and 
have to thy service, but I also most humbly 
resign and submit to thy heavenly will, myself 
and all that I can call mine. I leave, Oh 
Lord, to thy management and dirtction all 
I possess and all I wish; and set every enjoy- 
ment and every interest before thee, to be dis- 
posed of, as thou pleasest. Continue, or re- 
move what thou hast given me; bestow or re- 
fuse, what I imagine I want, as thou. Lord 
shalt see good; and though I dare not say I 
will never repine, yet I hope I may venture to 
say, that I will labor not only to submit but to 
acquiesce; not only to bear what thou doest in 
thy most afflictive dispensations; but to con- 
sent to it, and to praise thee for it, contentedly 
resolving, in all that thou appointest, my will 
into thine, and looking on mysilTlf as nothing, 
and on thee. Oh God! as the great eternal all, 
whose word ought to determine every thing, 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 71 

and whose government ought to be the joy of 
the whole rational creation. 

Use me, Oh Lord, I beseech thee, as the 
instrument of thy glory, and honor me so far, 
as either by doing or suffering what thou shalt 
appoint, to bring some revenue of praise to 
thee, and of benefit to the world in which I 
dwell; and may it please thee, Oh my Creator! 
from this day forward, to number me among 
thy peculiar people, that I may no more be a 
stranger and foreigner, but a fellow citizen 
with the saints, and of the household of God. 
Receive, Oh heavenly Father! thy returning 
prodigal. Wash me in the blood of thy dear 
Son; clothe me with his perfect righteousness, 
and sanctify me throughout by the power of 
thy Spirit! Destroy, I beseech thee, more and 
more the power of sin in my heart! Transform 
me more into thine own image, and fashion me 
jto the resemblance of Jesus, whom hencefor- 
"ward I would acknowledge as my teacher, and 
my sacrifice, my intercessor, and my Lord! 
Communicate to me, I beseech thee, all need- 
ful influences of thy purifying, thy cheering, 
and thy comforting spirit; and lift up the light 
of thy countenance upon me, which will put 
the sublinicst joy and gladness into my soul. 
Dispose my affairs, Oh God! in a manner 



72 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

which may be most subservient to thy glory 
and my own truest happiness; and when I have 
done and borne thy will upon earth, call me 
from hence at what time, and in what manner 
thou pleasest; only grant that in my dying mo- 
ments, and the near view of eternity, I may 
remember these my engagements to thee, and 
may employ my latest breath to thy service; 
and do thou, Oh Lord, when thou seest the ag- 
onies of dissolving nature upon me, remember 
this covenant too, even though I should then 
be incapable of recollecting it. Look down, 
Oh my heavenly Father, with a pitying eye 
upon thy languishing, dying child; place thine 
everlasting arms underneath me for my sup- 
port; put strength and confidence into my de- 
parting spirit, and receive it to the embraces 
of thy everlasting love! Welcome it to the 
abodes of them that sleep in Jesus; to wait 
with them that glorious day, when tiie last 
of thy promises to thy covenant people 
shall be fulfilled in their triumphant resurrec- 
tion and that abundant entrance, which shall be 
administered to them into that everlasting 
kingdom, of which thou hast assured them 
in thy covenant, and in the hope of which, I 
row lay hold of it, desiring to live and to die as 
with my hand on that hope! 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 73 

And when I am thus numbered among the 
dead, and all the interests of mortality are over 
with me for ever, if this solemn memorial 
should chance to fall into the hands of any sur- 
viving friends, may it be the means of making 
serious impressions on their mind. May they 
read it not only as my language, but as their 
own; and learn to fear the Lord my God, 
and with me to put their trust -Vnder the shadow 
of his wings for time and for eternity; and 
may they also learn to adore with me that grace 
which inclines our heart to enter into the cov- 
enant, and condescends to admit us into it, 
when so inclined; ascribing with me and with 
all the children of God, to the Father, to the 
Son, and to the Holy Ghost, that glory, honor, 
and praise, which is so justly due to each divine 
person for the part he bears in this illustri- 
ous work. Amen. 

Lord T am thine, for ever thine. 
My soul doth cleave to thee; 
My dearest Lord, be ever mine, 
III have no love but thee. 

Henceforth I am not mine but God's for 
ever. 

Martha Laurens. 

I had fallen, shamefully fcillen, and broken 
the solemn covenant engagements in so dread- 
7 



74 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

ful a i-nanner, tliat none but he who is holy and 
true, who hath the key of all hearts, whoopen- 
cth and no man shutteth, could ever have res- 
tored me, but through the unbounded and as- 
tonishing measures of his grace; I was awak- 
ened to a sense of my vilenessand ingratitude; 
made to feel more bitter pangs than ever; and 
after much struggling and many inireaties 
from my compassionate Redeemer, I renewed 
my violated vows in the most solemn manner, 
not vonly privately, but publicly, by giving up 
myself to him in the ordinance of the Holy 
Supper, before near three hundred persons at 
St. Werbrough*s, December 25, 1775. 

Solemnly again, April 7, 1776, and more sol- 
emnly and with more affecting circumstances, 
than ever, May 26, 1776. 



APPENDIX, No. III. 

Erisioly June, 1776. 
A SUPPLICATION FOR A BELOVED RELATIVE* 

MY heart has been rather bowed down today, 
and through the prevalence of unbelief, I have 
a hard strui^gle to keep from smking. My 
dear aunt's extreme weakness makes me truly 
apprehensive on her account; and O, my stub- 
born will, it can hardly bear the thoughts of 
letting her outstrip me and get to Heaven first'. 
O, if it should please the Lord to remove her 
hence, what a severe stroke will it be to my 
loving heart; may he give me grace, if such is 
his good pleasure, to lie down, in humble sub- 
mission at his feet; but, O my God! if I mav 
plead with thee, and if the earnest wish o^^my 
soul is not contradictory to thy all wise and 
gracious providence, which I would not for 
ten thousand worlds desire to subvert, spare, 
O spare her; direct the physicians, herself, and 
attendants, and in mercy hear the supplications 
of her friends, of me, thine unworthy suppli- 
cant. Bless the waters, the change of air, or 
whatever she shall be ordered; without thy 



76 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

blessing, nothing will avail; therefore by hum- 
ble and diligent prayer would I seek it, in the 
name and for the merits of my dear Redeemer. 
In thy hands are the issues of life and death; 
thou canst bring back again from the gates of 
the grave, canst say to the violence of disease, 
hitherto shalt thou go and no further; and with 
one powerful word, canst recruit exhausted 
nature, and give new strength and vigor. I 
well know that thou art able, and as fully am I 
convinced that thou art willing to grant this 
petition, if it will be for the good of thine hand- 
maid, and of us her affectionate friends; there- 
fore, with the most steady faith, I desire to 
pray, and without wavering to come unto the 
throne of grace; if thou doest for me this thing, 
I will adore and praise thy love for ever, and 
for ever; if not in the deepest affliction, will I 
sing unto thee, and amidst surrounding distress 
will proclaim thy goodness. O my Lord, be 
thou with my dear friend; place thine everlast-. 
ing arms beneath her; give her strength and 
confidence in thee under all her trials; manifest 
thy presence unto her in so sweet and delight- 
ful a manner, that she may forget all her pains, 
and lose all her sorrows in the enjoyment of 
thy love; revive her drooping spirits with the 
cordials of thy grace; wean her more than ever 



IlELIGIOU« EXERCISES. 77 

from the \i'orld, and engage to thee the chief 
and choicest of her affections. Teach me, I 
pray thee, the way in which I ought to go; di- 
rect me to every tender, kind, and christian ac- 
tion, and assist me now to shew my gratitude 
for her unparalleled goodness to me for so 
many years, by doing every thing in my power 
to serve and comfort her. Bless also my be- 
loved uncle; sustain his mind in every time of 
trouble, and let not the sight of his dear sickly- 
wife, prejudice his own health and increase his 
disorder; but let all his care be cast on thee. 



A RELIGIOUS EXERCISE AT HOME, WHEN PROV- 
IDENTIALLY DISAPPOINTED OF AN OPPORTU" 
NITY FOR PUBLIC COMMUNION. 

IN the name of the Father, of the Son, and of 
the Holy Ghost; O Lord, I am thine by every 
tie of nature and of grace; thine by a daily sur- 
render; and I desire at this time particularly 
to ackowledge and rejoice in my dependence 
on thee; I have tasted such an abundance of 
comfort in thy paths, and have found them so 
peaceful and so pleasant, that it does not ap^ 
pear to me, that any thing in the world could 
*7 



78 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

tempt me to leave them; but instead of being 
high minded, O my God! I would fear and 
watch over myself with a godly jealousy, lest 
through the abundance of that consolation which 
thou hast vouchsafed me, 1 should be filled 
with vain confidence, slide into carnal security? 
and feel sooner than I am aware of, a declen- 
sion from the ways of grace. Behold, there- 
fore, O Lord! I come as a beginner in religion, 
a babe in Chiist, humbly beseeching thee to 
forgive all my sins; to pour into my heart the 
gift of the Holy Ghost; and to enable me to 
abide steadfast in my calling, till thou shalt de- 
liver me from all danger, and fix me as an im- 
moveable pilla7' in thy eternal kingdom. Bind 
me to thyself njore strongly, Lord, than ever; 
ratify my vows in Heaven, and seal my pardon 
there; this day, I hoped to have publicly com- 
memorated ihy love, O sweetest Jesus! and 
professed myself the disciple of thy cross; but 
since ihy providence hatli otherwise ordained, 
condescend to accept from this, my retired 
chamber, the utmost desire of my heart to 
praise thee, and devote itself for ever to thy 
will. Satisfy the longings of my soul wiih that 
bread of God which is the life of all who eat it^ 
and let there be such a spiritual participation 
of thy blessed body and blood, that I may dwcjl 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 79 

in thee, and thou in me, and that having life, 
I may have it more abundantly. 

Show me that thou art an all powerful God, 
and that where thou art pleased savingly to 
manifest thyself, there is Heaven, there is a 
Temple, there an Altar, there divine commun- 
ion, and while thy servant in a humble depen- 
dence on thy promises, with a bended knee 
and with a contrite heart waits upon thee, reveal 
thy mercy and thy loving kindness, and overflow 
her soul with the cleansing and reviving streams 
of thy redeeming grace. Say unto me "J cm 
thy Salvation.'* Drive doubt and unbelief away, 
and banish all my fear; make me to know that 
/ cm tliine^ and that nothing shall ever separate 
me from thy lovej divert me from thy service; 
or finally prevent my admission into the realms 
of unchangeable felicity. 

Martha Laurens. 

Tcignniouth, ^uly 6, 1777. 



APPENDIX, No. IV. 

DEVOUT MEDITATIONS.* 

I. 

SELF ABASEMENT, WITH RESOLUTIONS TO WALK 
MORE WORTHILY. 

WHAT a poor, lukewarm, unprofitable, un- 
worthy disciple am I! 

How cold and deficient my duty toward God. 
How mingled with sin my charity toward men. 
Well may I cry out for quickning grace and 
plead for sanctification. When shall my light 
shine before men, and the Gospel be glorified 
by my conduct. Oh how unlike I am the bles- 
sed Jesus, my Redeemer and my pattern. His 
blessed feet were continually carrying him 
about to do good, but alas, mine are prone to 
wander in the ways of folly. I am ail self abase- 
ment, and can hardly bear the review of my most 
exemplary days. My past life has been one 
continued course of impiety, and my most ho- 

* Written in England by Miss Laurens between the si.'t- 
teenth and nineteenth year of her :\^e, hut not particularly 
dated. The breaks or divisions with their numbers and 
heads or titles, aud the general title are added by the Edi- 
tor, 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 81 

ly things have been unrighteous. What shall 
I say then, or whither shall 1 flee for mercy, 
but to the great atonement; to the blood of the 
Redeemer, by which alone I can obtain forgive- 
ness for the iniquities which I have committed 
in thought, word, and deed. 

O that from this time forward I may be more 
zealous in the service of my Gqd, and walk 
more worthy the vocation wherewith I am cal- 
led; adorning the doctrines of God, my Saviori 
in all things, and having my outward behavior 
strongly expressive of the inward state of my 
mind; not making the customs and manners of 
a corrupt and sinful world the rule by which I 
walk; but trying myself by the New Testa- 
ment, the words of Jesus, and the divinely in- 
spired Apostles; and living with a constant re- 
regard to death and judgment. How short is 
time( How long is eternity! yet, alas, how is 
my mind occupied by the things of time, how 
careless of the things of eternity. Now, dear 
Jesus, show thyself with power, and work a 
great deliverance for me, that in thee, I may 
become strong, and have fortitude to walk con- 
trary to the way of the world; to take up my 
cross and follow thee. Amen. 



62 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

II. 

A DAY WELL SPENT. 

BLESSED be God for this day*s entertainment. 
How sweet is the society of lively chris- 
tians, when we meet together and spend the 
hours, not in idle chit chat about dress or 
weather or such unprofitable themes, but in 
mutual exhortation and encouragement. How 
comfortably have I passed this day. In the 
morning I was at the sanctuary, heard the 
word of salvation, and sat with pleasure under 
the teaching of the Gospel When I return- 
ed, met with dear fellow members, and adored 
together the name of Jesus our Lord. In the 
afternoon I visited serious friends, and entered 
on the delightful subject, talked of redeeming 
love and christian meekness; and again this 
evening met with acquaintance of the same 
mind, and renewed the delightful converse, 
and now at night I have been blessed in my 
retirement, and had great enlargement in pray- 
er both alone and with my servant. I cannot 
close a day so distinguished for spiritual mer- 
cies, without holy elevation, without a song of 
praise, nor sleep till I have rendered thanks. 
Praise the Lord, O my soul, and let all that is 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 83 

within mc praise his holy name. Praise the 
Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his bene- 
fits. I will praise the Lord while I live; yea, 
while l have any being, J will sing praises to 
my God. My heart is fixed, O God! my heart 
is fixed, and through time and eternity I shall 
be thus employed; singing songs of everlasting 
triumph and loud hallelujahs to the slain Lamb, 
the purchaser of all our hopes, and ground of 
our rejoicing. 



in. 

PREPARATION FOR AN HOUR OF TRIAL. 

I AM now going into gay, worldly, and, I even 
fear, that I shall meet with profane company. 
O that through grace I may have courage to 
show a becoming spirit, and remembering the 
honorable name which I bear, may I not be 
ashamed to act as a christian, and to let relig- 
ion tincture every word and action. O heavenly 
Father! now shed abroad in my heart thy Ho- 
ly Spirit, and let nothing but holiness proceed 
out of my mouth. Enable me so to demean 
myself, that all may take knowledge of me 
th«t I have been w^h Jesus. Let the law of 



84 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

kindness dwell upon my tongue; and teach me 
to discountenance sin in the very spirit of hu- 
mility. Show me the effectual moments, the 
proper opportunities for speaking in defence 
of the Gospel, for glorifying the name of Jesus, 
and give me a heart to embrace them. Let 
not the fear of singularity make me a babbler; 
but if I can bear no innocent and useful part in 
conversation, keep me silent. Let the remem- 
brance of my solemn vows be ever before me, 
and enable me, this day, to stand fast in the cove- 
nant of Christ, joyfully confessing him before 
men. Hear me, O God! for thy mercy's sake* 
and have pity on a poor frail creature. 



IV. 

AN ACT OF CONTRITION WITH HOPES OF RES- 
TORATION TO DIVINE FAVOR, 

I HAD fainted unless I had believed to see 
the goodness of the Lord. My feet had well 
nigh slipt, and I was bowed down with sorrow. 
Satan has distressed me with his vile sugges- 
tions. Doubts and fears have perplexed me, 
and I have been sore oppressed by my corrup- 
tions; yet blessed be my compassionate high 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 85 

priest, my merciful Savior, who hears me from 
the very depths of wo, and though I am now 
in darkness, gives me hope that I shall still see 
him; that his mercy is not clean gone for ever; 
but that I shall yet rejoice in the Lord, and go 
forth with strength, conquering and to con- 
quer» I now sigh and mourn before him, be- 
cause of my transgressions, which have sep- 
arated between me and my God. I cry out 
with earnestness, How long, O Lord, how long. 
When shall I see thee as I have seen thee in 
the sanctuary. When shall my prayer be heard, 
and I be permitted again to attend thee in the 
sanctuary. When wilt thou visit me with the 
gracious visits of thy love. When shall I enjoy 
thy glories, thy gracious, thy refreshing, com- 
forting presence, as I have heretofore done 
when the candle of the Lord shone bright up- 
on me, and when I lived as it were at the very 
gate of Heaven; yea, even in the bosom of my 
Jesus, which is the very heaven of heavens ; 
where bliss unspeakable abounds. I cannot 
forget these times, these seasons of inexpres- 
sible rejoicing; and as the thirsty hart panteth 
for the reviving stream, so panteth my soul 
alter thee, even after thee, the living God, who 
alone can give me comfort, and send me reliefin 

this day of trial. Surely it is sin v.'hich has drawn 
8 



86 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

this dreadful veil over my heart; shut out the 
cheering rays of his countenance; grieved the 
Holy Spirit, and made my beloved to depart from 
me, and leave me thus comfortless. His love 
is still the same; but I have changed! I have 
grown lukewarm and careless; I have backslid- 
den, and wandered in the ways of folly; I have 
been idle, and have not improved the means of 
grace. I have been self indulgent, and allow- 
ed the flesh too much of its own way. I have 
not been so watchful as I ought. With shame 
and confusion of face do I reflect on and con- 
fess these things; and with the deepest self 
abasement cast myself at the foot of the cross. 
I lay myself under the droppings of the blood 
of Jesus, and hardly daring to look up, I cry, 
Lord be merciful to me a sinner, a grievous 
sinner; my crimes are of the deepest dye, and 
my sins of more than scarlet hue; I am the 
most ungrateful creature in the whole house; 
yet may I not hope for mercy, and still plead 
the merits of that Savior I have so basely in- 
jured. I can offer no argument but the great- 
ness of my sin and the extent of his love; I know- 
that to be amazing and unbounded, and, there- 
fore, I will not despair; but humbly trust that. 
there is forgiveness with him, and that I shal! 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 87 

be again admitted into communion with my 
dear Lord, and tied so fast to him as to have 
no power to depart. 



V. 



PREPARATION FOR SELF EXAMINATION. 

I DESIRE now to try myself; to search my 
spirit; and, therefore, I devote this week, 
through God*s grace, to extraordinary retire- 
ment, prayer, fasting, and meditation; if so be 
that the Lord will be gracious, and assist me 
in my self examination and devotion, and re- 
visit me with his free salvation. Without 
Christ I can do nothing; I therefore cast my- 
self at his feet, and beg him to strengthen and 
direct, and so to lead me through the rugged 
roadof life, that I may at length obtain the full 
fruition of immortal bliss, and be made partaker 
of never ending glory; though now I have my 
gloomy fears, and pass through dangerous 
deeps, and dismal snares. 



88 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 



VI. 



SENSATIONS OCCASIONED BY THE SIGHT OF 
A PICTURE OF THE SAVIOR TAKEN FROM 
THE CROSS. 

I HAVE seen a picture today -which made an 
amazing impression on my mind; the Savior 
taken from the cross. With my bodily eyes, I 
looked on the print; with the eye of faith, I 
viewed his body mangled, rent, and covered 
with a gore of. blood for me; the flinty rock 
was broken; my hard heart was melted, and 
tears of penitence and love were ready to flow. 
My thoughts were solemnized by the sight; 
and I hope that, upon the whole, it has not 
been an unprofitable circumstance. Various 
are the ways of grace by which the Savior 
touches the heart; and in his hands, and with 
his blessing, the weakest means, produce 
astonishing good. I wish to have my mind in 
such a state as to regard every occurrence in 
a christian view, and to let nothing pass with- 
out some holy reflection, some pious medita- 
tion. May the dear Jesus guide me in the 
great work I have undertaken, and bless to my 
poor soul every thing that I either see or hear 
or think of for his mercy's sake. 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 89 

VII. 

LONGING FOR DEATH. 

DEATH, where is thy sting? O Grave^ 
where is thy victory? To me thou hast none. 

1 often look forward with impatience to the 
hour when thou shalt set me free, and long to 
be touched by thy cold hand; 'tis but a little 
while since, and I could not bear the thought 
of eternity. Now the time seems tedious that 
I am detained a prisoner here; sick of the 
world, and all its unsatisfactory enjoyments, I 
often cry to my beloved in the longing of de- 
sire, Come quickly, come quickly, for I long 
to be with thee. How slow the minutes roll; 
how leisurely the hours move, which keep me 
from my God. "I long for evening to undress." 
I long, earnestly long, for the day of my disso- 
lution, which will deliver my imprisoned soul 
from its confinement, and leave it free from ev- 
ery clog of flesh and sense. Each change in my 
spiritual life increases this ardent longing. Is 
the sky clear, and does the sun shine bright? 
have I sweet communion with the Savior, and 
ravishing foretastes of the unutterable, incon- 
cei\ able bliss, purchased for me by his blood and 
merits? How do I languish for the full fi uiucn 

*8 



90 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

of those immortal joys, which are now bestow- 
ed by measure, and pant to behold him face to 
face, whom now I see but darkly, even in my 
most exalted moments. 

Am I drooping under desertion, venting my 
complaints, because of the absence of him whom 
my soul loveth. Othen, indeed, I long for that 
blessed time, when sin shall have lost its 
power, and no more separate between the Sa- 
vior and my soul; when I shall no more grieve 
the Spirit, and provoke him to depaU; but shall 
have done with doubts and fears, with sins and 
sorrows, and shall be put into the full posses- 
sion oi heaven and happiness. I s^l be vic- 
torious over hell and the grave. Having these 
comfortable assurances that I shall be happy, 
and finding all things below but bubbles, toys, 
and trifles, I have grown tired of this world, 
and long to be in a better, even the world above, 
where my forerunner reigns, and where I hope 
ere long to reign with him in glory* ■ 



Haste, Lord, antl bring me to the day, 
When I shall dwell at home; 
Come, O Redeemer, come away, 
O Jesus, quickly come. 



EELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 91 

VIII. 

THE PLEAStmES OF COMMUNION WITH GOD; 
HUMILIATION FOR UNWORTHINESS OF SUCH 
A privilege; resolutions TO SEEK AFTER 
ITS CONTINUANCE, 

SWEET are the moments spent at the foot of 
the cross, while there I sit, and sing, and 
mourn, and love. 

I would not exchange one such hour, for ten 
thousand years of worldly enjoyment. The 
ittmost heights of earthly pomp; the honors of 
royalty; the treasures of both the Indies; the 
adulation of tiie multitude; nor health, nor 
friends, nor any thing of terrestrial bliss, 
though it were to last for ever, could make me 
bappy in the absence of my God, or recompense 
ine for the loss of his favor. But, with the 
light of his countenance, and the comforts of 
liis Spirit, having no where to lay my head, 
sick and forlorn, mean and despised, persecuted 
and defamed, I could rejoice with joy unspeak- 
able and full of glory. What nonsense would 
this seem to a man of the world; but the believ- 
ing soul well kncws what I say. Those who 
have once tasted that the Lord is gracious, and 
found refuge from sin and Satan, in the bleed- 
ing wounds of Jesus, can witness to this truth. 



92 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

that his love surpasses knowledge, and is better 
than life itself. TJie cross, the cross! O this is 
all my glory; the only ground of my rejoicing; 
by the death of the Son of God, life is purchased 
for me, and in his prevailing name, I have free 
access to the throne of grace. I can go and 
spread before the Father my wants, and my 
comphdnls; tell him of all my distresses, my 
conflicts, my tri.ds, and my weakness; and from 
the fulness of his Son derive a sufTiciency of 
strength for the day of temptation. 1 can plead 
his own word, his precious promises, and rest 
secure upon them. I can ask the influences of 
his grace, beg the consolations of tiie Holy 
Ghost, and show him my need of comfort. O, 
I love to sit at the feet of Jesus, till my heart 
melts, and till my eyes run down with tears. 
I love to look on him, till they grow dim to 
outward objects, and till I am wholly taken up 
with the things of faith. Sometimes I am so 
lost in the height, and breadili, and length, and 
depth of love immeasurable, that I seem dead 
to the world, and have no thought of any thing 
in it. I forget the things of time, and my spirit 
solaces itself in the foretastes of eternal joys; 
but alas, these seasons last not long. 

Tof) soon my joys decay, 
Too soou tiiv sios ai'be. 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 93 

Too soon I find myself groveling midst the 
clods of earth, and the wheels of love turning 
heavily. This makes the chains of sense hate- 
ful to mcj and nothing gives me pleasure that 
does not increase my growth in grace. I hate 
all company, all amusements, all business that 
diverts my mind from spiritual things, and 
draws it from God. 

I delight in those means which I have found 
most beneficial, and wish to observe every rule 
which has a good effect upon my spirit. My 
Savior has often been pleased to manifest him- 
self in my hours of prayer, and my soul has 
been caught up to celestial heights, even to the 
throne of God, while I was in the lowest pos- 
ture of reverence before him. He has often 
met me in my retirements, and made solitude 
so delightful to me, that I love to remain whole 
days shut out from the world. He has gra- 
ciously refreshed me at his table, and peculiarly 
in my after retirement, made himself known to 
my enraptured soul in such a manner as words 
cannot describe, or tongue declare, for it is in- 
expressible, and only to be felt.* Be astonish- 

• "When by often betaking ourselves to God we be- 
come acquainted with bitn; when by frequent prayer, med- 
itation, and other practices of devotion, we ''follow hard 
after him,'* and attend close upon him, he is accustomed to 
hreuk in upon the soul -withjlashea of jot/,- to ■warm it 



94 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

cd and wonder, O my soul, that thou, the vilest 
creature in the world, the very chief of sinners, 

■with beams of comfort; to breathe into it the inspirations of 
heaven; to speak peace to the heart, and sited through it 
a thotcsand consolations; tvhen on our k7iees before hiin, loe 

feel our hear s dissolving xvith love, ayid f owing- oui to his 
boHom, tve find the rich tide of affection soon rolling back 

from God to our soids, and bringing ivith it pleasures 
ivhich are unutterable. Do any of you, my brethren, re- 
gard tliese representations as visions of fancy, having no 
existence in real life, or as flights of enthusiasm? Believe 
me, you tleceive your own souls; believe me, many thou- 
sands, followers of the JLnmb, have found in this irter- 
course ivith their Cod, pleasures incomparably greater than 
those I have described I appeal to experience for a confirm' 
ation of their reality Not to the experience of those cold 
formal professors, who abound in our churches; who,vhilst 
they attend to the exterior of religion, neglect to cultivate 
its inward power; who are desirous of ap])earing holy, and 
careless of being so; who perform with assiduit) those du- 
ties in the discharge of which the eves of men arc fixed 
upon them, but who neglect those exercises which exclude 
all other witnesses than God, and their own consciences. 
To the experience of these men we do not appeal; for they 
are strangers to communion with Ciod, alas! they are 
strangers to vital religion. Bu: we appeal to those warm 
hearted believers, voho are daily conenttng this luuviJy 

favithurity, by reneviing their intercourse 'with God; nuho 
often tal/t ivith him m the secret of their closet; and hourly 
direct their thoughts to their Father and their Friend. 
Speik and declare that God deals fatniliarly ivith vien; 
dravifjT a inoment that veil ivith which your inoaesty has 
covered the interior of your soul, and sheia us that your 
hearts have been inundated ivith pleasures ivhich the ivorld 
can never btstoiv, ivhich the men of the ivorld can iicver 
cone five.'* 

The preceding extracts, from the fifth sermon in the 
volume lately published by the Rev. Dr KoUock, are added 
by the editor The cal' there made by the eloquent preach- 
er on warm hearted believers to produce their experience, 
as evidence in su|)port of his doctrine, is here fully answer- 
ed I hey exactly tally; yet it is no packed testimony It 
vas entered on secret record at the distance of three thotti 



Religious exercises. 95 

and a hell deserving wretch, should ever be 
able to enjoy such a day, or feel the transports 
that thou hast done. Blush that after this thou 
hast ever grown cold, lukewarm, and have even 
now so much reason to mourn, because of un- 
belief and hardness of heart. 

Be ashamed of thy careless and unchristian 
life, and humble thyself in the presence of the 
Lord because of thy transgression. Call upon 
every thing within thee, to exert itself in the 
service of thy Redeemer; walk more by faith 
and less by sight; divest thyself of all unneces- 
sary concerns; unlade thyself of vanity, and 
worldly mindedness; be more frequent and 
earnest in prayer, and live, as it were, continu- 
ally before the cross; so shalt thou feel thyself 
renewed in strength, and giving to the Savior 
an undivided and sincere heart; he will not 
only frequently visit, but even take up his 
sibode with thee, confirming thy love, increas- 
ing thy faith, and carryh-jg thee from one de- 
gree of strength to another, till thou art made 
perfect in him. 

sftnd miles, and is now providentially Iji'ouglit to light, 
when the writer is entirely disinterested in the a\)]tlmis§ ov 
censure of mortals, and was written by her, when the rev- 
erend author, who makes the appeal, was either unho>n or 
not more than one year okl, and to him it was and at this 
viTOment is wliolJy unknown. Vital religion is the same in 
«<.ery clime and age, and among all deuominations of 
v'ti listians. Edit o k . 



96 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

IX. 

DISGUST AT FRIVOLOUS CONVERSATION. 

HOW disgusting these vain visits to my sin 
sick soul. While they examine and talk of 
laces, dresses, ornaments, and finery, I wish to 
converse with the hillocks of mortality, to 
know the full meaning of that sentence, "'Tis 
the body of the curse," and remember that we 
should not have needed clothes if sin had not 
deformed us, and made covering necessary for 
the hiding of our shame. Dear Jesus, faithful 
friend, when they are telling of the agreeable- 
ness of this party, that set, and the other 
amusements, I long to get away from among 
them, to sit at thy feet, to hear thy precious 
voice, and have communion with thee. They 
know not the import of these ^yords, *'I in them 
and thou in me, that they may be made perfect 
in one." They know not the pleasures of the 
way, or the sweetness of thy love, but fondly 
dream of bliss in fleeting enjoyments. They 
pursue a shadow and grasp at a phantom. No, 
dear Christ, nothing below thyself can satisfy 
an immortal soul, or give it content. There 
can be no comfort but in thy favor; the whole 
circle of worldly delights, will prove themselves 
in the end, nought save vanity; and sooner or 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 97 

later never fail to give their followers, vexation 
of spiiit. 

No, 'tis in vain to seek for bliss, 
For bliss can ne'er be found. 
Till we arrive where Jesus is. 
And tread on grace's ground. 



DELIGHT IN THE COMPANY OF THE PIOUS, 
AND IN THE EXPECTATION OF HEAVENLY 

happiness; love to jesus, and longing 
to be with him in heaven. 

O MY God! minutes come quickly, but mer- 
cies were more swift and quick than they. I 
looked for sorrow, and behold joy; for vain 
conversation, and behold heavenly society; for 
trifling and levity, and behold, reproof, exhor- 
tation, and edification. Thus it is that thou 
graciously dealest with me, hearing the prayers 
of thine unworthy creature, and blessing her 
when she least expects it. O how I love the 
company of pious souls; and to join in praising 
the name of Jesus; but if this be delightful, 
these imperfect services so pleasant, what 
must it be to meet with the blessed society 
above, v/here, without sin, and free from inter- 
ruption and clog, without fetters, and without 



98 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

cloy, I shall join with angels and archangels 
and with all the company of heaven. 1 shall 
laud, and magnify his glorious name; evermore 
praising thee, and saying, Holy, holy, holy, 
Lord God of hosts, the whole heaven is full of 
thy glory; glory be to thee O Lord. How 
charming to tell to listening seraphs, the won- 
ders of redeeming love; and 

With t •ansporting joys vecoiuit. 
The hibors of my tcet; 

to rehearse my trials, conflicts, and temptations, 
and in harmonious strains, 

T* ascribe my vict'ry to the Lamb^ 
My conquest to his death. 

Faith tooks forward with deliglit to this happy 
period, and my soul stretches her wings, and 
wishes to be gone. Wo is mc, that I am con- 
strained to dwell in Mesech, and have my hab- 
itation in the tents of Kcdar. O that I had 
wings, like a dove, for then would I flee to i\\e 
haven of eternal rest, to the bosom of my God. 

He is a]t(;L^ether lovely, the chief of ten 
thousand, fairer than the fairest, and the only 
fair. 

The fondness of the most enraptured lover, 
the tenderness of the dearest friend, is perfect 
hatred coniparcd with the love of Jesus; all the 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 99^ 

ideas that \vc can form of thing*i sweet, amiable, 
and engaging, are mere deformity to the beau- 
ties of Emanuel.* 

His winning charms are sufficient to captivate 
the most unfeeling breast, and warm the cold- 
est lieart. Was evei' adamant so hard as mine, 
or flint so stubborn? Was ever ice so cold, or 
affections so frozen? yet the heavenly Bride- 
groom overcomes. His persuasive energy is 
irresistible, and the marks of love graven in his 
hands and feet, speak to my inmost soul. Jesus, 
my beloved, thy name gives joy to my des- 

• "Should there be any true christians, whose own cold 
feelings will not sitfter them to approve of those rapturous 
joys, and ecstaiic pleasures, which some \)ersons are^ in 
this work, saiil lo experience; yet J hope, that there are 
none, or at least, very few, who do not desire to enjoy such 
divine favors, aiui press after them as their piivilege. That 
christian has hut a slender acquaintance with Kmanuel, 
who does not long co know more of his gloi-y, and enjoy 
more of his love. There are hun<lreds of religious per- 
sons, whose conduct in all secular affairs evinces them to 
be possessed of sound understanding; and with respect to 
religious things, ttiej solemnly declare that at times, they 
have such views of (heir interest in the favor of dod, and 
such secret communion with the Father and his son Jesus 
Christ, as to rejoice therein with joy unspeakable, aivd full 
of glory. Wh) shouid such pirsons be censured by their 
brethren as enthusiasts? Ignorant and irreligious people 
will.no doubt, so describe them, and affirm that ttiey are 
rigliteous overmuch; but far be it from professors to adopt 
such sentiments. On the contrary, let such cooi religionists 
be rather animated by these instances of hoiy fervor, to seek 
for the sa lie pleasures, and pray that they may be filled 
with all the fulness of (Jod. " 

See preface to ShriiDsole's Christian Memoirs. This,-^ 
note is added by the editor. 



100 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

ponding heart, and cheers my drooping spirits; 
Jesus! harmonious sound, life giving word, 
again and again will I repeat it with fresh de- 
lights, and exult in my knowledge of this name. 
Let Heaven and earth re-echo with the sweet 
name of Jesus; and let the hosts on high and 
saints below, join hearts and tongues to cele- 
brate it. Teach me, ye tuning seraphs, ye 
cherubim, ye angels near the throne, ye mar- 
tyrs, je eminently pious, who, having escaped 
the pollutions of the world, and tlirough tne 
blood of the Laqib, gained the conquest, now 
cast your crowns, adoring at his feet; teach me, 
O teach me, some of your sweet hymns, that I 
may bear my humble part in this immortal 
song. Happy souls, how 1 envy you; you have 
escaped, are free from sin and interruption; 
you behold him face to face, and are' strength- 
ened to bear the full blaze of his glory; you 
have done mourning, and wetting your couch 
with tears; and now triumph in the bliss of 
Sion. Doubts and fears are over, and you are 
safely landed on the wished for shore; you 
have now no intervals of dulness and depres- 
sion; no need of sleep or food; no interruption 
from the flesh; but serve your God, without 
hindrance, and in the perfection of holiness; 
you have no tempting devil, no deceitful hearty 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 101 

no alluring world; your warfare is finished, 
your race is run, and you have found rest for 
your weary feet. 

Highly favored of the Lord, I long to join 
you; I long to take my place at your feet, and 
to leave this vale of tears, this thorny wilder- 
ness. Come quickly, dear Savior, quickly 
come, and bear me to thy blest abode. Earth 
is a tiresome place; I am quite sick of it, and 
long to be with thee; yet would I not repine, 
or be impatient; but resignedly do thy work, 
and wait thy will. Increase my trials, so thou 
increase my faith, and welcome crosses, so 
thou sanctify thcip. Yet, it is but little that I 
can do for thee; and my utmost services, are 
not worth the name; therefore, I plead, that 
thou wouldst hasten thy comang, and deliver 
me from my bondage; yet a few miore weary 
steps, and I hope my feet shall rest upon the 
everlasting hills; and when the awful, though 
wished for moment arrives, be thou then with 
me. Put thine everlasting arms underneath 
me, for my support; give strength and confi- 
dence to my departing spirit; let the recollec- 
tion of the firm coveniint between us, then sus- 
tain me, and in mercy gild the dark valley, and 
brighten the gloomy shadow; enable me, a 
poor, weak, undeserving sinner, to do honor to 
*9 



102 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

religion, in that last finishing scene, and to 
glorify thee, dear Lord, with my expiring 
breath. 



Then I shall with thee remain. 
Partner oftliine endless reign; 
Then thy face, unclouded see, 
Find my Heaven of Heaven? in thee. 

AMEN, HALLELUJAH. 



XI. 

CONTRITION FOR LEVITY, TRIFLING, 8cC. 

Maj2B, and 29. 
UNDER dreadful pressure from the commis- 
sion of two flagrant crimes. 

My anguish, distress, and misery, are greater 
than I can express; and no ideas can be ade- 
quate to what I feel, for the shocking levity, 
trifling, idleness, and even deceit of the forego- 
ing day; dear Lord, pity a contrite soul, and 
heal my broken bones. Compassionate Re- 
deemer, forgive my guilt, and comfort my poor 
wounded spirit. 

O what a wretched sinner I am; what an 
abuser of mercy. Good Lord, I am ready to 
faint. Pity, pity, I beseech thee. 



RELIGTOUS EXERCISES. 103 

XII. 

TEMPTATION RESISTED AND TURNED TO AD- 
VANTAGE. 

WHAT a dread ful trial lliis is. I have had a 
hard conflict today. I have sinned, I have 
grievously sinned, and Satan takes the advan- 
tage of my distress, and tempts me vol to pray, 
and cry for mercy, because, says he, you are too 
bad, and you have abused mercy too much, ever 
to be forgiven. But, O my Jesus, I have tasted 
too much of thy marvellous sweetness, to for- 
get it, and leave thee so easily. No, I cannot 
do it. I lay myself at thy feet; and if I die, T 
am resolved it shall be there, even before the 
cross. I know that I deserve everlasting 
damnation; but this thought, though dreadful, 
does not pierce me so deeply, as my vile in- 
gratitude to my soul's best friend. I start at 
the view of myself. Is it possible? Three 
days ago, and I thought I could have gone v^itli 
thee to prison, and to death. Three days ago, 
and I had an answer for every doubt, for every 
enemy; my sky was clear, and my cup run over 
with joy; now every thing oversets me, and I 
lie in darkness, and gloomy night. My trem- 
bling heart hardly dares speak to its injured 



104 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

Lord; and Satan strives to discourage it more, 
and more, and even to make it despair; but 
blessed be God, yes, I will bless my God, for it 
is he that does it. The devil has not been able 
to keep me from a throne of grace, with all his 
subtlety; and I have been kneeling there with 
shame and confusion efface. I have not been 
able to say one word, but only show my Jesus 
a wounded, broken, contrite spirit. 

Dearest Lord, despise not m.y polluted sacri- 
fice, but give some look of kind compassion to 
a mourning soul. I am all filth, and guilt, and 
tincleanness. My soul is covered with leprosy; 
but I know that if thou wilt, thou canst make 
me clean, and restore me to peace and comfort. 

Let me humbly plead with my Lord, and 
earnestly implore his pity. I am a helpless, 
undone sinner, that, without a glance from thee, 
or a cheering ray, must sink into despondency. 

Dear, kind shepherd, for thine own name, 
and for thine honor's sake, recall a wandering 
sheep, and bring me, to feed again in the sweet 
pastures of thy love. O magnify thy grace in 
me, a poor silly creature; and be thou glorified 
by my consolation. 1 thank and adore thee, 
sweet Jesus, for any rills of comfort, any 
glimpse of relief, to my distressed mind. Show 
me a^ain the reviving light of thy countenance; 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 105 

let me once more enjoy sweet communion 
with thee, and my trem'^ling; soul find refuge 
in thy bleeding wounds-. Help me to walk 
more circumspectly, and never to spend 
another day in so foolish, vain, and worldly 
a manner, seeing its dreadful consequences are 
the wounding of my own soul; offending my 
dear Lord; grieving the Holy Spirit and tilling 
me full of sorrow, darkness, and indevotion. 0> 
give me strength from above, to walk more 
closely with my God. 



XIII. 

COMFORT IN RESIGNATION. 

MY soul, be of good courage, wait on the 
Lord, and he shall strengthen thy heart; let 
not the howling of tht> savage beasts, which 
rove about this forest, affright thee, nor the 
prickiijg 01 the thorns, which grow thick 
throughout the way, deter thee from thy duty; 
thou shalt not have one more trial than is 
necessary, nor shall the cross ever be heavier 
than thou canst bear, 

Jesus will support me through all the dreary 
wilderness; nor ever leave his pilgrim coiri- 



10& RELIGIOUS EXERCISES, 

fortless, unless for a season, if need be, that my 
faith and patience, being tried, may be found 
not wanting; and that being purified, as with 
fire, I may be counted worthy to receive the 
end of my faith, even the salvation of my soul. 
Sometimes it is dark enougli within, and the 
thick clouds of unbelief, almost intercept my 
sight; but I call to mind, my past experiences, 
and remember the old loving kindnesses of my 
Lord. I think on Christ's unbounded love, and 
rest with sweet delight upon the gracious 
promises. I often enjoy inexpressible rapture, 
in the contradiction of my own will, and in the 
midst of distress, am enabled to sing songs o^ 
triumph. 



XIV. 

COMMUNION WITH GOD UNDER DISAPPOINT- 
MENTS. 

A LITTLE time ago, I met with a considera- 
ble disappointment, and in a matter too that 
lay m.uch upon my heart; but I shall never for- 
get the comfort I received. I shut myself out 
from the world, and in bitterness of spirit, fell 
low before my Savior. I poured forth Hoods 
of tears before him. I showed him my rebel* 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 107 

lious heart, ready to repine, because things 
went not as I would have them. My dear Mas- 
ter gave me a look of kind compassion, and 
with ineffable sweetness smiled graciously up- 
on me. Nature was subdued; Grace triumph- 
ant. I left him not, till my whole soul was 
melted to resignation; and I went forth from 
my chamber, cheerful and easy, without a sin- 
gle wish, but in subserviency to the divine di- 
rection, and desiring nothing but that God's 
will may be done in me, and by me, and upon 
me. I find such happiness in this state of 
mind, that it is my utmost ambition to attain an 
entire submission to the decrees of Providence, 
so that I may receive, what to my short sight- 
edness appears evil, with the same thankful- 
ness, as the most desirable things in the world, 
and even accounting it all joy, that I am thought 
worthy to suffer, knowing that nothing hap- 
pens by chance, and every dispensation, if my 
own stubbornness prevent it not, will work for 
my eternal welfare, and every cross be made a 
step to glory. 

'Tis my happiness below. 
Not to live without the Cross; 
But I he Savior's love to know. 
Sanctifying every loss. 

Trials make the promise sweet_, 
T'rials give new life to prayer. 
Trials lay lae at l»is feet, 
J^av lue io-iv, ar.cl kee{) me there. 



108 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

XV. 

PANTING AFTER GOD, AND DELIGHT IN HIM, 
AS THE SUPREME GOOD. 

AS the reviving stream to the thirsty hart; as 
the soft nocturnal dews to the parched herbage; 
and as plenteous showers after long drought in 
summer; so dear fountain head of refreshment, 
and infinitely more, are the emanations of thy 
love and the waterings of thy grace, to my 
thirsty, dry, and parched soul; thou art my re- 
treat from the burning sun, and the shelter of 
my defenceless head. 

To thy bosom do I flee for refuge, from the 
hellish darts of Satan; and hide myself in thee, 
from all my ghostly enemies. 

While I abide with thee, I am secure, nor 
fear to be molested by the most potent foe; 
but, alasl fool that I am, my unsteady feet are 
ever apt to stray, and w ander in tempLation's 
flowery paths. 

Through the prevalence of temptation, I 
leave my Lord, enter into the world, defile my 
robes, fill myself with mourning, and drink 
deep of the bitter cup of shame and remorse; 
jt is astonishing to myself, that after receiving 
from thcc the bread of life, and drinking large 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 109 

draughts of living water, I should ever forsake 
thy bosom, and leave my hiding place. Lord, 
I love trials, I love crosses, for they send me 
near to thee. Passing through the fire and 
water, through torrents of distress, and floods 
oftribulation, are indeed my sweetest moments, 
for then I forget the world, and derive my hap- 
piness and comfort from thyself alone, my un- 
changeable and never failing friend. In the 
day of affliction thou dost cheer my fainting; 
soul, and revive my drooping spirits. When I 
am ready to sink under the load of grief, and 
enveloped with deep gloom, my heart and my 
strength are ready to fail, he supports me in 
the dark hour, and darting through the thickest 
clouds, with the sunbeams of his love, calms 
my troubled mind; gives light, and joy, peace 
and consolation, which the world knows 
nothing of, and which I would not part with for 
thrones of royalty, and sceptres of dominion. 

Mistress of the universe, without Christ I 
should be miserable; with him, no state can be 
adverse; for the soul that is made one with 
Jesus, and lives in daily communion with him, 
has health, friendship, honor, wealth, pleasure, 
and satisfaction, more and greater than the 
warmest imao-ination can conceive, or the most 
fluent tongue describe. 
10 



110 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

Weak of body, sick in soul, 
Deprest at heart, and faint with feats; 
His dear presence rnakts me whole, 
And with sweet comfort cheers. 

Thou of love, the fountain art. 
Freely let me take of thee, 
Spring thou up within my hearty 
Rise to all eternity. 



XVI. 

DBEAD OF INABILITY TO RESIST TEMPTA- 
TION; TRUST IN GOD, AND SUPPLICATION 
FOR STRENGTH IN TIME OF NEED. 

I AM often much distressed by fears of apos- 
tasy. This dread upon my mind keeps me 
very low, and I often weep at the very appre- 
hension of it. I cry day and night to my God, 
and importunately wrestle with Him for pre- 
serving grace. I expect, unless there be some 
wonderful intervention of divine grace, soon to 
meet with sore temptations. The fear of re- 
proach, and love of creatures, so easily beset 
me, that I am sure nothing less than power 
from on high, can enable me to stand; my situ- 
ation at present, is peculiarly happy; I am in a 
dear family; my uncle and aunt are patterns of 
piety, and every one in the house, to all outward 
appearance is a real christian. Here I am en- 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. HI 

et)uraged in devotion, and my pious resolutions 
meet with applause; but, O what should I do, 
if I were in an irreligious, or even lukewarm 
society; how could I bear to be laughed at for 
my preciseness, and to be ridiculed for my 
strictness to hours of prayers; how would my 
poor heart stand it, if I were surrounded with 
gay company, and from morning to night, 
heard nothing but worldly conversation. Do I 
not find, whenever I go out, the world too apt 
to engross my thoughts, and steal on my affec- 
tions? What should I do if my nearest con- 
nexions and dearest relatives were gay and 
fashionable, and did not live up to the strictest 
doctrines of the cross? If left to myself I must 
undoubtedly fall; and unless Christ has pity on 
me, I must infallibly backslide. Dear, tender 
hearted Shepherd, hear the groanings of a 
trembling soul; and let not my importunity, 
offend thee; my immortal interest is at stake, 
and nothing but thy strength can be sufficient 
to redeem it from destruction. I rest and de- 
pend wholly upon thee, for I know that of my* 
self I shall ever be prone to wander. 

Dear Jesus! hear, in pity hear me; after such 
solemn covenanting; such awful transactions} 
such rapturous endearments, let not earth or 
hell, tempt me to violate my vows, nor th® 



118 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

vir.i!cd force of men and devils, have power to 
breuk me bonds, which tie nie to thee. O let 
iTie ne verperjr.re myself, never deny or forsaV.c 
my Lord, {av with whom else can I find eqiu.l 
happiness, or what shall recompense me for 
the lo^s of thy favor. 

O. '-.y Redeemerl I am willing: to take up 
the crv.>ss; to go with thee to prison and to 
death; to bear shame, reproach, contumely, 
loss ot fortune, reputation, and even life itself, 
fur thy buke, but not able to do the least of 
them. It is thou only, who hast worked in 
me the will, that must give me the power. 
Sei'^J down upon mc thy heavenly benediction; 
strengthen me from above. O let me hear 
thy gracious voice declaring, that strength 
shall be equal to the day; then will I rejoice, 
and leaning on thine all-sufficient gi^ce, go 
forth conquering, and to conquer; let thine arm 
be my support, and grace my shield. Thy spirit 
inr guide and director, and for thy mercy's 
Si-kc, perfect thme oun work in the soul of thy 



XVII. 

TAXITY OF THE WORLD, AND JOY IN THE SAVIOR- 

Let not. Lord, my wandering nund. 
Follow after fleeting tO}-s; 



RELIGIOUS EXEBCISES. 11 

Since in thee alooe I find, 
S<A'id md subftamial jof •; 



Jmrff tliat neirer overpast, 
Tbrn^ etenuQr iIkuI last 

I>wd, how happT U the heart. 
After thee, while it aspires. 
True and fiuthfui, as thou art. 
Thou shak answer its denres; 
It shaUseethe |;loriofis scene. 
Of thine ererlasSi^ r^^n. 

I low comfortable is it, thus to enjoy my Sa- 
ilor; how much more satis^torjr, and substan* 
tial is this bliss, than that to be gained bj a few 
minates idle con^ ersation, or those trifling em« 
plojuients, which have lately occapied my 
mind. Lord, show me more of the vaiiity of 
the world, and my great need of thee. 



XVIII. 

COSTBITIOM FOR MlSPE3fT TIME, AJTD BESOLU* 
TlOSfS TO IMPROVE IT IS FUTLEE. 

Scpumber 5. 
TIME is short; how seasonable then is the 
advice of the apostle; ''Use the world as not 
abubing it, for the fashion of this world pa»etb 
away." 
When I look back, and consider bov ofteDj 



114 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

and how long, I abused the good gifts of God; 
not receiving them with thankfuhiess, but 
employing them solely lor the gratification of 
iTiy sinful and corrupt desires, I am filled with 
the deepest horror and mourn, with heartfelt 
grief, my vile ingratitude. 

When I review the hours and days, the 
months and years, of sin and folly, which have 
passed over my guilty head, and reflect on the 
amazing, unparalleled iniquities, which I have 
comn itied; recollect the gracious opportunities* 
which I have misimpioved; the numberless ser- 
mons and conversations of pious friends, and 
godly ministers, which I have slighted; the 
striviuLjs c f the blessed Spirit, which I have 
resisted, and v ithi.l the continuance of distin- 
guished mercies on so undeserving a wretch? 
my very knees smite together, with trembling 
and confusion, and I grow pale with sorrow 
and regret. It is astonishing to myself, that I 
liave been so long spared; that I have yet a day 
of grace; and I cannot but behold myself as 
a miracle of mercy. 

I shudder at the very thoughts of what would 
have become of me, it God hud stopt mc in my 
career, and cut short my days, as I justly mer- 
ited, but a year, or a year and a half ago. J 
wus then in the very lieight of folly, in open 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 115 

rebellion against the majesty of Heaven, and 
running headlong to destruction. I had back- 
slidden, forgotten my first love, and was ten 
times worse than ever I had been in my life. 
Adored be the divine love, which had better 
things in store for me, and which by amazing 
and powerful, though in general secret and in- 
visible means, called me to himself again, and 
has gone on, fulfilling his own work in my 
heart till now, through grace I can rejoice in, 
and long for that hour, which then I dreaded, 
even to think upon. 

Oh that I could now redeem the time; since 
it is impossible to recal the precious moments 
which are gone, bearing on their wings noth- 
ing but the black account of my transgressions; 
may I endeavor to retrieve my past miscon- 
duct, by my future vigilance. Oh! that I could 
spend one day well; one day wisely and with- 
out waste of time. O! how much of this inval- 
uable and precious blessing is spent; not 
merely on things unnecessary, but on things 
hurtful, and which fetter my feet, and hinder 
me in my progress. 

What a great portion of my time, is devoted 
to sleep and meals; to outward adornings; to 
provision for the flesh; to vain visits; to un- 
j:)rofitabIe conversation; to idle curiosity; and 



116 RELIGOUS EXERCISES. 

ten thousand other trifles, which too often oc- 
cupy the greater part of the day. 

What an important work have I to do, and 
how little time to do it in? O that I may make 
my calling and election sure. I do not know, 
but my journey may be nearly finished, and in 
a few weeks, perhaps a few hours, the awful 
summons may arrive, and warn me to quit this 
tenement of clay, and to appear before the 
great Judge of quick and dead. O that I may 
be found ready, sincerely penitent, and humbly 
contrite; and when the solemn register of all 
my secret, as well as outward sins, is opened, 
may they be found crossed by his precious death 
and merits. 

Awake, awake, O my lethargic soul! sleep 
no longer on the brink of a precipice. Con- 
tent not thyself, with having done something, 
but press forward continually, with thy utmost 
power. Make the most of the short span al- 
lotted thee, and never rest satisfied with any 
thing short of perfection. Yet a little while, 
and that cry shall sound in thine ears; "Behold 
the bridegroom cometh;'* watch, that thou 
mayest be ready to meet him, to meet him 
with joy, and to be received by him into that 
everlasting kingdom, prepared for thee, by hia 
lovcj before the foundation of the world. 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 117 

My God and my strength, thou wilt shortly 
come with power and great glory, to judge 
the world, and to separate the sheep from the 
goatsj make me diligent, and prepare me for 
thy coming; and grant that I may be one of 
those, who will sit on thy right hand, and dwell 
for ever with thee, in the mansions of unfading 
bliss and evergrowing pleasure. 



XIX. 

On the lord's day. thanksgiving for res- 
tored HEALTH, AND RENEWED ACT OF SELF 
DEDICATION TO GOD; WITH PRAYER TO BE 
ENABLED TO ACT WORTHY OF THE HONORA' 

RLE NAME OF A CHRISTIAN. 

Sunday. 

THIS is the day which the Lord has made; I 
will rejoice and be glad in it. The sabbath 
and service of the Lord, shall be the joy and 
solace of my soul. 

I will pay my vows now in the sight of all 
thy people, and enter into thy courts with 
thanksgiving and praise, for the wonderful 
mercies, vouchsafed me throughout my life; 
particularly for thy late mercies of comfort on 
a bed of sickness, restoration from the brink 



118 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

of the grave,* and an agreeable and safe jour- 
ney. Lord, here I am. Receive this renewed 
oblation of myself to thee; not indeed, for the 
merit of it, but for the sake and worthiness of 
my dear Redeemer. 

Help me this day, and all the days of my 
life, to walk worthy the honorable name I bear; 
as one sigjned with the sign of the cross, and 
may I never be ashamed of the faith of Christ 
crucified; but as a good soldier and servant of 
the Lord Jesus, fight manfully under this ban- 
ner against the world, the flesh, and the devil. 
Compassionate High Priest, give me, I be- 
seech thee, continual supplies of strength from 
thine own unbounded fulness; and in thy outer 
court this day, let me be greatly refreshed ai.d 
strengthened to go on my way. O let this sab- 
bath be to me an emblem of the eternal sab- 
batism, which I hope ere long to enjoy, with 
all the faithful, in thy glorious kingdom. 

O give me a glimpse of thy countenance, 
and reveal thyself to my seeking soul, through 
the lattice of divine ordinances. Banish every 

* The date of these meditations is fixed by this circum- 
stance. It is known in the domestic circle, that Miss Lau- 
rens was i>i serious danger of dying in England, from the 
measles, soon after she left Charleston, in the 16th year of 
her age; and, before she went to France, in her 19th. year 
The original is without date as to the year. Editor. 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES* H^ 

worldly thought, and drive from me all vain 
ideas. 

Come, holy Spirit! come; O come, and 
cleanse my heart; prepare it for the reception 
of my divine guest; set it totally free from all 
earthly solicitude; and make it a fit habitation 
for the ever glorious Trinity. 

O thou, who standest knocking at the door, 
with joy to thee I open; come in and sup with 
me; come in, and take up thine eternal abode, 
and let me ever dwell in thee, and thou in me» 



XX. 

GRATEFUL ACKNOWLEDGMENTS FOR RENEW- 
ING GRACE, AND AN ASCRIPTION OF EVERY 
ATTAINMENT AND BLESSING TO FREE, UN- 
MERITED GRACE. 

WHAT has God wrought? O, my soul? look, 
and look, and love, and wonder! How am I 
changed! How different are my thoughts, my 
views, my pursuits to what they were! and 
blessed be God that I can say, how different is 
my practice. I now love what I hated, and ab- 
hor what was my former delight. Adored 
be grace. Not unto me, O Lord! not unto 



120 RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 

me but to thy free and unmerited goodness, be 

all the glory of my salvation. I had neither 

power nor inclination, to part with earth, or 

seek for Heaven; but grace has done the work; 

convinced me ©f sin, and made me in love with 

Holiness. It has shown me my own inability 

to every good thing, and my need of so allsuf- 

ficient a Savior as Jesus is. 

Grace! 'tis a sweet, a charming theme, 
M) thoughts I ejnice at Jesus name; 
Ye angels dwell upon the sound, 
Ye Heavens reflect it to the ground. 

I was quickened by grace, when dead in 
trespssses and sins; by grace, alone. I stand; by 
grace only do I make any attainments; and with- 
out grace I am nothing; can do nothing but 
sin. The building was begun by grace, and 
the topstone shall be raised with shouting 
grace, grace unto it. Through time and eter- 
nity, grace shall be still my theme; now in 
time, I can only lisp its praises; then 
in eternity, when my stammering tongue 
is unloosed in a nobler, sweeter song, I will 
sing its power to save, and join with all the na- 
tions of the ransomed, in echoing, and re-ech- 
oing through the vast expanse of Heaven, the 
wonders of redeeming grace, and in ascribing 
to the Lamb, the blessing, honor, and glory 
due unto his name. 



RELIGIOUS EXERCISES. 121 

O what immortal joys I felt. 
And raptures all divine, 
"When Jesus tokl me i was his. 
And my beloved mine. 

Blessed Savior! I adore thy wonderful 
goodness, to so undeserving a sinner, to so 
vile a rebel; any hope of pardon, any interval 
of peace, was more than I could possibly merit 
or expect at thy hands; and yet thou hast given 
ine a full assurance of forgiveness, and often 
refreshed me with sensible manifestations of 
thy good will towards me. Praised be thy 
Name. 



I cliarge you all, you earthly toys. 
Approach not to disturb my joys; 
Nor sin, nor hell, come near my heart, 
Nor cause my Savior to depart. 



11 



APPENDIX, No. V. 

EXTRACTS FROM MRS. RAMSAY's DIARY. 

Saturday, July Utliy 1791. 

MY feet had well nigh slipped, through the 
prevalence of my easily besetting sin, neverthe- 
less I laid me down to sleep, rejoicing that I 
had not utterly fallen. Lord make me at all 
times watchful. 

17th. Lord may this be a sanctified sabbath; 
a day to be remembered for holy resolutions 
and enabling grace. I am weak; O when shall 
the time of full strength come. In all the 
great trials and lesser vexations of life, may 
patience have its perfect work, till I lie down 
where the wicked cease from troubling, and 
the weary are at rest. 

19ih. I thank God, for the ease and cheerful- 
ness of this day; and that, in spite of secret 
griefs; and spiritual conflicts, my soul and 
body do both sweetly repose themselves in 
the God of my salvation. 

20th. O day, blackened with sin, and spot- 
ted by transgressioni how long, O LordI how 
long; when shall 1 advance in tlie spiritual lifej, 
and not thus wound my peace, and dijlp^race my 



biARV. 123 

profession. I ihank God, that my heartaches. 
O let it never be hardened through the deceit- 
fulness of sin. Ob, my God! how lately hath 
thine afflictive Providence been vi^ringing my 
heart, with at\\ofold anguish; the loss of my 
sweet baby, and the consideration of those sins, 
which required this chastisement; and yet, how 
prone am I to return to folly. OhI for the 
grace of true repentance, and of unfeigned 
resignation. 

27th. The two last days, have been days of 
mournful walking. Oh how does the remem- 
brance of my sweet Fanny press upon my mem- 
ory; and how good is God, that though cast 
down, yet my heart is kept from murmuring, 
and aches more for my sorrow causing sins, 
than for the sorrow itself; thanks be to Christ, 
who has purchased a Heaven for us, where we 
shall be without sin, and of course without 
sorrow. 

28th. Lord, make me ashamed of my sins, 
and give me a holy fortitude^ to resist; and let 
me be making continual war against them, till 
grace shall conquer, and death set me beyond 
their reach. 

29th. Oh power of sin, how great art thou' 
Lord, give me strength. 

30th. My heart is ready to break under a 



124 DIARY. 

sense of sin, and to cry out, I shall one day fall 
by the hanrls of these mine enemies. Oh thou 
great deliverer. Death! how pleasant is the 
thought that tl.ou wilt free me from this body 
of corruption; hold thou me up, O Lord! that 
all the days of my appointed time, I may walk 
very humbly and mournfully, under a sense of 
mine iniquities. Cleanse thou me from secret 
faults, and let no open, or presumptuous sin, 
get the better of me. Lord, I am weak; 
strengthen me; lam bowed down under thy 
ehastisement; yet so much lighter is it than 
my guilt, that I am filled with wonder at thy 
compassions and long suffering. 

3 1 St. Prepare me, O God, for the unknown 
events of this day; and at all times, keep me 
humble and fearful. 

August 4th. Oh! easily besetting sin; when 
shall the time come, that thy power will be 
broken, and my poor soul find rest. Lord, 
make me diligent, in self examination, and let 
not any sin have dominion over me. 

5th. In six and in seven troubles, I have 
found thee, O Lord, my help. Forsake me 
not now, O my God! 1 am most unworthy, 
Lord, even to look up unto thee; yet to whom, 
Lord, should I go, but unto thee, who hast 
words of Eternal Life, and the keys of univer- 



DIARY. 125 

sal Providence. Unto thee, commit I my ways; 
and on thee, as from whom alone can come 
help, do I cast my cares. 

6th. These three past days have been black 
days; Lord, deliver me from sin, especially 
from those, which so easily beset, and so often 
oppress me. My soul longs for deliverance 
and rest. Holy Spii-it of sanctification, dwell 
and rule in me, and deliver me from this horri- 
ble subjection. 

10th. Mr. Hollinshead baptized Mr. E. 
Ramsay's little boy, naming; him David. May 
God bless the infant, and make it indeed a 
child of grace. 

12th. Here I still remain a monument of 
forbearing mercy. (Mi infinite compassioni 
that I should be out of Hell! Oh Lord! the pres- 
sure of my sins is indeed very great. Oh for 
thy mercy's sake, deliver m*e. I am weary of 
my life, because of my daily sins; and where- 
as, I ought to have made progress. Despair 
is sometimes ready to overcome me, through 
the power of sin. Lord, help me, enable me 
^o endure to the end. Lord, abandon me not, 
or I grow weaker and weaker. 

loih and 16th. Truly, the pressure of guilt 
is upon me, and I feel astonished that my bed 
has not this night been made in Hell. O 



126 DIARY. 

wretched mel when shall I be delivered from 
the body of this death, and from the power o^* 
this sin. Oh, how it cleaves to me, how it be- 
sets me, how it conquers me, and then leaves 
me almost in the depths of despair. Lord I 
tremble, and my soul is sore pained within 
me. Surely these repeated rebellions are for- 
feiting all thy mercies, and I need dread, lest 
all sorts of bereavements happen to me; I need 
be in horror, lest the worst of bereavements 
happen to me; even that I be bereaved of the 
light of God's countenance, and damnation bo 
my portion. Oh! vilest and most complicated 
of sinners that I ami Terror and dismay take 
hold upon me. O, if men knew me as ! am 
known to my God, I should be trampled under 
foot; the church would disown mc; the great- 
est sinners would abominate me, my husband, 
that loves and thinks well of me, would won- 
der at me, and mourn, and I should be hated of 
all men.* Cord have mercy upon mel Christ 

* TIjcsc self abasements and condemnations, may appear 
to some to be eMiavagant. To this it is replied, that they 
iire Marrante.J by the descriptions othuinan dej)i-avity, given 
in lioly writ "And ood saw that the \\ ickedncss "ofuum 
vas great in the earth, and tliat every imagination of the 
tlio.ights of his heart, was only evi! conlinuany," Genesis 
vi, 5 *' riie heart of man.is d'eceilful above all (hinjjs, ai.d 
deeperately wicked. A't'iio can know it, ' Jc-i-emiah xvii, '.J. 
St. l^aul calls jiimself "the chief of sinners,'' 2 Timothy i, 
15. It is also to be observed, (iiat they who do not praclis;' 
self cxanunalJon, are unactiuaiiiled with the workin^js ui' 



DIARY. 127 

have mercy upon me, a most miserable sinner, 
and let any thing happen to me, rather than I 
should be easy in this dreadful, evil state of sin. 
Oh! Holy Spirit, strive with me. OhI gra- 
cious friend of sinners, intercede for me. Oh 
merciful Father! have pity upon me, and give 
me power against sin, and more and more 
brokenness of heart, because of it. Lord, I can 
hardly endure the view of my own heart, yet 
forbid that it should be hidden from me. Jesus, 

their own minds, and strangers to heart religion, are not 
competent judges. It is with holiness as with iinowledge. 
He who knows most, is most scnsibfe of liie defects of his 
knowledge They wli© have attained the highest eniinence 
in religion are most deeply imp' essed with a sense of thcif 
own unworthiness. As every exercised christian knows 
more of the sinfulness of liis own heart, than i>e possihlj 
can of the heart of another, the practical i-esuit is, that every 
such christian is apt to lliink worse of himself, tliau of any 
other person. Before tlie charge of weakness, rant, or en- 
thusiasm, is brought agoinst the subject of these memoirs, 
it is recommended to the objector to make the following 
experiment Let him take the sartie pains she did. to ac- 
quire self knowledge, by daily self examination, by reading 
the word of God, and comparing herself with it; bv studying 
such practical authors on the subject, as Owen on Isiuweiling 
Sin.and I'lavel on Kee\tiiigthe IIeart,by daily prayer to God, 
to search and try her, to tliscover her to herself, b} daily 
-watching the origin and motives of her thoughts, words, 
and actions, and by comparing them ail, with the divine 
commands, to do all for the glory of God, "to love her iMa- 
ker with ail her lieart," aiul^her neighbor as herself," and 
then he Aviil be more capab'.e of deciding whelhei tlie self 
abasements and condemnation which run through her diary, 
unseen by any Iiuman being wltile she lived, was tSie lan- 
gu:ige of a weak, entkusiastic person, or the genuine ex- 
pressions of real, unallected humility, groun<ted on self 
kjiowiedgc. Editor. 



128 DIAEY. 

Lord, I fly to thy cross; for sorrow taketh hold 
of me, and yet so weak am Ij that I have no 
power agamst the very sins which do so pierce 
me through. 

October 1 9th. As this day, O Lord! is stain_ 
cd with sin, so let it be marked by the deep- 
ness of my repentance. Let the blood of Je- 
sus cleanse me from my defilements; and the 
grace of thy Holy Spirit, prevent me from 
such repeated falls; and save me from fulling 
finally. Oh! sins against vows; sins against 
light; how do they pierce my heart. Surely, 
Oh Lord! there are none that do eat of thy 
bread, who lift up their heel against thee, 
like me. Lord save me or I perish. Oh! I 
would not let thee go; but alas, alas, how often 
do I act as if I knev.' thee not, mucii less as if 
I cleaved to thee. Lord have pity on a sinner. 

21 St. Nanny, our servant died in an instant 
of an apoplexy. I^ord, make it useful to the 
young people ir^ our family, and may we all 
improve by tlie warning. 

JK^vembcr 2d. Alas, Lord, hew wretclied iim 
I, while the desire of my heart is, I trust, tru- 
ly turned to thee; yet I often fall into such sins, 
as bring horror uj>on me. Oh my God! I am 
Avcakness itself. Strengthen me by thy gracei 
and preserve me from secret sins,'^ and from 



DIARY. 129 

presumptuous faults, and enable me to walk 
•watchfully. 

Lord, I reconunend myself to thee, in the 
present intricacy of several of my worldly con- 
cerns. I bless thee for thy counsels and chas- 
tcnings; give me v/isdom and prudence in all 
my walk, a resigned temper, and a humble 
mind, and enable me pondering all these things 
in my heart, and remembering thy former 
loving kindnesses, and thy tried faithfulness 
and compassions, amidst the storms of inward 
temptation, and outward troubles, to have my 
heart at peace, being stayed upon thee. Lord^ 
if any heavy trial is before me, help me to go 
through it with becoming fortitude, and with 
great meekness; and walking by faith and not 
by sight, may I humbly and patiently wait the 
great unfoldings of thy providence. 

Lord, assist me in my preparations for the 
solemnities of the ensuing sabbath. Break my 
heart down, under a sense of sins, and then 
enable me to look to Jesus. 

5th. Lord I thank thee who art a God, that 
givest as well as takest. I praise thee, that I 
have one child in heaven. Lord have mercy 
on those, which remain on earth, and in thihe 
ow^n good time and way» bring them also to the 
kingdom of thy glory. Lord, help me in the 



i3i> 

time v.:iic:i i* zti re r.:.. :o w^»;^ m a huniole, 
suicty afid vaichfiJ manner, ljicI not by ar.y ii.- 
do^CBce in sm to be layicg u^ scirow for is.y 
vretcbed sell Jesus hear and help a sinner, 
who casts herself en ihec 

lOth- Lord be pleased to give me reptnitance 
for the sins of this day, and poorer against ai 1 
sin; bot especially against that, vhicb thou, O 
God, seest, and my ovn heart knoweth, to be 
my easily besetting sin.* Lord suffer me net 

* lllbat is so pstibetkaDr deplored daoos^KntllbisdkrT, 
as tke caskf WsenKg am'mtks Mtkor. tke cdkor dedbres 
''to fcc whtoMj iftxaiat ofc AacasiiT besecUBgsn.is 



geacraBr — duiinnd tobe» gatg'hcco^jaJBsioaof lrfcicl^ 
there iB>H«Mig pi oy LjAj ,ekhcrfrt>»the( 
iBApamaii ol tke ksdv, «r soac peciiku 
off tbc tiMcs, oT sttBaXkm/piolieaaoa. of nsd. Vodj. or oat- 
After twrot; iamt yean of vedded life, >»> a 
ofal the Eceoes tberecf, tW ctSfor can- 
irfat wM realy iwtm d ed ty tlic smi «orepg«t« 
aad rcsoKed i^aiast, mder the deftulJon nf 
the' ijaJj hesectia^ sa, of'^e scbjert of these metMiirs. la 
the vholeeoTO otthottiMehe never once 9kw her so &r 
aader the iaincarr of reartmeat or inMci a a , as to approoeh 
the inaJiM.1 of vmM a a ge r , or evea to be iaeaMKtcBt vith 
If Ae exceVed ia aay oae irirnie. more 
r, k vas laeekaess. He also declare^ ti^t in the 
[ he aerer k*ev her to otter aar thJc|r that cou td 
he caBed runomm, daaderoos, or hitter laagajin. or do any 
iMrn^ that appealed to he the reirit of ■iHrr or Ut m'M. 
That Ae reeerred di^ts if veM kaova; hatkisalmkaowa 
thac she reaeatcd theat do fivther thaa ^ avoiding their 
repetitiaa, sad In- prafiag for their nthors. Of a prood 
or e rbe a riag dispomioa, there vaa aoi the least appearaacc 
As a vife aed BMSther, heroolr t'aak,if sach it maj hecaled, 
-vas the execs of her lore, teaderaess, aad anxictr, for the 
iwfoit ^h1 happiaeas of her ha^oad aad chiidrea, isdue- 
i^ her to make too Urgt sxcrtfees of her ova eaJDjineBts, 



DIARY, 131 

to &]1 into presamptiaiiSy and bf dbr great 
mercv, keep jbc from tlac dommioa of anj 
sin. O friend of samers, karc pitT <n ve, aad 
make me dread sin aboreall tbixtg^ and 
vith liolf lear, at a distatscc from aO the 
sons of h. Lord, sare me or I perish. 

31st. L/>rd fill me vith shame^ibr the sinsof 
this cLiT, aod delirer me frum the pcnrer of 
sin. Lord, my socl Soffcth thee, aad I groan 
under tMs bodj of corr«ptioD; Taake thf grace 
suScient for me« 

25th. Mf hosbaad set oirt for Colo«nbb. I 
pr«r God bless and preserre him; zc same 
dxr, mj dear little Patty feU in» t s parior 
Sre; bat br God's good proiidence I vas ena- 
bled to snsitch her co^ and smother the flame,^ 
before ste had receired anj considerable 1&- 
jott; mar God's goodness deeplr affect me; 
acd maj I show forth bis pnise in a I^hj Itfe. 




OTa^ Ukkflf iru<^ «T^. «r 
to k, or et-ea «r amj sack 4e^enlr^act. 




be snereir ilmiTin i' isr 

li is ^Msafe OiM tiUslnily 
kx<« ben 

setfl 9Bck «B csAdikf-s sW Sac^-aor n pcffirmms: iil%iwui 



132 DIARY. 

Lord, pluck her as a brand from everlasting 
burnings, and make her thirie own child. 

December 28th. In all my soul perplexity, I 
would come to Gcd; he is a tried refuge, and 
has brought me in spite of sin thus far. Oh, my 
good Godl forsake me not now; but be my 
very present help in trouble; to thee do I pour 
out my soul, and from thee do I expect, and 
look for that succor, which I so greatly need, 
and w hich none but thou canst afford. Lord, I 
cast myself on thy mercy in Christ. Strength- 
en thou me, lest I faint, or utterly fall away. 

Au,^ust 12, 1794. Many people are ill jusl 
now, and deaths frequent; and although the 
reigning disorder is said to be confined to stran- 
gers or people who live irregularly, yet when 
so many are sick, and dying around us, it is a 
call to all, to gird up their loins, to trim theii 
lamps, and to be in readiness. Lord, make m€ 
at all times ready; that so thy coming, unde: 
whatever circumstances, and at whatever houi , 
may be a matter of joy, and not of terror to my 
poor soul. Oh be pleased to give my dear 
husband judgment, and steadiness of mind, in 
the duties of his profession, and preservation 
from the dangers of it. My gracious Savior be 
thou pleased to deliver me from being under 
tiie dominion of any sin; and grace most par- 



DIABV. 133 

ticularly, to watch against the assaults of my 
easily besetting sin; that so this imgtdtyy may 
ncTer be mv ruin. 

1 6th. Alas, O ray soul, on a review of the 
week past, how little cause hare I for rejoicing; 
my dear Sabina has been brought through her 
weaning at a critical time, beyond ail my ex- 
pectation, aiid is healthy and thriving; the rest 
of my children and family well, when so many 
are sick, dying, or dead, around us; but what 
have I rendered to the Lord for all these ben- 
efits? It has been a week marked by folly, and 
stained by sin. I have been careless in all my 
duties, and have fallen into sins, over 
which I have again and again mourned, and 
into which I had hoped never to fall again; 
and now, Ob, my GodI if ihou shouldst be 
strict to mark what is done amiss, how should 
I abide. I desire to apply to that grace, which 
is my only refuge. Oh Lord, accept and par- 
don me in Christ; enable me, all the remainder 
of ray life, to walk under a humbling sense of 
sin, so as always to have a broken and contrite 
heart; and Oh my GodI as the thing which I 
desire of thee above any thing else in the 
world, and what thou alone canst give, be pleas- 
ed to save me from the power and tyranny of 
sin.and grant me inward and outward sanctiSca- 
tion, as a meaLs of avoiding sin; enable me t« 



134 DIARY. 

keep the rcsoliuion which I now make to per- 
form daily self examination, with more dili- 
gence and strictness, than I have lately done, 
and constantly to meditate on the awfulness of 
making a religious profession, without a daily 
serious care, to be holy in thought, word, and 
deed. 

18th. With bitterness of spirit, I desire to 
humble myself before the Lord, under a recol- 
lection of all my past sins, and more especially, 
of the sins committed since I have devoted 
myself to him, and chosen him to be my Ciod. 
Oh, these are the sore burdens, tiic grievous 
distresses; after having known the goodness 
'jf the Lord, so repeatedly to rebel against 
him. Oh my Heavenly Father! be pleased to 
give me more wisdom and more grace for the 
future; my soul panteth after holiness, and the 
most earnest desire of my heart, is to cleave 
more diligently to the way of thy statutes. I 
would wish to be more diligent in sell exami- 
tion; more watchful to prayer; more steady in 
resisting temptation; more attentive to provi- 
dences, and more careful in the instructions 
whirli I give my dear children, and in the ex- 
ami)lc which I set before them. Lord, I am 
not sullicient for these things; but hold thou 



UIARY. 



135 



luc up, iind I shall be safe, and my feet shall 
not slide to rail. 

23d. On a review of the last week, I find 
that my mind has been much exercised in 
spiritual things; that I have been more 
earnest in private prayer, and sought my God 
in the watches of the night; and yet I can- 
not perceive an increase in sanctification, 
according to my desire; nor that strength 
against sin, which my soul pants after. Oh 
my God, be pleased to give me holiness; ena- 
ble me to go on, to serve my blessed Savior 
fully, and to walk with that uprightness, that 
uniformity, that heavenly mindcdness, which 
I owe to him who has bought me with so 
great a price, and whose mercy and love to. 
ward me, is so great and so constant. Oh 
that I could hate sin, not only in my judg- 
ment, but in my practice, by avoiding 
it, and every thing that leads to it, in 
thought, word, or deed. Oh iiow happy are 
they, whose Warfare is ended, and who have an 
everlasting period put to all their sins and sor- 
rows, and temptations, and arc safe in the new 
Jerusalem. Hold thou mo up, O Lord, and I 
also shall be safe; but if tliou leave me but a 
moment to my own wretched and sinful pro- 
pensities, I perish and am undone. 



136 DIARY. 

Sefiteinbcr 22, 1794. Mrs. Petrie died of a 
six days illness; having been married to Mr. 
George Petrie, only twelve days. God grant 
that no such awful and awakening providence, 
as the removal of a young person, so lately 
full of life, and health, and strength should pass 
without some serious improvement; some 
earnest desire to have my loins girt, and my 
lamp burning. 

October 6th. My sister Pinckney died, hav- 
ing been generally delirious from Friday; and 
her speech so thickened, that though she at- 
tempted it in the intervals of reason, she never 
could make us understand what she wished to 
say to us. Miss Futerell and myself were con- 
stantly with her; but my heart is too full to 
write on this subject. Lord, thou knowest my 
groanings, and my sighings are not hid from 
thee; commisserate thy poor, sinful suffering 
creature; and fill me with humility and resig- 
nation under this exceedingly heavy stroke of 
thy Providence. 

13th. Having had continued sickness of 
body, and a mind full of grief; though I trust 
entirely submitted, and resigned to the divine 
will, and desiring to find life, health, and peace 
in the cross, on ilic second of November, I be- 
came so seriously ill, as to fill all about me 



DIARY. 



137 



Avitli apprehensions for my life; in which state 
I remained for two days; and for five more, in 
a state of very deplorable weakness; it pleased 
Him, however, in whose hands are the issues 
of life and death, to raise me from the bed of 
languishing; and upon the whole, my general 
liealth is better than it had been before. Oh 
that by all means, God may draw me to him- 
self; and never cease striving with me, till I 
am wholly his. 

JVovember 2 1st. Dr. Ramsay left me to go 
to Columbia; I thank God he was not cal- 
led to this duty, at the time, I was so extreme- 
ly ill. May God bless and take care of this dear- 
est and best of friends; and return him in 
health and safety to me. 

February 7 th, 1795. Out of the depths have 
I cried unto thee, O Lord, and thou hast heard, 
and helped me. Out of the depths now I cry 
unto thee again, O my God. Let not my griev- 
ous sins stand as a separating wall, between 
thee andmy soul; but forthc sake of Christ, my 
atonement and intercessor, hea/ thou me and 
help, for from thee, alone, can help rome. lam 
in straits, trials, and perplexities of soul, and of 
body. My outward affairs can only be helped 
by thy providence; my spiritual troubles by thy 
grace. Creatures can neither undcrstanti nor 



138 DIARY. 

assist me; to thee, therefore, the giver of all 
good, and the source of all consolation, do I 
come, and humbly commit all my cares to thee, 
Avho carest for sparrows; how much more for 
thy redeemed ones. Surely I have found thee 
a prayer answering God, and that in some very 
remarkable instances; and whereas I might 
have been in hell; and there deserve now to be; 
instead of being here, I have reason to say, 
hitherto, hath the Lord helped me; and yet my 
wicked, faithless heart, dares to doubt, if he 
will yet help me. Oh my good God, whose 
providence is over all thy works, and whose 
long sufTcring is infinite, punish not this faith- 
lessness of thy poor, broken, and bruised reed, 
by leaving me to myself; but add this to all thy 
former loving kindnesses, to hear me in the re- 
quests which I now offer unto thee, and send 
me a gracious answer according to my singu- 
lar necessities; calm, O Lord, the tumult of 
my thoughts; compose my disturbed mind, and 
make me lowly and resigned bifore thee, as 
bei:omes so great a sinner. If thou art pleas- 
ed to answer my prayer, and yet that it should 
be in a way cf afHiction, let it suffice me, that 
the Lord rcignclh; and may not a murmuring 
thought come across my breast; but looking 
unto Jesus, who, for my sake, endured the 



DIARY. 139 

cross; may I also meekly submit; shouldstthou 
answer me accordini^ to my wishes; Oh let it 
be in mercy, not in judgment; and let this re- 
newed instance of thy kindness and conde- 
scension, draw my heart nearer to thee, in faith 
and holiness, than it has ever been. Lord, I 
leave my case, my sorrows, and difficulties bo- 
fore thee; pleadint^ only the merits of the pre- 
cious Savior; to thee, O my Jesus, are all my 
sighings known; and my groaningsare not hid 
from thee. 

March 1st. Lord I come before thee again 
with m.y perplexities; Oh let not my impor-, 
tunities offend my God; but do thou be pleas- 
ed this day for Christ my Redeemer's sake, to 
hear and to help me, and to give a gracious 
answer to those prayers which I shall offer in 
thy house, and at thy table; Lord, give me a 
quiet mind and a resigned temper in whatever 
thou shall be pleased to order. May no doubt- 
ings or unbelief on my part offend my God; 
but may I now most remarkably find thee, 
the God who wilt perform for mc this thing; 
which I so much desire; Lord, be pleased to 
remember thy word unto thy servant, upon 
which thou hast made me to hope. Let no'c 
the Lord be angry with his poor creature, who 
so earnestly pleads with him now to rnan- 



140 DIARY. 

ifest himself to her soul as her God, by ans^ver- 
ing her present request and supplication. Lord 
I am thine, save thy servant, and if it be com- 
patible with thy divine decrees, grant the de- 
sire of my heart wliich thou knowest, and by 
this manifestation of thy providence, clear up 
my dark skies, and restore peace to my troub- 
led soul, 

ilth. May a good and merciful God turn off 
my heart from folly and unbelief, and be pleas- 
ed in great mercy to quiet my spirit and to force 
me to confess that he is the wonder working 
God. Deliver me, O Lord, from consuming 
care; clear up my darkened skies, be pleased, 
O my gracious and condescending Father, to 
relieve my mind from its present perplexitVj 
to fit me again for usefulness, and to grant me, 
jf it.be thy blessed will, a gracious and speedy 
answer to prayer. 

Sfth, Since the 27th of January my mir.d 
has been more exercised both from outward 
pressure and inward conflict than I can ever 
recollect it to have been since I gave myself to 
be the Lord's; most particularly the 7th of 
J'ebruary. The 1st and Ilth of March have 
been extraordinary days, both of dgony of spir- 
it, and of prayer to God. On the 1 4th of April, 
from the extreme distress 1 was in, I felt as if 



DIARY. 141 

heart and flesh without any bodily indisposition, 
were both going to fail; and nothing but the 
support of the everlasting arm. and the pouring 
out my complaint with groans and tears, and 
sighs into the bosom of him, who was once a 
man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, 
kept me from sinking, Oril who but the 
Maker of my frame, and the former of my spir- 
it, could ever know what I underwent on this 
awful day. Had I turned to any creature, none 
could have understood my case, much less 
could they have helped it; but I turned unto the 
Lord, my often tried; Oh that 1 bad not to add 
my often provoked friend; and he said unto me 
deep as seemeth this mire, thou shalt not sink 
in it. I will make a path for thy poor wearied 
feet, that thou mayest get out; nevertheless, 
because of thy sins against light and love and 
gracious manifestation, it must be with sorrow, 
and with suffering, and with toil. On the 15th 
I had a very remarkable answer to prayer, a 
partial lifting up, and tokens for good vouch- 
safed me, that I should be helped through, and 
that he who made the sun to stand still for 
Joshua would bring me quite througn; since 
then I have been waiting for the full accom- 
plishment of that desire of my heart, which I 



142 DIARY. 

believe the Lord v/ili grant mo, though the fa- 
vor has been deferred, yet, alas, alas, I have 
not waited as one so suffering and so helped 
ought to have waited. I am defiled with sin; 
I have left off to walk so softly before the Lord; 
as I had done before this aid was granted me, 
and now I am in a plunge againj and my skies, 
which seemed to be clearing away, are now ob- 
scured by clouds and darkness. Woisme* 
for fear I have sinned away God*s mercy, and 
am fearful about the manifestation of his pow- 
er; his all sufficiency, his tender compassions 
which day and night I have been looking up to 
him for; yet Oh no! let me not add to my other 
guilt the guilt of unbelief; the Lord has caus- 
ed me to pray; he will ansv/er the prayer of 
my petition; he hath caused me to hope, the 
strength of Israel will not fail me; merit of 
mine own could at no time be the plea for 
gracious favor or providential mercies; and 
now what time I am afraid, and my heart 
doubteth and trembleth within me, I will lean 
on Jesus; I will trust in him; I will believe 
that for the sake of this dear Savior, my God 
will perform for me all this thing which I hope 
for from him; and I will therefore cast all my 
care on him who careth for me, both for my 
soul and my body. My soul waited upon God; 



DIARY. 148 

upon tlie bountiful God; from him is all my ex- 
pectation, and in him is all my trust; Oh Lord! 
keep me watchful and prayerful. 

June 2d. I can no longer say the skies are 
darkening, for they are so darkened that I see 
no light; and I am ready to call myself desolate., 
forsaken, cast off by God: yet, I dare not mur- 
mur, I am not in hell, where 1 deserve to be. 
Instead of poring on my disappointments, vex- 
ations, and sufferings, I would endeavor in this 
dark dismal night of trial, to praise the Lord 
that there is a haven of rest prepared for the 
weary; and to lament my sins, which make 
such deep sorrows necessary to my sanctifica- 
tion. Oh my Savior, put out thy helping hand 
and keep me from sinking in these deep wa- 
ters; let the billows, instead of overwhelming 
me, make me cleave closer to the cross; and. 
Oh my compassionate Father! If it be not thy 
will, to grant me the prayer, which I believed 
thou wouldst have done, having had my heart, 
so drawn out to pray; yet at least keep me 
from being overwhelmed by temptation, and 
from being so entirely depressed, as to be use- 
less and worthless in that state ot life to which 
thou hast called me. If I may not tecord that 
the Lord hath heard, and granted my request^ 
at least enable me to know and feel, that he 



144 DIARY. 

hath given brokenness of heart, and let me 
not dare, while under the frowns of his provi- 
dence, to sin against him, lest a worse thing 
come upon me, and my soul be ruined. Lord, 
do thy whole will; teach me to do, enable me 
to suffer whatever thou shalt see fit, and at 
last give me rest from all trouble and all con- 
flicts, in the peaceful grave, and the bosom of 
my Savior. Loul, search my heart and try my 
reins: deliver me from every evil way, and lead 
me to life everlasting. 

Thou art God Almighty; I will act faith up- 
on thine omnipotence; I believe, that in spite 
of all the difficulties which appear to me, thou 
canst do that which I require of thee; I believe 
also, thou wilt, if it be right and proper, and in 
every case, I desire to lie down in the dust be- 
fore thee. 

June 5th. Lord have mercy on me a poor 
tempest tossed wretch, groaning under the 
burden of sin, and held in bondage by sorrow. 
Oh, thou good physician, heal my soul; com- 
pose my spirit; pardon my sins; hear my pray- 
er; but, above all things, give me the spirit of 
sanctification; a desire to improve by every 
providence that besets me; and a mind at all 
times and in all things resigned to thy will. 
With thee, O God, is all power and wisdom; 



DIARY. 145 

1 am all impotence and folly. Be pleased, 
therefore, O my God, to order all my aifairs 
for me, and to be a very present help to me 
in this time of need. Give me a sound judg- 
ment, tlxat good understanding which belongs 
to all them who fear thy name and do thy 
commandments. Be thou praised^ O my God, 
for past favors; and let them be sweet encour- 
agements to me, still to wait upon my God; 
and to cast all my cares upon him; in the great- 
est agonies of my spirit, great is the cosolation 
I experience, in pouring out my heart before 
him, and seeking counsel at his hands who 
giveth wisdom liberally, and upbraideth not; 
let this day be a day of prayer and holy wait- 
ing on thee; and let the approaching commu- 
nion Sabbath, be a blessed day to mc; a day in 
which God will draw nigh to me, as he does not 
unto the world; in which the death stroke tnaf 
be given to my most easily besetting sin; and 
I may know thee to be in very truth, my rec* 
onciled Father in Christ, and be able to add 
another, hitherto to my past experiences. O 
thou that hearest prayer, unto thee shall all 
flesh come. O thou, that hearest prayer, iin^ 
to thee, most particularly, should those come, 
who have often found thee a prayer answering 
as well as a prayer hearing God. feord, let the 
13 



140 DIARY. 

remembrance of Ibc especial times in which 
I have found ihee such, be as a cordial to sup- 
port my drooping spirits, and revive my dying 
faith. I l)elieve in the Father, the Son, and 
the Holy Ghost.-' I desire to renew at this 
time, my often broken covenant,' and beseech 
the Lord to make me from this time forward, 
to the conquering oTmy last enemy, and bid- 
ding- farewell to sin and sorrov., more closely 
his than ever, and to enable me to walk holily, 
humbly, soberly, and uprightly, as beoomes a 
professor of the Gospel of Christ. 

10th. Let God be praised for all his mer- 
cies. Let his holy name be glorified for the 
blessings of the lust ^ibbath, when I was ena- 
bled to call upon him with my whole heart; 
and to find some consolation and support to 
my burdened mir.d in the exercise of faith and 
prayer. Oh, what in the present perturbation, 
conflict, and uneasiness of my spirit could sup- 
port m.e, but those divuie consolations which 
fiom limfe to time, the Lord is graciously pleas- 
ed to bestow upon me. How long, O Lord, how 
long JKist thou appointed, that I shall labor un- 
der ti^is perplexity; Lord, not my will but thine 
be done; only be pleased to give me the spirit 
of submission and humble waiting upon thee, 
that so I faint not; neither let go my confidence 
in thee, the God of hope. Lord, having again 



DIARY. ^^^ 

renewed my covenant with tliee, give me a 
heart to enjoy the priviiec^es of the covenant; 
and with holy boldness to draw near the thione of 
Grace, and looking up to Jesus, the great medi- 
ator of the covenant, by prayer and supplica- 
tion, to make known unto thee all my requests. 
Lord, I spread before thee all my wants; unto 
thee I pour out all my complaints; be gra- 
ciously pleased to attend to the sorrowful sigh- 
ing of thy poor creature; and according to the 
riches of thy goodness in Christ Jesus, to per- 
form for me, those things which I have so long 
and so earnestly desired of thee; and for which 
I amstill calling upon thee by day and by night; 
above all things, O Lord! give me grace to 
walk holily; to avoid temptation; to keep in the 
path of duty, and of watchfulness. Hold thou 
me up, Lord! and so shall I be safe. 

Ji^ne lOih. Holy resolutions which I desire 
to enter into this day. 

To watch more against my easily besetting^ 
sin; and frequently in the day, to ask myself 
v/hat I am about in this respect. 

To be more diligent in reading the word of 
God ivit/i mcditatio72. 

To have my thoughts under better govern- 
ment; saying frequently to them, "whence coiij- 
est thou, and whither gocst thou." /. 



148 DIARY. 

To watch against indolence; remembering" 
that the Christian life is a warfare; and that 
the kingdom of Heaven must be taken with 
a holy violence, and cannot be obtained by the 
slothful. 

To watch against extravagance and self in- 
dulgence, and to endeavor to walk more use- 
fully than I have hitherto done. 

To remember the vow which I have lately 
■made unto the Lord; and to be looking up to 
him with a holy desire for the time when I 
shall be permitted with songs of thanksgiving, 
to pay unto the Lord this vow; and to record 
his mercy. 

11th. Oh, wretch that I am, who shall deliv- 
er nne from the body of this death; immediate- 
ly after holy vows and godly resolutions, I have 
committed grievous sins, so that I am in hor- 
ror, and dread, and fear lest I should sin away 
all God's mercy; alas, Lordl I am so vile and 
wretched, that I am now afraid almost even to 
pray; yet nothing else can do for me; Lord! I 
lun so vile, that I am a terror to myself. Oh, 
my Godl for the sake of Christ, have pity on 
me a miserable sinner. Oh, wash me in his 
precious blood; cleanse me from my renewed 
and aggravated guilt; and be pleased to give 
me thy Holy Spirit to enable me to be moro 



DIARY. 149 

watchful for the future. Lord! I tremble un^ 
der a sense of guilt; and am so frightened at 
my own folly, that I am afraid of thy judgments, 
and seem ready to give up all for lost. Lord! 
have mercy upon me, a most miserable sinner; 
and pardon me, I earnestly beseech thee; puri- 
fy my sin defiled and spotted soul; save me 
from despair; enter not into judgment with 
me, for I can hardly abide the condemnation of 
my own conscience; Oh, how much less the 
severity of thy justice. Suffer me not, O Lord! 
to go on in any course of sin; and let this re- 
newed experience of my wretchedness and 
weakness, make me seek more earnestly for 
that grace by which alone I can be kept from 
falling into the greatest sins here, and into the 
depths of hell hereafter. 

2 1 St. Dr. Keith's text. Prov. viii, 32. 
^'Now, therefore, hearken unto me, O ye chil- 
dren; for blessed are they that keep my ways." 
To hearken to Christ, includes attending to his 
providences; attending to his precepts; wor- 
shipping him with the heart; by an open pro- 
fession; by a suitable conversation; the blessed-, 
ness of keeping' his ways; peace and joy in be- 
lieving God's comfortable presence with them 
through life and at death, with a joyful eternity; 
serious address to sinners, and to professors* 
*13 



150 DIARY. 

Dr. Hollinshead's text. Luke viii, and 13. 
"Take heed, therefore, how ye hear." This du- 
ty includes a constant attendance on the means 
of hearing; with preparation of the mind before 
hearing'. We should hear with meditation* 
with prayer, with profession, and with an en- 
deavor to bring forth fruits answerable to our 
advantages; arguments for this careful atten- 
tion; v.'hen faithfully administered it is the 
word of God, and we must give an account to 
God for our iniprovcment or misimprovement 
of gospel opportunilics; address to the young 
on the advantages of early religion. 

22nd, Monday. My mind is at present and 
has for some days been in a state of awful con- 
flict. I am waiting upon God for a mercy 
which I have sought so long and so earnestly, 
that I cannot but think God has drawn me to 
pray for it. By the morning dawn, in the 
\vatches of the night, at noonday, and at even- 
ing tide, I am still at the throne of grace; be- 
sides, many a thought sent tliither in the 
course of every hour, while at the necessary 
avocations of my situation. Now the promises 
of God; his merciful manifestations; his tokens 
for -good make me hope and rejoice; again, my 
sins plunge me into despair, and I am weary, 
faint, and comfortless; in tlic present moment 



DIARY. 151 

Vfiy heart fainteth within me, and my spirit is 
exceedingly troubled. Succor me. O Lordl 
succor me, for I greatly need thine aid. Be- 
hold a humble broken hearted supplicant ac- 
knowledging herself unworthy of the very 
crumbs of thy mercy; yet trusting in thee for 
extraordinary displays of mercy. Send thy 
reviving grace, for I am perplexed. Oh, my 
God! keep me from sinful murmurings and 
distrust; make me patient in tribulation; and 
carry on within me the work of sanctification. 
Lord! be pleased to grant me the desire of 
my heart, which I mean to ask with a holy, not 
a sinful impatient importunity; and my soul 
shall praise thee with joyful lips. 

26th. Prepare me,0 Lord! for all events that 
may be before me, whether comfortable or ad- 
verse. I am in great darkness; be pleased to 
enlighten me, I lack wisdom; Oh, thou who 
upbraidest not, be pleased to give liberally, and 
according to my great necessity. Be thou 
my counsellor by day, and my instructor by 
night; give me that blessed knowledge which 
comes from thy teaching; let me sit at the feet 
of Jesus, and learn his will; learn to knov/ it, 
learn to do, and learn to bear it. Wonderful 
have been thy dealings with me for some time 
past. Thou hast answered prayer; but Oh, ir> 



152 DIARY. 

how different a manner from what I expected; 
nevertheless, there has been such astonishing 
admixtures of mercy with judi^ment, that I can 
only love, admire, and praise. While thou hast 
punished mine iniquities, and by the very 
methods of granting my request, brought my 
sin to remembrances and made'iny flesh trem- 
ble for fear of judgments; thou hast given me 
faith; held up my goings, and made my soul re- 
joice in thy salvation; and now Lordl what shall 
I say, I desire to notice . thy providences; to 
bless thee for thy mercy of yesterday, when so 
great a burden was taken from my mind; and 
I v/ili hope that thy goodness will speedily put 
an end to the remaining troubles under which I 
labor, and do all that for me, which my soul 
could expect from such extraordinary begin- 
nings of favor, and which it never could have 
prayed for so earnestly, if thou hadst not ena- 
bled me. Answer me, O my GodI in mercy 
and not in judgment; and let me not lose thy 
blessings, either from not asking, or from ask^ 
ing amiss. Oh thou great Searcher of hearts, 
known unto thee are all my thoughts; send out 
thy ligiit and thy truth; and let them teach me; 
and make all niy thoughts, all my desires, and 
all my prayers, such as thou wilt graciously ap- 
prove; accept and answer for the sake of Christ 



DIARY. 153 

Jesus, that great mediator between God and 
man, in and through whom alone, I have any 
confidence in drawing nigh to thee. 

29th. Oh, careless, wretched, sinful crea- 
ture; Lord, let not iniquity prevail; save me or 
I perish. 

July 3d. Desiring to redeem time for sacra- 
mental preparation. Much exercised about 
sins committed since the last month; and my 
heart very low; when, on serious examination, 
I find that I have fallen again and again into 
sins repented of, suffered for and solemnly 
covenanted against; so that I am ready to say, 
I shall one day fall by the hands of this mine 
enemy; nevertheless, I think and hope that 
sin becomes every day a greater buiden to me; 
that I am never at rest in the commission of it, 
and that I am more than usually afraid of its 
indwelling power, and cannot pass even a few 
hours without looking to Jesus, and longing 
for pardon and sanctification; yet alas, alas; 
this is not where I ought to be. I have been 
many years a professor; God has been won- 
derfully gracious both in spiritual and tempo- 
ral affairs; and instead of having just life 
enough to be grieved at sin, and desirous of 
holiness, I ought to have made great advan- 
ced in sanctification, and to have been eminent- 



154 DIARY. 

ly pious, instead of being saved as it were by 
fire. I ought to be able to say, "I iiave fought 
the good fight." Lord! be thou pleased to par- 
don all my deficiences; to fill me with grace, 
and to enable me very much to improve at this 
time. Oh, meet me this day in thy courts; 
may I be filled with the spirit of prayer, and 
have my heart very much disengaged from this 
world. I desire at this time particularly to 
notice God's providential dealings with me; 
more especially some remarkable incidents 
which have happened to me within three years: 
to glorify Godfor his judgments, and to rejoice 
in the manifestations of his mercy. I have lately 
received some especial favors, which I desire 
gratefully to remember, and to show forth my 
thanksgivings with my lips and by my life; 
with respect to some other concerns, God is 
leading me by a way that I know not; but I am 
persuaded it will be the right way; yea, I can- 
not but think that having done so much for me, 
so unexpectedly, so compassionately, he will 
fulfill ere long all my desire, and make me to 
know that he is a wonder working God. Oh, 
that this may be a day of great devotion with 
iTie; may God bless the minister who is to 
preach, and provide for every seeking soul, 
that which shall be most suitable for it» 



DIARY. 155 

Juhj 5th. Dr. Keith's text. Isaiah xJv, 24. 
^'Surely shall one say, in the Lord have I 
righteousncGs and strength." Reviving words 
to souls ready to sink in despondency under 
a remembrance of past sins, and consciousness 
of present weakness. Christ is the Lord, in 
whom we have this righteousness, and tliis 
strength Our righteousness as bearing what 
we had deserved, standing between offended 
God and offending man. He saves us not only 
from the guilt, but thfe power of sin; he gives 
us strength for all our work, and all our war- 
f^xre; the christian life is a constant warring; 
a life of diligence, activity,, self-denial, resis- 
tance of temptations, corruptions, evil inclina- 
tions, which we could never accomplish in our 
own strength; address to the unconverted, to 
seeking souls, professed disciples. 

12th. Dr. Keith's text. Psalm Ixv, ]2. 
"Thy vows are upon me, O God! I will render 
praises unto thee." Vows of dedication of 
property or persons allowable under the Gospel 
as well as under the law, having never been 
forbidden; but this was not the point of view 
in which he meant to treat the subject; but of 
that religious acknowledgment of God to be 
our Lord, and dedication of ourselves to be his 
people, which was the duty of every one. Par- 



156 DIARY. 

ticular seasons suitable for the making and re- 
newing such vows; times of dedicating our- 
selves or our children by baptism; and of com- 
ing to the table of the Lord; times of special 
affliction; example of Jacob when he left his 
father's house to go into a strange land; times 
of especial mercy and deliverance; example of 
David, when he penned the llGth Psalm; ex- 
hortation to those who have already taken the 
vows of the Lord upon them in the ordinance 
of the Lord's Supper; to those who keep back 
from a dread of giving up the world and being 
bound to walk more strictly; to those who keep 
back from a fear of not performing their vows, 
and of falling off. The first are in an awful 
state, the latter have every thing to encourage; 
exhortation to all; for all have in some degree 
the vows of the Lord upon them. Who, but 
at some period of their lives, in some time of 
awful affliction, some threatened stroke upon 
their property, their reputation, their dearest 
relations, have called upon God, and prom- 
ised to devote themselves to him, if he v/ould 
but help them. Who but in some threatening 
danger by sea or by land; some severe fit of 
illness; some sore pressure of miiid or body, 
have, at some period of their lives, in some 
way or other, taken the vows of the Lord upon 



DIARY. 157 

them; nay, every day's mercy calls every day 
for gratitude; and, above all, the gift of God's 
Son, and the offers of salvation, particularly 
bind us to it. A very excellent sermon, and 
most particularly suited to the state of my 
mind. 1 desired and attempted in the evening 
to take a survey of God's mercies to me, both 
spiritual and temporal. Of my m.any broken 
vows; to beseech of Christ to undertake for 
me, from a sense of mine own inability to keep 
holy resolutions; with holy shame and indigna- 
tion did I complain to my God of the preva- 
lence of my easily besetting sin, in spite of all 
the vows I had made against it; most earnestly 
did I pray to God to take me then; to remove 
me that very night, rather than I should live 
to be the bond slave of corruption, or that this 
iniquity should be my ruin. 

I desire to renew a vow, which I made some 
time ago to the Lord; namely, if the Lord 
would grant me a certain favor, whicli I have 
for some time desired of him, ([ hope accord- 
ing to his will, because I have been most 
wonderfully drav^'n to pray on the subject; and 
when my heart v/as bursting with grief, 1 have 
felt such inward consolations, and received such 
tokens for good as could only come from God,) 
which favor I also desire of him, as far as I 
U 



158 DIARY. 

can know myself, with sincere resignation and 
wishes to submit to his will, if he should be 
pleased to disappoint me; the vow I have 
made, and made in the anguish of my soul, is 
this; if the Lord shall be graciously pleased to 
perform this thing for me, I will keep two 
days of thanksgiving in every year, so long as 
I shall live; on each day giving to the poor, 
and endeavoring to find out some proper ob- 
ject, thirty dollars. Lord! all my goods are 
nothing worth; and all my life ought to be 
thine, whether thou grantest or whether thou 
vvithholdest; but T desire to do this, if thou 
shalt give me the opportunity, as an expression 
of gratitude; a bind upon my own heart to re- 
member the Lord's mercy; and a means of 
drawing my heart nearer to thee. In addition 
to this, I desire to keep two days of humilia- 
tion in every year on set days; to sit mourn- 
fully before the Lord of Hosts, and to humble 
myseU for those sins, which have been as a 
separating cloud between God and my soul, 
and may have been the means of keeping me 
so long in a state of darkness, perplexity, and 
anxiety, known only to my poor sorrowful 
heai;t, and to the Maker of my frame. LordI 
have mercy on me, a most miserable sin- 
ner; and make every path of duty plain and 



DIARY 



159 



straight before my feet. What time I am 
afraid, I will call upon God; even upon God, 
that performeth all things for his people; O 
may I be one of them. 

19th. Dr. Keith's text. Psalm Ixxvii, 7, 8, 
9. "Will the Lord cast off for ever? and will 
he be favorable no more? Is his mercy clean 
gone for ever; doth his promise fail forever- 
more? Hath God forgotten to be gracious; hath 
he in anger shut up his tender mercies." 

Introduction. The frame of David's mind, 
when he penned this Psalm; the anxious in- 
quiries of the people of God, whenever his 
dispensations to them or dealings wiih them 
do not correspond with their desires; these 
despairing, gloomy thoughts arise from the 
judgment of sense, the weakness of faith; or 
from taking only a superficial view of the 
Lord's doings; judging of things according to 
their present appearance, without adverting to 
what may be their final issue. We are per- 
mitted to be in this frame, to discover to us 
the corruption and weakness of our own hearts; 
for the trying and exciting our graces; and 
for the glory of God. Wlien in this situation, 
either from the pressure of outward trial, or 
the anguish of spiritual distress, we should be 
encouraged to trust in God, and to persevere in 



160 DIARY. 

prayer, following the example of the woman of 
Canaan; instead of saying, why will God so 
long refuse the desire of my heart; we should 
say, why should I not continue to wait upon 
God, who will assuredly grant me the spiritual 
blessings I a&k^ and even not refuse me the 
temporal mercies I wish for, if they he for my 
good. Great encouragement to parents to 
pray for the salvation of their children, or of 
any near and dear friend, who is much on their 
hearts. Persevering prayer can do wondters. 
The longer we have waited for any especial 
mercy, the more delightful will it be to find 
God [jerformingall things for us. When God 
hath heard the prayer of our petition, and 
granted it in some measure,' we should cheer- 
fully acknowledge it, and have a new song in 
our mouths, even the praises of our God, say- 
ing, "Who is like unto thee, O Lord! among 
the gods; who is like unto thee, glorious iu 
holiness, fearful in praises, doiijg wonders." 

This sermon was wonderfully suited to the 
state of my mind, Mid the situation of my af- 
fairs. I have been more than usually enlarged 
in prayer for our ministers the past week; and 
I felt this morning as if God had indeed sent 
me, by our valuable Dr. Keith's mouth, a word 
in due season; may God strengthen his hands 



DIARY. 161 

and establish his heart, and return sevenfold 
into his bosom his labors of love among us. 
May he find God to be to him, as he described 
him to us this mornin;^, by way of encourage- 
mentto prayer, the Father of mercies, and the 
God of all consolations; his God in covenant? 
■\vho overruleth all things for the good of his 
people, and will make all things work together 
for their best advantage. O, that I could have 
faith and patience to wait the issue of every 
trial, and not to judge of the Lord's dealings by 
the anguish of the present moment, remem- 
bering the example of Job; for who, said Dr. 
Keith, could have thought what designs of 
mercy the Lord had for this man; had they 
beheld him deprived of his property, bereaved 
of his children, smitten in his flesh, persecuted 
by his enemies, censured by his friends, and 
even his God writing bitter things against 
him; and yet the latter end of this man was to 
be better than his beginning. 

Dr. Hollinshead's text. 2 Timothy, iv, 7, 
"I have fought a good fight; L have finished 
my course; I have kept the faith." A retro- 
s])cct of our past lives, a useful employment, 
particularly proper and pleasing in the close 
of life, if we have the testimony of a good con- 
science, that we have fought the good fight; to 



14 



162 DIARY. 

fight tlie good fight, implies a life af holiness, 
according to the rules of the gospel; not 
building on any wrong foundation or setting 
up decent morality in the room of christian 
holiness; it implies also a progression in sanc- 
tification; not'to progress is to decline; to fight 
the good fight includes also perseverance to 
the end; address to those who have entered the 
lists; and to those who have not yet begun the 
warfare. 

31st. My soul is exceedingly sorrowful and 
weary, because of sin. Oh, that I had wings, 
like a dove, that I might flee away and be at 
rest; I hoped that thi'ough grace I had walk- 
ed more carefully, more warily of late, anci 
trusted that, at this season of solemnities, I 
should be enabled to praise God, for having 
made a better progi'css in religion; but, alas, 
witliin a few days I have fallen off; ceased to 
resist with vigor the assaults cf my easily be- 
setting sin; cind my soul is full cf trouble and 
darkness; yea, my God, whom I have offended, 
hideth his face fjom me, and I am troubled. Oh 
Lord! have mercy upon me, and either give 
me power against sin, or full pardon, through 
Christ, for all my past offences, and a speedy 
entrance into that world, where I shall never 
sin. Oh Lord! I am faint and wearv: T loathe 



DIARY. 163 

and abhor myself. Oh, compassionate my 
case; help me by thine Almighty power, and 
let sin never so reign in me as that I should 
quietly obey it. 

August 3d. Yesterday was a sacramental 
sabbath. In the morning I felt my heart so 
bowed down under a remembrance of past sins, 
and more especially of sins recently commit- 
ted, that I was ready to set myself down as a 
'vile hypocrite, fit only for damnation, ripe for 
Hell, and so utterly unworthy of eating with 
the children of God, that I thought I must 
have staid at home in sorrow, and tears, and de- 
spair; however, with a trembling,fearing,aching 
heart, I went; Dr. Hollinshead's sermon was a 
very excellent and extensively encouraging 
o^nc; but, alas, I fear I have more need of hav- 
ing my heart broken, than of having it com- 
forted; for truly, I am a great sinner; when I 
considered my broken vows, my faithless en- 
gagements; that I continue on sinning against 
mercy, against love; sinning at this particular 
time, when I am waiting on God for answers 
to prayer; and when every power of my soul 
ought to be engaged in his service; when I felt 
that my sins are not trilling ones, such as the 
weakness of human nature, or the strength of 
temptation might palliate; but that 1 am y^ 



164 DIARY. 

wretch, deserving of more wrath, and temporal, 
and eternal chastisement, than any creature ev- 
er was, who had ever received one half the 
mercies from God that I have; I was afraid to 
make any more resolutions; afraid to hope 
that ever I should be better, and in the dread 
of myself, the inability which I feel to walk 
perfectly before my God, even for one week, 
the dread of being a prey to temptation, and 
the bond slave of corruption as long as I 
shall live, I could only wish that God would 
be graciously pleased just to save my soul 
from hell; among the many mansions which are 
in his house to appoint for me me very lowest, 
and to remove me from this state of conflict, 
and warfare, where I am so often foiled. Oh, 
my Saviorl be pleased to hide me in thy bosom; 
I am more weak and more wicked than any 
thou didst ever undertake for; and if thou 
leave me one moment to myself, I am lost for 
ever. Oh, dear Savior! heal n^y backslidings; 
bring back my wandering feet, and have pity 
on the poorest wretch that ever came before 
thee; above all things, keep me from ever be- 
ing contented in any state of sii^.; Oh, deliver 
me from being contentedly guihy. 

Augnut 23d. Last Thursday a prayer socie- 
ty was held at Dr. KciUi's. I hear there hu§ 



DIARY. 



165 



been one for about a fortnighi on Sunday even- 
ings, at Dr. HoUinshead's. I pray God ac- 
company them with his blessing for the good of 
souls and the revival of religion; my own mind 
is not yet made up about attending them; I 
look to God, who knows all my thoughts and 
all my circumstances, for direction. 

Sefitembcr7l\\. Three things I have partic- 
ularly desired of the Lord at his table yester- 
day; 1st. That my easily besetting sin might 
receive its death's wound; that I may never 
be under its dominion; or that of any other sin; 
yea, rather than I should ever live in the vol- 
untary indulgence of any sin, that it would 
please God to remove me from time to eterni- 
ty, if I might but have the lowest scat in 
Heaven, where I may see his face and never 
sin. 2d. The thorough con? ersion of a very 
near and dear friend, vrith such an interference 
of Providence in some particular concerns of 
theirs as may be to me, if it be his blessed 
will, an evident answer to prayer. 3d. That 
my dear husband may be preserved from 
worldly entanglements, and enabled so to man- 
age his earthly aflairs, that they may never in- 
terfere with his heavenly business; and more 
especially, that vvc may rather be satisfied with 
a smaller portion of this world's goods, thart 



166 DIARY. 

to run the risk of being greatly involved. In 
pouring out my heart before God, these things 
were particularly on my mind; and I hope pre- 
sented through my gracious Intercessor and 
Mediator with som.e degree of fervor, of hope, 
and of trust in God; but something also is nec- 
essary on my part, and I desire grace to be 
enabled to avoid the occasions of sin, more es- 
pecially of the sin over which I have so much 
mourned, and against which I did at that time 
so earnestly pray. May I call myself to a daily 
account what indulgeiice I have given to this 
iniquity; what self denial I have exercised 
concerning it, and never leave watching and 
praying, till God has granted me some victory, 
or removed me from the land of conflict. For 
the second petition I will strive and look to 
Christ for help, to walk holily and uprightly, 
that so those who love me may see nothing in 
me, to hinder them from entering on a relig- 
ious life. For the third, my wish is to man- 
age my family affairs with discretion; to avoid 
extravagance; to make no unnecessary de- 
mands on my dear and affectionate husband, 
that the desire of largely supplying my wants 
or wishes, may not be a snare to him, to make 
him engage in large schemes for riches, and 
to this I feci particularly bound by my father's 



DIARY. 167 

having been permitted to give us so small a por- 
tion of his fortune, compelled to what he had de- 
clared to be his intention, and on the strength of 
•which I lived less frugally in the first years after 
my marriage than I should have done; but who, 

Lord! is sufficient for these things; not I, 
a poor, weak, wretched creature, whose daily- 
experience is an experience of proneness to 
folly and backsliding. At thy feet, therefore, 
Oh my crucified Savior! do I fall. Wash me 
in thy precious blood. Graciously grant me 
the pardon of my past sins, and send into my 
heart the Holy Ghost, the sanctifier, that those 
things for which I have no power, may, 
through help obtained from Heaven, be per- 
formed in me and by me. 

Sunday^ January 3d, 1796. Let me not re- 
ceive especial favor of the Lord and fail, as I 
have too often done, to record it. My God 
gave me on this day such manifestations of his 
^race, his power, his all sufficiency, as ought 
never to be forgotten. Exercised with inward 
conflicts and with sorrow of heart, under which 

1 have groaned for near eleven months past^ and 
which from fiome peculiar circumstance have 
exceeded in kind and continuance, ^^11 the 
other sorrows of my life, without any allevia- 
tion in outward appearance, I drew near to 



108 DIARY. 

that God, who lias supported me from sinkings 
altogether, and from time to time has granted 
me such refreshments of grace as have kept 
me from utterly fainting under the pressure 
of this affliction, so grievous, so complicated, 
so inexplicable to any but him unto whom I 
have daily poured forth my complaint; yea, and 
sought him also, in the night season. Some 
additional causes of sorrow had happened to 
me within the last week, which had been also 
eauscs of driving me nearer to my only helper 
and comforter, though with much admixture 
of sin and unbelief on my part. I had been 
seeking of God, the directions of his provi- 
dence, and the teachings of his good Spirit with 
deep humiliation and with earnest desire 
through the whole week; with fervent suppli- 
cation, again making known unto him the re- 
quests which I have- so long and so often pre- 
sented unto him; yet with my whole soul de- 
siring also subniission to his will in whatever 
way it should declare itself. On the Sabbath 
morning, my soul panted after God; and after 
conformity to him with inexpressible desire; 
and thus I went to the sanctuary, and there 
Jesus made himself indeed known unto me in 
the breaking of bread, and in such manifesta- 
tions of his presence as I rejoice in liaving ex- 



DIARY. 169 

perienced; but I cannot describe them in any 
suitable mannerj nevertheless I -vvill record 
them to the glory of God*s grace, and as me- 
morials against my heart, should it ever be so 
treacherous as to forget them. Having pour- 
ed forth my soul unto God, and besought him 
that he would either give me the desire of my 
heart, or bow my will entirely to his willj 
granting that I might in very deed and in very 
truth be the Lord's, whatever should be deni- 
ed me. I felt such an annihilation of self, such 
a swallowing up of my will in the will of God, 
that my soul lay, as it were, prostrate at the 
foot of the cross. It lay meekly and sweetly 
at the feet of Jesus, saying, Lord! not my will 
but thine be done. Lord, let thy will be done 
in me, and by mc, and upon me. This I know 
I have often said, and said sincerely; but then 
I have said it painfully and with conflict; but 
now, I said it with inexpressible sweetness of 
acquiescence, cheerfully giving up all to God, 
though in that all was comprehended, that for 
which I had been praying for many months, 
and believed myself pj'aying according to the 
divine mind, on account of the very great 
drawings out of my heart to pray in the way^ 
I did, and which I could only account for asr 
coming from God. Now thought I, what is 
15 



170 DIARY. 

the Lord about to do; he is either preparing 
me for an answer to prayer, or by some rough, 
though right way, to draw me nearer to him- 
self. As yet in every respect I walk in dark- 
ness, not knowing what the will of the Lord 
is, excepting this, that I am assured of his 
loving kindness fj-oni the communion v/hich I 
have had with him and with his Son Jesus. I 
felt in this way all the Sunday, and all the Mon- 
day; on Monday evening, tlirough Monday 
night, and on Tuesday morning, I felt the 
same resignation, yet with some degree of 
trembling, from something which had happen- 
ed, expecting very soon to be called to the 
trial, which I had so long dreaded; but on 
Tuesday the will of God was in some degree 
manifested to me, and I received such assur- 
ance about the affair which has so long per- 
plexed and bowed me down, that I could hard- 
ly believe what I heard; and now God, who 
has doriC so much for me, will not leave his 
work unfinished. No^ I believe that the Al- 
mighty God, who has so far answered prayer, 
will perform for me the whole desire of my 
heart. Oh may I not forfeit the continuance 
of his mercies, by forgetting this season of his 
loving kindness; but may I feel my heart 
more strongly drawn than ever to the Lord; 



DIARY. 171 

may I remember the vows I have made to him 
in the days of my sorrow; lament my mercy 
deferring sins, and walk in holiness before him 
all the days of my life. 

June 19th, 1796. Dr. Keith's text. Psalm 
xlvi, 8. "Come, behold the works of the 
Lord. What desolations he hath made in the 
earth." 

Dr. Hollinshead's text. Luke xiii, 2, and 3. 
"Suppose ye, that these Galileans were sinners 
above all the Galileans, because they suffered 
such things? I tell you, nay; but, except ye re- 
pent, ye shall all likewise perish," 

Both these sermons were on occasion of the 
melancholy events of the last week; a great 
fire, and both most excellently calculated to 
do good. Dr. HoUinshead was in a most par- 
ticular manner serious, pathetic, and animat- 
ed. May God bless the pious labors of our 
good ministers, and their constant attention to 
seize every opportunity, when the hearts of 
their hearers are most likely to be impressible, 
to do the work of the Lord, and preach his 
word with fidelity and zeal. 

Ju^ust 2o^. Eleanor and myself taken with 
the fever. I had it moderately, but our dear 
Eleanor was like to die; she was brought low, 
indeed, and our hearts were filled with anguish 



17.^ DIARY. 

on her account; but it pleased God to give effi» 
cacy to the means used for her recovery; a 
fourth bleeding, more copious than three pre- 
ceding ones, seemed to relieve some of the 
most distressing and alarming symptoms she 
labored under. I did ^not hide her danger 
from her, and have since repeatedly urged to 
her the propriety of devoting to God the life 
which he redeemed from the grave. Gracious 
God, enable me not only to teach her, but also 
fo walk unblameably before her, that my pre- 
cepts and example may be in unison; and may 
she and all our dear children be the Lord's in 
deed and in truth. 

Sefitember 13th. At five in the morning, 
Mrs. Keith died; she was a very good woman; 
lived a religious life; and, as far as the violence 
of her disorder would permit, appeared to 
bear her testimony to what she had experien- 
ced of the truths and comforts of religion to 
fclie last. 

18th. In the morning Dr. Keith preached 
to a large congregation a very excellent and 
moving sermon, from John xiv, 27. ^'Peace 
I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. 
Not as the world giveth, give I unto you* 
Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it 
be afraid." 



DIARY. 173 

January 29th, 1797. I no longer note the 
texts, because my eldest daughter does, which 
I think a good means of fixing the Scriptures 
in her memory. 

A'^ovember 29\.\\, 1797. Since the death of my 
dear little Jane, which 'happened the last day 
of July, after two months of anxiety and sus- 
pense, I have been in great weakness of body, 
and sadness of mind. During the last three 
weeks of her sickness, I was deeply exercised 
in soul. Some very especial sins and failures 
in duly, were set home on my conscience, and 
in her sickness I felt the rod due to my de- 
partures from God, and the unevenness of my 
walk. I endeavored to seek the Lord, by deep 
contrition, confession of sin, repentance, faith, 
and prayer. I sought the Lord by day, and 
spent almost every hour of the night, that I 
could spare from nursing, prostrate before him, 
taking hardly any bodily re|t. I thought if the 
life of the child should be granted me, it would 
be an evidence, that the Lord, for Christ's 
sake, had forgiven me those things, which, with 
so many tears, and with such brokenness of 
spirit, I had bewailed before him; and there 
were appearances of her recovery; but, alas, 
how vain were my hopes. My child was tak- 
en, and I was plunged into the double sorrow 
*15 



174 DIARY. 

of losing a most cherished and beloved infant, 
and of feeUng the stroke, as a hiding of the 
Lord's face, and a refusal to be entreated by so 
great a sinner. Lord! I desire to be humbled, 
and to acknowledge thy rightful sovereignty 
over me and mine; to lay my hand upon my 
mouth, and my mouth in the dust before thee, 
and to say, Righteous art thou, O Lordl in all 
thy ways, and just in all thy judgments. Any 
thing that is not Hell, is too good for me; and, 
therefore, I desire not only to submit, but to 
admire the grace that leaves me untouched in 
any part. From the death of this baby, to the 
present hour, my body has been in a state of 
great weakness; and with regard to the soul, 
I have walked in darkness. My will is brought 
into humble submission to the divine will, but 
I have had none of those sensible manifesta- 
tions of the divine presence and consolations 
of the Spirit, which, at some seasons of afflic- 
tion, have enabled me, not only to bow before 
the Lord, but even to rejoice in tribulation. 
Other trials, of a temporal nature, I have also 
undergone at this time, and even now many 
things seem to be going against me; yet J 
would endeavor to hope in the Lord, and to 
stay myself upon the rock of Israel. Make me, 
O Lord! a true saint, that I may fly with copfi* 



DIARY. 175 

drence to the refuge of thy saints. Hold thou 
up my goings, that my feet may not slip, and 
hide me under the shadow of thy wings till 
these calamities be overpast. I desire, O Lordl 
to devote myself to thee, to beseech thee to be 
my covenant God and Father in Christ. Ena- 
ble me, O my God! to walk as under the bonds 
of the covenant, and in all times of trouble and 
sorrow to take hold of covenant consolations, 
and to remember that all shall work for good to 
those who trust in thee. Help me to look 
back to past experiences; to call to mind thy 
former answers to prayer; and to fust that 
thou, who hast helped me hitherto, wilt not 
now forsake me. Support me under the late 
denials of answer to prayer. Show me any 
unrepented sin; discover to me any indulged 
or hidden iniquity, which may have provoked 
thee to hide thy face from me; and give me 
that true repentance, which consisteth, not on- 
ly in confessing, but in forsaking sin. Lordi 
thou knowest my present wants and necessi- 
ties; the burdens of my spirit, and every inward 
grief. I desire to be careful for nothing, but 
jn every thing by prayer and supplication to 
make known my requests unto thee. Grant, 
or refuse what I imagine I want, as thou, O 
Lord, shall sec fitj only grant that, at all times 



176 DIARY. 

and in all seasons, I may walk as becometh a 
true christian. O thou merciful High Priest, 
who art touched with a tender compassion for 
our infirmities; thou who makest intercession 
without ceasing for thy redeemed ones, look 
upon me in this time of trouble. Thou 
knowest my groanings, and my sighs and tears 
are not hid from thee. Hear me from Heav- 
en, thy dwelling place, and when thou hearest, 
have mercy. Suffer, O Lordl no trial to befall 
me, from v/hich thou wilt not make .me a way 
to escape, and make me know by renewed ex- 
perience, if it be thy blessed will, that nothing 
is too hard for the Lord; that his ear is not 
heavy that it cannot hear; nor bis hand shorten- 
ed that it cannot save. Make me to dread ev- 
ery sin, which might be as a separating wall 
bctv een my God and my soul. Oh, my God, 
if it be thy will, remove the pressure under 
which I Icibor, or give me that thorough resig- 
nation of mind, which it becom.eth the crea- 
ture to exercise toward its Creator. 

Oh Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, I give my- 
self up to thee, to be, and to do, and to bear 
whatever thou shalt see fit for me during my 
journey through life. Renouncing all self 
govcrnnivnt, 1 desire to have my will swallow- 
ed up in the divine will, and to submit myself 



DIARY. 177 

jto- the rightful authority and the merciful dii^ 
posal of the majesty of Heaven, supremely de- 
siring nothing but salvation for me and mine, 
and persuaded that God will order all things 
better for me than I could for myself. Yet 
since, OhLord! thou dost not only permit but en- 
courage us to come nigh to thy throne of grace, 
and to spread our wants before thee, permit a 
poor worm*to claim this privilege, and to re- 
lieve her sorrows by pouring them out before 
thee, and beseeching the interference of thy 
niercy in her present concerns. Doth God 
care for sparrows, and will he not care for his 
people? Thou dost care, O Lord! and my 
faith and hope are in thee, that now, even 
now, O my GodI thou wilt show that, though 
for some months past,thou hast appeared to hide 
thyface from me, to reject me, and cover thyself 
as with a thick cloud, on account of my trans- 
gressions, thou wilt no longer break thy bruis- 
ed reed, but that for me, even me, most un- 
worthy, there shall be a gracious revival, « 
merciful and providential lifting up. 

Shall not the Judge of the whole earth d© 
right. O yes, he will. Shall not he, who freet* 
ly gave his own Son for us, deal kindly by his 
redeemed ones. Oh yes, he wiil. Be not, 
tlierefore, cast down, Oh, my soul, neither be 



178 



DIARY. 



thou disquieted within me, for I shall yet praise 
him, who is the I'l^ht of my countenance and 
my God; yea, I will even now praise him, for 
whether he gives or takes, he is still my God. 
and seeing the whole, while I see only in part, 
will always do better for me than I could for 
myself. 

Resolutions made at this time. 

To watch against my easily besetting sin. 

To read the word of God with more medita- 
tion. 

To lift up my heart to the Lord, whenever I 
awake in the night. 

To encourage religious conversation in the 
family on all fit ogcasions, particularly tvith my 
beloved Miss Futerell. 

To be more watchful and earnest in inward 
and ejaculatory prayer. 

To be much in prayer ^r my dear husband, 
and to endeavor, to be to him a useful as well 
as a loving wife. 

To endeavor to see the hand of God in every 
thing, and to undertake^ nothing without a de- 
pendunce on, and a seeking of his blessing. 

Not to let a spirit of indolence get the better 
of me in the education of my children; and in 
this mutter, may God miost especially help me; 
for 1 find v. nen any thing presses much on my 



DIARY. 179 

mind, I am very apt to be listless and inactive 
in the. duty which I owe them. 

February 3, '799. So far as- 1 know my own 
heart, I think I desire resignation to the divine 
will, more than I desire any earthly good. I 
have sonie temporal affairs pressing on my 
mind, and am hanging on Providence for the 
events of the two ensuing days. Yet I trust? 
that a desire to live to God, and to grow iu 
grace, are still greater anxieties with me, than 
any worldly concerns; yet the Lord, who 
knoweth our frames, and considereth of what 
we are made, and is well acquainted with our 
different temperaments and constitutions, sees 
that I am not wholly devoid of agitation; but I 
trust, he also sees that it is of that chastened 
kind, and in that degiee not inconsistent with 
sincere piety, and trust in himself. Indeed I 
hope I may even Hiy that I feel holy joy in 
God, and a thorough conviction that he will do 
all things well. Hitherto h« hath helped me, 
and he will not now forsake me. He hath 
cared for my soul, he will not be unmindful of 
my lesser concerns. He hath prepared my 
heart to pray, he will surely hear my cry. I 
am so ignorant, even of what would be good for 
me, that it is my glory to put my trust in his 
wisdom; so weak, that I rejoice in his power; 



18Q DIARY. 

so blind that I am thankful to be guided by 
him. If he chooses to grant that which I de- 
sire, to his praise shall it be recorded. If he 
withhold it, still will I joy in my God, and be 
satisfied that it is just as it should be; only, O 
Lord! while the suspense lasts, be pleased to 
•keep me from unprofitable dejections; to pre- 
serve me in an evenness of miind and cheerful- 
ness of temper, becoming a christian, and 
worthy a follower of the Lamb. Bless my very 
dear husband; point out to him the path of 
duty; make all his way plain; bring him through 
these worldly perplexities; make me a comfort 
and blessing to him and to his children, while 
my life is prolonged; and so help him in his 
diilficulties and trials, that he may say, this is 
the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our 
eyes. O Lord, I commit all to thee; thou 
knowest my groanings; tliou seest my heart; 
my trust is in thee; my case is cast upon thee. 
I will hide me under the shadow of thy wings, 
until these calamities be overpast. Thy mercy 
hath been often experienced, it will not now 
fail me. What time 1 am afraid, I will call upon 
l^hee. In God is my trust; in his hands are the 
hearts of all men. I will not then fear what 
man can do. May he enable us to be just and 
upright to all, and not permit any to oppress 
atid be hard to us». 



DIARY. 181. 

Marih 14, 1801. Oh, my God, I desire this 
day, not only solemnly to renew my covenant 
with thee, that covenant which has so long 
been all my salvation and all my desire; but 
also to open my heart to those consolations 
which it affords, and particularly at this time, 
as having all my concerns for time and for 
eternity in thine hands; and to look up to thee 
for that direction which my circumstances re- 
quire, and which none but thou canst suitably 
give. As it is a time of perplexity and diffi- 
culty with me, let it be also a time of faith and 
prayer. Known unto thee, O God! are all my 
ways, and unto thee do I commit them. Let 
thy Providence protect me; let thy good Spirit 
guide tne, that in the issue of these events, I 
may sec cause to admire thy grace and good- 
ness, and to add another Ebenezer to my past 
sweet experiences of thy fatherly care and 
overruling wisdom; and to chide my heart, that 
it should ever, for a moment, doubt thy compas- 
sions, or despond under thy merciful chastise- 
ments. Bless, O bless my dear husband; give 
him the light and direction which he needs; be 
thou his strong tower of defence in every time 
of trouble; enable me to be a comfort to him, 
during our joint pilgrimage on earth, and give 
us finally to be made partakers of those eternal 
16 



182 DIARV. 

joys, in the hopes of w^hich our light and mo- 
mentary afflictions, by thy supporting grace, 
may be calmly and steadily borne, so long as 
thou shalt see meet to continue them. O Lord, 
who givest liberally to those who ask, and that 
without upbraiding, give us the wisdom, pru- 
dence, and discretion so especially necessary 
to us in our present affairs. Help thou us, and 
so shall we be helped; leave us not, neither 
forsake us, for in thee is our trust. 

March 5, 1802. On looking into this book, 
I see it is near a twelvemonth since I have 
noted in writing, any of the Lord's dealings 
with me; yet surely my heart, with grateful re- 
membrance, looks back on many trials gone 
through; on many mercies received. In all 
the perplexities of our situation, how good has 
God been, not only to hold our souls in life, 
but to give the enjoyment of vigorous health 
to my dear husband and family, that we have 
neither had the additional expenses nor the ad- 
ditional anxieties of sickness to our other cares, 
and in the midst of cares, how graciously 
have I been supported and assisted. In times 
of greatest need, how has God helpedl He has 
first, by his grace, helped me to a contented 
and cheerful mind, and then by his providence 
Y» onderfully supplied my returning wants. 



DIARY. 183 

When I have hardly known how to turn under 
outward pressure and diificuity, and when all 
human refuge seemed to fail me, the Lord has 
shewn that he cared for me, and enabled me to 
pour forth tears of thanksgiving^, after my tears 
of supplication. Nor will he now leave and 
forsake me. My faith and hope in him, are 
grounded on his own precious words of prom- 
ise, and my sweet and long experience of their 
truth. My God has not taken care of me so 
long to leave me to perish at last, either by my 
own folly, or by the hands of others. He will 
humble, because it is for our good; but in due 
time, he will lift me up again. Yesterday X 
was full of thought and care. No provisions in 
the house; sundry little domestic debts of ab- 
solute necessity to be paid. My dear friend 
and husband full of business in the way of his 
profession, but no money eomino- in I was 
reading the Bible; my mind v/andered to the 
state of my finances; and I thought with my 
house full of dear children, what am I to do; I 
answered to myself, put your trust in God, try 
to make out, by some exertion of your own, 
without perplexing your dear husband; and 
even if some sharp pinching should be be- 
fore you, be satisfied to bear it; it will be for 
tlie good of your soul. What do you read your 



184 DIAHV. 

Bible for, but to fetch from it instruction and 
consolation, suited to all your circumstances* 
Presently my husband called me and gave 
me a sum more than sufficient for the immedi- 
ate wants of the day, and the payment of those 
domestic debts, which lay heavy on my mind; 
saying, at the same time, "this money has come 
from a most unexpected quarter; indeed from 
a man who had even said he would not pay, 
and now at this early hour of the morning; 
when I was not thinking of it, he has brought 
this money." And now let an infidel call this 
a lucky chance, if, when he had no money to 
provide for a large family, an unexpected sup- 
ply should cbme to his hands; but let me fall 
down and worship before the Lord, and say. Oh 
thou'l that hearest and unswerest prayer, unto 
thee, in every necessity of soul and body, will I 
come. This is but one instance of manifold 
interventions of Providence which 1 have ex- 
perienced, and which, although, not written 
down in books, are deeply engraven on my 
heart, and treasured up in my memory; and. 
Oh thou, who hast been pleased to provide 
necessary food for my family, vouchsafe also, 
to feed oar souls with the bread of life. I trust 
to sit dov.n tomorrow at thy table. Oh give the 
meat which endureth unto everlasting life; 



DIARY. 185 

enable me to feed by faith in my heart on the 
precious body and blood of my dear Redeemer) 
the purchaser of every mercy, spiritual and 
temporal. Be also with my dear husband, on 
this sweet and solemn occasion; be with my 
dear Miss Futerell; and, although absent in 
body, may she have spiritual communion with 
her dear Savior, and with his people. Be with 
my dear children, dispose their young hearts 
to receive divine truth, and may they, by thy 
restraining providence, and by an early conver- 
sion, be saved from youthful follies, and made 
pillars in the temple of our God, 

June 1, 1803. Some sore disappointments 
have happened to us in temporal matters within 
a fortnight past, and from quarters most unex- 
pected, especially by my dear husband; but 
what then; is the Lord's hand at all shortened, 
that it cannot save, or his ear heavy, that it can- 
not hear? Oh no. Be pleased, Oh our gracious 
God! to keep us from separating sins, and to 
enable us, by humble prayer and faith, to make 
our supplications known unto thee; and then, 
though every door on earth should appear to 
be shut, thou wilt open the very windows of 
Heaven in our behalf, and pour dov/n blessings 
in such measure and manner on us, as shall be 
•most for our good and thy glory. Lord, thou 
*10 



186 DIARY. 

knowest how mournfully I am now sitting be- 
fore thee; but O! let not earthly anxieties eat 
ont the heart of spiritual duties; let not my 
poor soul starve, but feed me with the bread of 
life, however pinched, however perplexed, 
however hedged up and uneasy my ways may 
be in other matters. Oh my Heavenly Father! 
my* past experience teaches me to rely on 
thee. Thou wilt clear up this darkness, thou 
■wilt dissipate this piovidential cloud, and ena- 
ble me to say again, the Lord hath helped me* 
Oh, give me resignation and humility to wait 
thy time, and be satisfied with thy way. Oh 
help to maintain a cheerful ccnversation be- 
fore my dear husband, that I may be a help 
and no hinderance to him. 

Lord, hear and help thy poor afflicted, bowed 
down and tempest tost servant, and make all 
these things work for good to my poor soul. 

June 5, 1803. Lord, how shall I praise thee; 
wherewithal shall I come before God, the God 
of my mercies. My soul is filled with thank- 
fulness, and my mouth v;ith praise. Oh now 
let my life be holiness, and let me remember 
the vows of the Lord, which are upon me in 
the day; when I cried unto thee, thou heardest 
me, and strengthenedst me with strength in my 
soul. When my spirit was bowed down under 



DIARY. 187 

the pressure of worldly affliction, thou hast 
supported me, thou hast enabled me to cast 
all my care on thee, and thou hast relieved 
that care; in the hour of extremity thou 
hast appeared for us, and when our way seem- 
ed hedged up with difficulties, thou hast mani- 
fested thy gracious Providence, and made us 
to receive, as an especial answer to prayer, 
what, under other circumstances, our thought- 
less hearts might have received as an occur- 
rence in the common course of things. Let 
this favor never be obliterated from my heart; 
let me record it to thy glory and my comfort; 
and when I look back on my last writing, and 
on this let me feel; truly God is good to Israel, 
and Jet me most earnestly dosire to be upright 
in heart. Lord, go on to help us; to help my 
dear husband. Have we not only received 
earthly good at thy hands, but have our souls 
also, been fed with the bread of life, and our 
hearts made joyful wdth the cup of salvation. 
Oh that in the strength of such provision, we 
may go on our way with diligence, and alac- 
rity; and seek to grow in grace, and to have 
our conversation as becometh the gospel of 
Christ. 

Se/ite77jder 15^ 1805. Pressed by care, sur- 
rounded by difficulties, and in sore perplexity 



188 



DIARY. 



from some domestic circumstances, I come to 
thee, O my God, who hast commanded us to 
cast all our care on thee, and to draw nigh to 
thee in every time of trial- To thee, O my 
Heavenly Father! have I long since devoted 
myself, and I now desire to renew the dedica- 
tion. To call thee my Father and to be sub- 
missive; to call Christ my Savior, and trust in 
his mercy; the Holy Spirit my comforter, and 
to rejoice in his consolations. Lord, thou 
knowest all my desire, and my groaning is not 
hid from thee. Oh let my sorrowful sighing 
come before thee, and hear thou the prayer of 
the afflicted. In every event, O Lord, make 
me to remember that I have sworn, and that I 
cannot go back, and that having chosen the 
Lord for my portion, and desired him above 
earthly good, I must be satisfied with all that 
he appoints, and never murmur at what his will 
permits. Only, Lord, do thou be pleased to 
bear me up, for I have no strength to be re- 
signed, except thou give it me; therefore, I 
jook up unto thee for that calmness and sub- 
mission, which I desire to feel under every try- 
ing circumstance. Dark as my situation now 
seems, thou hast but to say, "Let there be 
light," and there shall be light. Since it was 
not beneath thy condescension to create me, tt^ 



DIARY. 189 

save me, and hitherto to preserve me, it will 
not be beneath thy condescension, now to help 
me according to my necessities; thou wilt 
either send relief, or give grace to bear. Oh, 
give me humility to suffer what thou shalt ap- 
point, and wisdom to know how to act accord- 
ing to the necessity of my situation. Let thy 
Spirit teach me; let thy Providence assist me> 
make me to know the path of duty, and dili- 
gently to walk in it; suffer mc not to grope 
about in darkness, nor to be a prey to the rest' 
lessness of my own spirit; but give me some 
gracious directions to point out to me the right 
way of duty, and of safety. Oh Lord, help me, 
for I am very weak; and my only hope and 
trust is in thee. 

J\rovember 1, 1805. "fie still and know that 
I am God." I desire, O LordI to be still, and to 
know that thou art God; so to know it as to be 
quiet before thee, and even to preserve a holy 
cheerfulness, seeing the same word which pro- 
claims thy sovereignty, and commands our sub- 
mission, says also, "God is our refuge and 
strength, a very present help in troul)le;'* and 
surely I have often found thee so; and now al- 
though my worldly concerns be not so as na- 
ture could desire, and every outward aspect 
is gloomy and cheerless; yet let this be all my 



190 DtARY. 

salvation, all my desire, all my comfort, that 
there is a covenant well ordered, and sure; the 
God of the covenant an unchanging God, I 
therefore come, and bring my burdens to the 
foot of the cross. He who died for me, will never 
Jekve nor forsake me; and in every event will 
order matters so as shall be best for my soul's 
salvation, which is always the greatest concern. 
In temporal things, what time I am afraid, I 
will trust in him; I will make known to him 
by prayer and supplication, my requests, with 
thanksgiving for past mercies, and a holy confi- 
dence for what is to come. I am now prepar- 
ing to draw near to his holy table m a few days. 
Let not earth keep out hcc.ven; let not spiritual 
duties be cramped or spiritual joys hindered 
by anxious cares for this world. F^-d by the 
bread of life, let me be strong to run my race 
ofdutyjor of suffering; and drinkiui^ of the 
Tvine of heavenly consolation, let my sorrowful 
spirit be comforted, and all my concer.is be 
trusted with him, to whom with joy and confi- 
dence I have trusted my soul. The Lord can 
clear the darkest skies; nothing is too hard for 
Omnipotence. Perplexed as my dear husband's 
affairs seem; humble and painful as seem my 
Own; let the Lord but speak, and he shall be 
Melieved; let him but order and I shall be sue- 



DIARY. 191 

cored. Do I know God to be so able, do I 
trust in him as my God; and shall I not be sat- 
isfied that his will will concur with his power, 
if it be right for us. I desire to be so. Par- 
don, O Lord! my sinful reluctances to bear 
the cross; and whenever my spirit is disposed 
to rebel, or murmur, give me such a view of 
my Hell deserving sins as shall keep me very 
humble, and strike me into a holy silence be- 
fore thee. Lord, I leave my wants and my de- 
sires with thee, and in my present great trials 
more cut off from outward comfort than I have 
ever been before, I desire to draw the nearer 
to thee, the all sufficient God. 

J^ovember '2^ 1805. "For I will remember 
mine iniquity, I will be sorry for my sin.*' For- 
sake me not, O Lord, my God, be not far from 
me; "give ear unto my cry, and hold not thy 
peace at my tears.** Our worldly affairs are 
very much perplexed. My dear husband is 
pressed by creditors and disappointed by debt- 
ors. All these*things pressing upon feelings, 
naturally irritable, and meeting with a consti- 
tution much enfeebled, make it very necessa- 
ry, and very comfortable for me to draw near 
to God, the friend of the friendless, the hearer 
of prayer, the helper of the distressed. I de- 
sire at this time to draw near to^him in a peni- 



192 -DIARY. 

tential confession of sin, and to have sin brought 
to my remembrance. This I hope will be one 
means of mitigating suffering; for now, Lordj 
after all that is come upon me, "this is less 
than my iniquities deserve;" will keep down 
repining, and especially by considering that 
these chastisements may be the very means by 
which my Heavenly Father sees fit to keep me 
in "the right way." Lord, I call upon thee for 
help in my outward trials; but I desire earnest- 
ly, to seek deliverance from sin. Lord, help 
me to provide for my children, help me to 
teach them the way of salvation, and give them 
grace to seek it for themselves, and to devote 
themselves to God in early life. If thou per- 
mit me. Lord, to draw near to thy holy table 
tomorrow, I will carry with me my outward 
burdens, sorrows, and wants; I will cast them 
at thy feet. I will pray thee to support me un- 
der them; to give me some suitable and con- 
venient relief from them, and say, "thou who 
feedest me with thy flesh, and cheersst me 
with the wine of the covenant, wilt not refuse 
for me, and my household, what shall be need- 
ful for us." I will also carry the heavy load 
of my sins; I will say, here Lord, is the cause 
of my sorrow, here was the cause of thy suffer- 
ing. Oh thou, who hast carried our sorrows. 



DIARY. 193 

and borne our iniquities, deliver me from this 
burden. Pardon the follies of my youth; the sins 
of my riper years; the hourly transgressions of 
my life. Let me never complain of the bur- 
den of suffering, while I remember my multi- 
plied iniquities, but rather wonder at the 
Lord's grace, and long suffering, and admire 
his goodness, who by the chastisement of his 
love is driving me to Heaven, when by the 
strokes of his wrath, he might long since have 
driven me to Hell. 

November 24. I have been endeavoring, for 
some time past, to walk in penitential humility 
before God; and as it is a day of adversity with 
me to make a suitable improvement of it, by 
making it also a time to consider. Blessed be 
God, that it has been with me a good lime; a 
time in which I have found it good for me to 
draw near to my God by contrition; for I trust 
lie hath drawn near to me in a way of mercy; 
supported me in outward trials; and given me 
strong desires after holiness. He hath also 
shown me providential favors, and from day to 
day supplied our returning v/ants, and smooth- 
ed some of my outward difficulties. My soul 
desires to praise him for the past; to be satis- 
fied for the present; and to trust him for the fu- 
ture. He will not leave me nor forsake me. 
17 



194 DIARY. 

I am filled with self reproach, that having God 
for my Father, I should ever give way to 
gloomy apprehensions. Lord, I commit all to 
thee; thou knowest my spiritual necessities; 
thou knowest my outward pressures. I desire 
to be still, and trust in thee my ever present 
help in time of need; and with myself I com- 
mit to thee, at this time, those for whom I am 
particularly interested. Help my dear hus- 
band. Bless my dear children , present and ab- 
sent, and others whom I desire now particular- 
ly to intercede for. Bless our ministers, and 
reward them for their faithful labors. May 
Dr. Keith enjoy the consolations with which 
he endeavored to comfort mourners on the 
past sabbath. Help me at all times to trust 
in thee, and all timss to praise thee; and help 
me every day to do the business of the day, ac- 
cording to my best ability; and supply me by 
thy mercy with that meusurc of knowledge, 
improvement, and strength, which may enable 
me to do my duty in that state of life, to which 
thou art pleased to call me. 

25th. Lord, whatever else I want, let me not 
want the joy of thy salvation; if it be thy blessed 
will. Jet not my spiritual sky be darkened, but 
favor me with the light of thy countenance. 
Under much outward trial, I have lived happi- 



DIARY. 195 

ly, and walked cheerfully, because thy face did 
shine upon me; but 1 feel now under some 
spiritual dejection, some inward darkness. 
Oh my Father! if it be only for trial, and to 
teach me my dependauce upon thee, I desire 
to submit, and to rejoice in the very hidings of 
thy face; if they keep me humble and train me 
up for glory; but I am afraid of sin. Search 
me, O Lord! and try me, and enable me to try 
myself, and to see if there be any allowed evil 
way in me that, I may resist it, and lead thou 
me in the way everlasting. Let no unrepent- 
ed guilt; no cherished ^niquity; no neglected 
duty cause thee to hide thy face from me, or 
separate between my God and me. Oh, Lord! 
I cannot do without t/iee^ thou hast called me 
to do without many that I loved. I have en- 
deavored to bow the head and bend the heart, 
and as the streams failed me, to drink deeper 
of the fountain. Great has been the trial, great 
the effort; but I have leaned upon my God. I 
have supported myself against his cross, who 
for my sake was a man of sorrows, and acquaint- 
ed with grief. Strengthened by him I have 
borne my griefs, and without flagging, done 
the duties of my station; but if I have not the 
light of God's countenance, woe is me, I am 
undone. Lord, I cannot do without thee. I 



196 DIARY. 

would not do without thee. O have mercy 
upon me, and whatever else thou withholdest, 
withhold not thyself. Pardon my sins, and 
give me grace against them. Be my God, 
and the God of mine. Bless my dear husband, 
and our dear children. 

None of them that trust in thee shall be des- 
olate. Is this so; why then are my hopes faint, 
and my spirit cast down within me? Father and 
mother hast thou taken from me; the grav6 
covers the most of those with whom I kept up 
much intimacy; and various providences have 
changed the hearts of some who yet remain. 
The conflict with affliction is great; my hus. 
band is under trials and straits, which make my 
heart ache for him, and for myself, as tenderly 
feeling and sharing in all his griefs. My chil- 
dren, though in many respects, sources of great 
delight to me, cause me also much anxiety for 
their souls, and for their future temporal wel- 
fare. The Lord hath said by his experienced 
servant, "none of them that trust in thee, shall 
be desolate." Surely, Lord, I trust in thee, 
for soul and for body, for time and for eternity. 
Let me not then be desolate. Save me from 
all sinful anguish of spirit, and leave me not 
desolate. Thou wilt do all that is good for 
my soul. Oh let me be satisfied with whatev- 



DIARY. 197 

6r happens to the body; it is at present a pain- 
ed body, the companion of an anxious mind; 
yetj Oh my God, I desire to say most sincerely, 
not my will, but thine be done. I trust in tliee; 
O leave me not desolate. Help me to remem-» 
ber the days that are past, in which thou hast 
been my helper; and therefore still to shelter 
myself under the shadow of thy wings. Sup- 
port my drooping mind. Chase away sinful 
anxieties. Oh leave me not desolate, for re- 
nouncing all other hopes, and all other helps, I 
desire to trust alone in thee, who hast ten 
thousand ways by which thou canst send help; 
and with regard to troubled thoughts, hast but 
to say, peace, and they shall be still in every 
event, however painful to nature. Lord, thou 
knowest all my desire, and my groaning is not 
hid from thee. If this desire, and these groan- 
ingsare for thiiigs' which may.^be profitable for 
myself, and the persons concerned. Oh, for 
Christ's sake grant them; but as I am weak, 
and sinful, and erring, let me cry for nothing 
importunately but salvation. Salvation for my- 
self and for those who are near and dear to me 
as my own soul; and O Lord! let the joys 
and the hopes of this salvation, keep thy poor 
servant from being desolate. 
*i7 



198 DIARV. 

May J 1806. "Lord, teach us to pray; and 
when the Lord teaches us to pray, what a de- 
lightful and holy employment is it? How is the 
soul supported, strengthened, comforted by thus 
drawing nii^h to God, with a prepared heart. 
Teach us, Lord, to pray; by thy grace, this shall 
be the prayer of faith. Teach us to pray by 
thy providences; this shall be the prayer of 
humble dependance on God, and quiet submis- 
sion to all his appointments. When troubles 
assail us, this is the time to pray; for God has 
promised to answer those who call upon him 
in the time of trouble. Teach me then. Lord* 
to pray without ceasing, in the house, and by 
the way, at times of leisure, and in the midst of 
business; and having my heart softened, com- 
forted, and quieted, by often drawing nigh to 
thee; in the midst of adverse circumstances, 
inward conflicts, and outward trials, may my 
soul still find its happiness in thee, and nev- 
er yield to unchristian dejection or complain- 
ing. 

"Ye are the lights of the world." If this is 
said of Christ's disciples in general, how de- 
fectively must they walk, who are not at least 
the light of their own families. Oh my God, 
give mc grace so to walk before mine as to 
bring no reproach, on the gospel, which I pro- 



DIARY. 199 

fcss. Let my dear husband find in me a chris- 
tian friend; my children, a faitliful instructor, 
reprover, and guide; and all of my household, 
"while they witness my imperfections, witness 
also my faith, my hope, my sincerity, my de- 
sire and endeavor to walk uprightly. 

Tuesday. Oh, thou who givest songs in the 
night be pleased in the midst of gloomy feai s^ 
and providences of distressing aspect, to give 
me a holy cheerfulness in thee, and the assur- 
ance of faith, that after thus long helping, thou 
M'ilt not now leave me. Salvation is of the 
Lord; the salvation of the soul, and the neces- 
sary supports for the body; my trust then shall 
be in the Lord for both. Fulness of grace is 
"With Christ, for the poor soul; and for the 
suppliesof the temporallife, the earth is the 
Lord's and the fulness thereof. Suffer me 
not, therefore, O! ray God, to despair or hard- 
ly to doubt while there is liberty of access to 
the fountain of all sufficiency; a fountain from 
which my soul has often been refreshed with 
liberal streams, and my bodily necessities sup- 
plied in surprising times and ways. Oh, that 
these remembrances and a firm trust in God 
iv.ight keep me calm and submissive under the 
troubles which now assail me. Oh that the 
liiOLights of death, which, from the many ^'-arA- 



200 DIARY. 

ings I receive, ought to be always present with 
me, might so engage my attention and desire 
to gird up my loins and to trim my lamp as to 
serve as a counterbalance to the anxieties 
■which possess my soul; yet in some respects I 
ought to be anxious, seeing the cause of my 
anxiety is not so much for myself, as for those 
connected with me; but then I would have this 
anxiety, instead of drinking up my spirits, 
keep me near to God in prayer, for his help, to 
enable me to help them and to do every day 
with diligence the duty of the day. My heav- 
enly Father, my Father in Christ, I cast myself 
on thee, and now that I am afraid, I call upon 
the^. 

"And be ye not of doubtful mind." These 
are the very words of Christ himself, and in- 
clude, I think, both a command and promise. 
Lord give me grace to observe it as a command, 
and to rejoice in it as a promise; for in the 
keeping of thy commandments there is great 
reward, and thy precious promises are the sure 
support of mourning souls. In what trouble 
hast thou ever failed mc? Creature comforts, 
earthly dependencies, have failed n^e; but thou 
hast ever been tome tlie faithful God: the help- 
er of the helpless; my refuge in every new 
distress. • Multiplied have been my distresses 



DIARY. 201 

for some years past, and with much ado have I 
labored not so to give up under the pressure of 
affliction as to be a dead weight to my husband, 
and useless to my children. Great has been 
God*s mercy to enable me to struggle without 
repining, and with a heavy load at heart to pre- 
serve a cheerful countenance, and live an active 
life; now my troubles seem heavier upon me 
than usual, my heart more sick, my bodily 
strength more impaired, and now it is that I 
desire not to be of doubtful mind. How many 
times has the Lord helped in days of great dis- 
tress, and is his hand at all shortened; is his 
power lessened, is he not the same yesterday, 
to day, and for ever? Be still, then, my soul, and 
banish doubt and unbelief. I am a poor chang- 
ing creature; often returning to sin and folly, 
often declining from the steady path of holi- 
ness, and often from the sure and comfortable 
path of quiet waiting upon God; but he is the 
Lord, and changeth not; he abideth faithful and 
cannot deny himself. My trust is in his mer- 
cy, not in my deservings. Therefore with all 
the burden of my care I cast myself on him, 
with all the perturbations of a mind open to his 
all seeing eye. I bow at his mercy seat, and 
humbly trust that making known to him all 
my wants by prayer and supplication, not for- 



202 DIARY. 

getting thanksgiving for support under past 
sufferings and resignation under present trial. 
The Lord will provide, not for me alone, but 
for those nearer and dearer to me than myself. 
Lord, be with my dear husband and children. 
Known unto thee are their respective tempers 
and necessities. Send mercy suited to each. 
More especially may thy converting grace be 
with the children, and whatever else awaits 
them, in this vale of tears, let their souls live 
before thee. 

Is any thing too hard for the Lord? No; thert 
if I am not helped in my present emei\gency, 
not the Lord's power, but his will will be the 
cause that I am not. Be still then, my soul; 
be still. He is God Almighty; and his will 
shall concur with his power, if it be for thy 
good. Lord, I am tempest tossed, agitated, 
turmoiled, hardly able to bear up under the 
heavy load of expected trial, nor could 1 in my 
own strength. I therefore turn to thee my 
God and Savior, and earnestly crave t'ny help. 
Support my mind during the anxieties of sus- 
pense, and fit me for which soever way thy will 
shall be pleased to manifest itself. The unbe- 
lieving lord said "If the Lord would make 
windows in heaven might this thing be." But 
I know, O Lord, that if^ thou wilt but sp^ak 



BiARr. 203 

it shall be done, and this trial shall pass from 
me All hearts are in thy hand; the heavens 
above and the earth beneath al'e thine. ThoU 
hast many ways more than we can imag-incj 
by which relief may come; and I desire to have 
faith in God, and to trust in his providence, to 
appear for me, in this time of great perplexity 
and painful anxiety; but I desire, O Lord, also 
to be submissive, and to bear the trial, if it 
must come, like a christian, and to do all I can 
to soften it to those about me by my gentleness, 
my cheerfulness, and my humility. Yet the 
Lord not only does not forbid, but he allows 
us to call upon him in the time of trouble; 
now, then, O Lord, I lift up my eyes, and I 
stretch out my hands unto thee. Open some 
door of hope, some door of relief. In this our 
time of great necessity, exercise thy forbear- 
ance and thy compassion; and although in all 
that v/e feel, and ail that we fear, thou dost 
punish us less than our iniquities deserve, add 
this, O Lord, to thy many manifestations for us 
in times of difficulty, that the rod which hangs 
over our head, may by thine interposing provi- 
dence, be removed. Oh, for christian com- 
posure; O, for a childlike submission, a calm 
and humble frame, or that, at least, inward 
corifiict may not unfit me for outward duty. 



.204 DIARY. 

Lord, I leave all with thee, and that in the 
name of Christ, the only way to the Father, and 
the only medium of mercy, whether spiritual 
or temporal. 

May 4) 1806. The providential mercy of God 
did again interpose for us, and the servants 
whom we feared to lose, and who feared to 
lose us, are still in our possession, and under 
circumstances which give us reason to hope 
that they will still continue in our service, and 
in their comfortable situations. 

JVovember. '^I will sing unto the Lord a nevr 
song for he hath done wonderful things for 
me." Yesterday was a day of peculiar weak- 
ness of body with me, and my mind was also 
much affected. I attended the funeral of Mrs. 
Nowell, in whom I had considerable interest; 
saw my old friend, Mrs. Brailsford, in consid- 
erable suffering, and had a meeting with Mrs, 
Joseph Ramsay, for the fijst time, since the 
death of her two daughters. 

On the evening of this day, December 21, 
1806,1 also received a mercy, an answer of 
prayer, almost next to miraculous, a sum of 
money exactly suited to a particular engage- 
ment I had entered into for the first of January, 
with more of trust in the Lord than of outward 
certainty about it. This sum of money coming 



DIARY. 205 

to me so unexpectedly, with regard to the 
quarter from whence I received it, overcame 
me perhaps even more than some afflictive cir- 
cumstances have done; for I felt as if I had 
no strength remaining in me, and as if I should 
faint and die from the mingled emotions of 
surprise, gratitude, and awe. Oh, let the Lord's 
name be praised, and let all that is within me 
bless his holy name. I have waited on the 
Lord, by humiliation, by fasting, by prayer, and 
let this instance of his goodness, added to 
so many others, encourage me still to wait up- 
on him. I am in great perplexity, in many 
respects, and in many respects a woman of a 
sorrowful spirit; but I will cast my burden on 
the Lord, and trust that he will help and direct 
me in all my way; and particularly assist me 
and give me the leadings of his providence, 
and the teachings of his Spirit, in what lies be^ 
fore me. 

June 2, 1808. My dear husband, who is cer- 
tainly a true believer, and a great noter of 
Providence, having received two dollars from 
a casual patient, said to me, "here are two dol- 
lars which I have just got by chance." I said, 
thank ye; but don't, at this time, when we are 
in such want of money, say that any comes by 
chance. He smiled with his usual Idndness,^ 
18 



205 t)lARY. 

and said, 1 only meant that I got it from a pass^ 
ing and not a stated patient. About two hours 
after he sent me up twenty dollars, just after I 
had been earnestly praying that the Lord from 
the storehouses of his mercy, would send some 
supply to my necessities and those of my fam- 
ily, which were very great, and covering the 
twenty dollars was the enclosed paper,* which 
I will keep with this note on it, to remind me 
of the great goodness of my God, and this his 
most seasonable answer to those prayers and 
supplications, which I was making before himj 
with thanksgiving for past mercies, and hum- 
ble trust in his goodness, through my dear 
Savior*s merits, for the relief of my temporal 
wants or the supplies of his grace to keep me 
quiet and humble, under losses and crosses. 
Ju?ie 20, 1808. It is of the Lord's mercies 
we are not consumed, because his compassions 
fail not. At about ten o'clock last night, while 
the wind was blowing tempestuously, from a 
threatening thunderstorm, but without rain, the 
cry of fire from our next neighbor's was given, 
and threw our whole street, but particularly 
our family into great consternation; the wind 

* The enclosed paper, covering the twenty dollars I'C- 
ferred to, contained these words; 

"Twenty dollars, not sent by chance, but by God. A a 
unexpected volunteer paynaent of a doubtful old debt." 



DIARY. 207 

° ' our house of wood, and joined to that 
-where the fire was said to be. There was ev- 
ery thing to alarm us that there eould be in a 
matter of that nature; from the cries and tu- 
mult so near us, and nothing left to do but to 
call on the God, who has so often been our 
helper, and to make what haste we could to 
suve our linen, and most portable articles, be- 
fore the confusion and heat would become too 
great. God, who is rich in mercy, has been 
better to us than our fears, and we remain here 
sheltered from inclemencies, a collected fam- 
ily, with every thing ttbout us as it was before 
the alarm. The fire was not at Mrs. Crawley's, 
but at the adjoining tenenient,which yet is under 
the same roof with her, F oni the dry situa- 
tion of these wooden buildings, with their ap- 
purtenances, nothing but a timely discovery, 
before the fire had arisen to a great height, and 
while the neighborhood was yet up and awake, 
could, in a human point of view, have saved the 
three wooden houses, so nearly connected. 
How great then should be my gratitude, that 
where the wit and strength of man- in less 
than fifteen minutes, could have availed noth- 
ing, the mercy of our God has prevented the 
awful calamity, and allowed us to sleep in 
peace and safety, after such a threatening des; 



208 DIARY. 

ti'uction. May the recollection of this goodness, 
keep my heart quiet and submissive under 
the various cares that, at present, torment it, 
and while I am excited to labor diligently in 
my family and station, whatever anxieties as- 
sail me, may this, and the many other gracious 
providences I have experienced, silence my- 
fears, encourage my hopes, and enable me to 
go on, trusting in that God who at all times 
has cared for me, and will not now leave or 
forsake me. 



APPENDIX, No. VI. 

LETTERS FROM MRS. RAMSAY.* 

"On- Sundays I always think of you more 
earnestly than on other clays. All that re- 
gards you regards me; but what regards your 
religious concerns deeply interests me. I hope, 
my dear child, in the midst of business or 
pleasure, never forgets that she is born for 
eternity; never omit praying to God; and if you 
would live safely or happily, never content 
yourself with the devotions of the morning or 
evening; but often, in the course of the day> 
send up the prayer of the heart to God. This 
may be done in company; in business; in the 
midst of innocent pleasure; and is a delightful 
exercise of the heart, and a great guard on the 
conduct. Oh, how happy should I be, to have 
you, my darling child, thus to live in the fear 
of the Lord all the day long." 

* As Mrs. Ramsay did not keep copies of her letters, a 
selection could only be made from the originals in her do- 
mesiic circle. Others who are in possession of her letters 
will confi'r a favor by furnishing the Kditor with copies. 
The following effusions of the henrt are extracted from ex- 
temporaneous letters written by her to her daughters, when 
only absent, for a few days, on short excursiofis to the coun- 
try, in the vicinity of t^harleston, and are without data or 
addres ., The subsequent letters being dated and addressed, 
speak for themselves. Epitor. 

*18 



210 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

**I suppose you will keep church at home, 
as it does not look weather fit for travelling. 
I always think of you with more than common 
tenderness on Sundays. I think the serious 
observation of the Sabbath, is not enough at- 
tended to, even among professing families; 
but, in other cases, it is often a day of the 
greatest folly, because a day of the greatest 
leisure. In proportion as a respect for that 
day, and its institutions are neglected or care- 
lessly attended to, in the same proportion, will 
the religious principle decline, and the practi- 
cal concernsof eternity be carelessly managed. 
As a parent, then, full of anxiety for my chil- 
dren, in every respect, but most of all for their 
eternal interests, I cannot but regret every 
Sunday, which I think they spend in a manner 
not the best calculated to promote those inter- 
ests, and feel it my duty to warn you never to 
forget, that, the Sunday is not common time, 
and according to existing circumstances, to do 
all that you prudently can, not only to observe 
it yourself, but to make a conscience of not be- 
ing ashamed of such observance." 

"God bless you my dear child; may you all 
love your dear fatherj love me; love dear Miss 
Futerell; love one another. While the social 
affections tlius fill your hearts, you will never 



TO HER ELDEST DAUGHTER. 211 

be very bad children; but the moment you per- 
ceive yourself deficient in these sacred feel- 
ings, dread the encroachments of vice, in some 
form or other; make a solemn pause, and ask 
yourself, what am I about? Where is my con- 
duct tending? and pray to God to guide your 
feet into the right way by keeping your heart 
from evil," 

"As the eldest, I write to you. to intreat you 
to remember the laws of hospitality, and be 
kind to Mr. Montgomery,* to remember the 
laws of gratitude, and be assistant to your very 
dear and valuable friend. Miss Futerell. A 
great deal, my child, depends on your good 
example; on the observation which the younger 
children make; whether you curb your temper; 
whether you begin wisely to observe those 
laws of self denial, which will make you happy 
to yourself, and pleasant to those about you. 
I persuade myself I shall hear good ac- 
counts of you. If I do of you, I shall of all the 
rest." 

"I beg you never to m^ike any excuse for 
writing badly to me, because the time spent 
in writing the excuse would have enabled you 

* A sick young gentleman, who came to Charlestoa fpi' 
his health, but died at Baltimore, on his j'Murn home. 

Editor, 



212 LETTER FROM MRS. 

to do better. Besides, errors excepted, you 
really write a pretty letter, and 1 delight tv 
hear from you." 

"Mrs. P. has joined the church today, and I 
believe another sister of Mrs P. Happy those, 
^vho, in aiBiction, look to the Lord to be their 
comfoner, and do not slight his chastisements, 
by renewing their pursuits after happiness in a 
world where it never can be found; but so far 
as we improve it, as a state of preparation for 
a better state of existence, and then its pros- 
perities will not delude us, and its very tribu- 
lations shall give us a cause for rejoicing." 

*'I have felt more about P. and E. today than 
the rest of you. Such Sabbaths as they now 
are passing would, without great care, soon 
lend to vveaken in their minds, the obligation 
to keep the Sabbath day holy. Such Sabbaths 
as you are passing would impress on your 
minds the necessity, when we are distant from 
places of public worship, for calling our fami- 
lies together, and beseeching God, by his 
presence to make our houses sanctuaries for 
his service " 

"I felt it very solitary in church on Sunday 
■without you. IJut we had excellent sermons. 
I did not go out any where- and not having my 
morning bible readers, my noonday ci'.techu^ 



TO HER ELDEST DAUGHTEE. 213 

mens, or my evening hymnists, I had more 
than usual leisure to read and pray for myself, 
which includes every one with you; and I tried 
to make a good use of it.'* 

"I am very much mortified at being deprived 
of the horse when I most want him. But what 
wise person ever frets, and what fool ever 
mended any thing by so doing. I shall corrf- 
fort myself by saying, "if I cto not go out, I 
shall do the more work at home.*' 

"Mrs. H. is dead. These breaches in our 
congregations are felt by those, who know the 
value of religious characters; and make them 
earnestly pray, that others, from among our 
young people, may be raised up in their place, 
to keep up the honor and credit of religion in 
the world, and to set an example to those who 
shall come after them. 

"Poor Mrs. S. is very much burnt; poor little 
S. scorched; but you will be shocked v\ hen you 
come to learn the particulars and know how 
near they were perishing. What a lesson 
never to sleep without committing our soul§ 
to God in Christ; for we can never know in 
which world we shall awake.'* 

"I dont know whether you have read Rob- 
ertson's America. In this doubt, I have sent to 
the library for Anquetil, or the first volume of 



214 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY 



Hollin, an author who, although prolix, and in 
some degree credulous, ought by all means to 
be read. I couid wish you, before you proceed 
much farther in history, to read Priestley's 
Lectures on that subject, which I think you 
Fill find very useful. Bear always in mind, 
that he is a Socinian; for his principles tine" 
ture every thing he writes. Profit by his 
science, while yt)u lament his errors in divin- 
ity, and hang on the only hope of everlasting 
life set before you." 

"I send Plutarch, and would have sent some 
other very pretty books, if it had not been for 
your prohibition. So — - — will not write to 
me; I must tell him, Mr. Richardson places the 
writing of his three most successful and ad- 
mired works, to his having been employed? 
when under eleven years of age, to write let- 
ters for some young ladies to their friends and 
admirers. I am afraid at the rate- goes on, 

•we shall never see a Pamela from his hand." 

On the Sunday preceding the pulling down 
the old white meeting, to erect in its place the 
present circular church, an appropriate sermon 
was preached by Dr. Hollinshead. The cii'- 
cumstanccs of the case, were stated in a letter? 
from which the following extract is made; 
^'Somc foolish girls laughed at the parting ser- 



Td HER ELDEST DAUGHTER. 2lS 

tnon. Some feeling ones cried, and many of 
the old standards were very much affected. I 
was among this number; but my feelings were 
rather pleasurable than otherwise; for I con- 
fess the pulling down a decaying edifice, to 
build a more convenient and handsome one, 
made me think of the pulling down of the de- 
caying body of a saint, by death, to build it up 
anew, without spot or blemish; and although 
Nature feels some regret at parting with oUr 
old bodies, as well as with our old churches, it 
is a regret chastened with a cheerful and glo- 
rious hope of a resurrection unto life eternal; 
but this is a very serious letter for such young 
correspondents; yet, I hope not more serious 
than their well informed mind will relish on a 
serious occasion." 

On the departure of Miss Futerell for "Eng- 
land. "If you don't all feel very sorrowful, I 
pity you; if you do all feel very sorrowful, I 
pity you. Yet I wish you all to be sorrowful, 
for it is in our circumstances a sacred duty as 
well as a tender feeling; and to you young 
ones, may be an initiatory lesson on the vanity 
of human life and human hopes; and teach you 
to set your hearts there, where true and un- 
changing joys are only to be found." 



£l6 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY 

EXTRACTS OF A LETTER FROM MARTHA LAU- 
RENS RAMSAY, WRITTEN NINE DAYS AFTER 
THE DEATH OF HER FATHER, TO DR. DAVID 
RAMSAY, AT COLUMBIA. 

Charleston, December 17 y 1792. 

MY VERY DEAR HUSBAND, 

YOU have doubtless heard, by this time, that I 
am fatherless, and will feel for me in propor- 
tion to the great love you have always shown 
me, and your intimate knowledge of my frame, 
and the love I had for my dear departed parent. 
Never was stroke to an affectionate child more 
awful and unexpected than this has been to 
me. I had heard from my dear father, that he 
was somewhat indisposed, but not confined 
even to the housej hov;cver, last Tuesday and 
Wednesday week I was seized with so inex- 
pressible a desire to see him, that nothing- 
could exceed it, and nothing could satisfy it, 
but the going to see him. Accordingly, on 
Wednesday noon, very much against my family 
and personal convenience, I set out with faith- 
ful Tira and little Kitty, and slept that night at 
Mrs. Loocock's; the next morning it rained, 
but I could not be restrained. I proceeded to 



Td HER HUSBAND. 217 

Mepkin, and arrived there at one o'clock, wet 
to the skm, 1 found my dear father indisposed, 
2is I thought, but not ill. He conversed on in- 
different matters; seemed very much delighted 
with my presence; told me I was a pleasant 
child to him; and God would bless me as lon^* 
as I lived; and at twenty minutes before eight 
o'clock, retired to rest. The next morning, at 
seven o'clock, I went to his bedside; he again 
commended my tenderness to him, and told me 
he had passed a wakeful night; talked to me of 
Kitty and of you; had been up and given out 
the barn door key, as usual. At eight I went 
to breakfast. In about ten minutes I had des- 
patched my meal, returned to him, and thought 
his speech thick, and that he wavered a little iu 
his discourse. I asked him if I might send for 
Dr. M'Cormick; he told me if I desired a con- 
sultation, I might; but that he had all confi- 
dence in my skill, and was better. I asked him 
why his breathing was laborious; he said he did 
not know, and almost immediately fell into his 
last agony; and a bitter agony it was; though, 
perhaps, he did not feel it. At ten o'clock) 
next day, I closed his venerable eyes. Oh, my 
dear husband, you know how I have dreaded 
this stroke; how I have wished first to sleep in 
death, and therefore you can tell the sorrows of 

mv spirit; indeed thev have been, indeed they 
19 ' "^ 



218 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

are very great. I have been, and I am in the 
depths of affliction; but I have never felt one 
murmuring thought; I have never uttered one 
mui muring word. Who am I, a poor vile 
wretch, that I should oppose my -will to the will 
of God, who is all wise and all gracious; on the 
contrary I have been greatly supported; and if 
I may but be following Christ, am willing to 
take up every cross, which may be necessary 
or profitable for me. I left Mepkin at one 
o'clock on Saturday, as soon as the body of my 
dear parent was decently laid out, and I was 
sufficiently composed for travelling. I know? 
by information, that the awful cerem.ony* was 

* This refers to the hurtling of the bofly of Mr. Henry 
Laurens,, which his daughter well kiuw had long been re- 
solved upon She had also resolved that slie would neither 
be a witTiess of the transaction, nor in the vicinity of the 
place where what she calls "the awful ceremony" was to 
be performed; and therefore, came away, very soon after 
the body of her father was decently laid out, and before 
the funeral pile was constructed. Filial duty constrains tlie 
editor to observe that this transaction has been grossly mis- 
represented by American authors, who onght to have 
known better. The liev. Biographer of Washington, goes 
out of his way to mention that, when Henry Laurens, 
president of the first congress, came to die he said, "My 
flesh is too good for worms. I give it to the flames." In 
Kingston's new American Biographic Dictionary printed 
at Baltimore, in 1810, it is asserted that "Henry Laurens 
directed his son to burn his body on the third day, as the 
sole coniiition of inlieriting an estate of sixty thousand 
pounds sterling.'' Both these statements are incorrect. 
Theic WAS no forfeiture, nor any penait) whatever, annex- 
ed to the non performance of the will of Henry Laurens, 
velative to the buruing of his body. It m as simply enjoined 



TO HER HUSBAND. 219 

performed last Tuesday. I liave never been 
able to write till this day. Our dear children 
are well. Eleanor comes to my bedside, reads 
the Bible for me, and tells me of a heavenly 
country, where there is no trouble. Feeling 
more than ever my dcpendance on you for 
countenance, for support and kindness, and in 
the midst of sorrow, not forgetting to thank 
God that I have so valuable, so kind, and so 
tender a friend; I remain, my dear husband,* 
your obliged and grateful wife, 

Martha Laurens Ramsay. 



as a duty. The motives to lils determination, for having 
his body burnt, are also mislated. Mr Laurens often 
spoke of his preferring the incineration of the de?d to their 
inhumation. His reasons were a belief that several pei-sons 
were buried before they were irrecoverably dead. 'I his 
opinion was perlnuis stronsj;!^ iiiju-es^ed op bis mi- '' ?!om 
what happened to his own daughter, the subject of these 
memoirs, as related in the beginning of this work He 
dreaded, as infinitely worse than certain death, the possi- 
bility of life I'eturning to him when shut up in a box in the 
cold ground, so far below its surface as to be out of the 
reach of human help. He also, consistently with scrip- 
ture, entertained high ideas of the purifying natnttj of fi;e, 
as separating all dross and defilement from the substances to 
which it was applied. "And I will bring the third part 
through the ,fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, 
and will try them as gold is tried," Zechariah xiii, 9. "He 
is like a refiner^ s fire, and like fuller's soap," Malachi iii, 3^ 

Editor. 



320 LETTER FROM MR^. RAMSAY, 

EXTRACTS FROM A LETTER WRITTEN BY MRS. 
RAMSAY TO MRS. KEITH, WHEN TRAVELLING 
IN THE NORTHERN STATES WITH HER HUS- 
BAND, THE REV. DR. KEITH. 

Chaiit^toriy September 3, 1808. 
MY DEAR MRS. KEITH, 

AS my letter is only meant to express the feel- 
ings of my heart for Dr. Keith and yourself, I 
request you will give yourself lio anxiety about 
answering it. 1 shall rejoice to hear of your 
welfare through other channels, and shall not 
expect any direct communication, till the time 
when Providence shall return you safely to 
your old habitation, and I shall again enjoy 
those intercourses of affectionate christian 
friendship, which have so often delighted and 
warmed my heart. 

Miss S. was so good as to allow us the read- 
ing of your very affecting letter, wherein you 
give an account of Mrs. W.'s renewed afflic- 
tions, and of your first meeting. She has, in- 
deed, been closely disciplined in the school of 
suffering; and one cannot read of her grief, but 
with a weeping eye; but I think it was a kind 
Providence, that sent Dr. Keith to her just at 
that time, and I make no doubt, she will sing 
of this mercy, and 1 hope also of many others 
In the midst of the apparent frowns of her 



TO MRS. KEITH. 221 

heavenly Father, and under the gracious, 
though for the present, painful chastisements 
of his hand. I have tenderly participated in the 
happy, and christian meeting with Dr. Keith's 
relations, and in all the well merited respect 
and affection, which you have received through 
all your journey, and I have been proud in my 
heart to say, well, this is our minister; these are 
our friends; in short, my dear Mrs. Keith, you 
have been in all my thoughts, in all my prayers; 
and no day has passed, that we have not spoken 
of you in the family more or less. Our city 
has been most uncommonly healthy, and yet 
there have been several remarkable deaths, 
fi'om which we may learn and fear, and be 
mindful of our blessed Savior's admonition to 
us, always to watch. Among these, may be num- 
bered Mr. M. who, after very a few days warn- 
ing, was, about a fortnight ago, called from 
time to eternity. By his death, a new breach 
is made in a family, which has lately experi- 
enced severe bereavements; and yesterday, the 
remains of that picture of strength and health, 
Dr. B. were committed to their parent earth 
with great funeral solemnity, and amidst an 
amazing concourse of spectators. His illness 
was but of three days continuance, and I be- 
lieve no apprehensions of danger were enter- 
tained for him, till within a few hours of hia 
*19 



222 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

dissolution. His youngest child had been ill 
for some time, and died about twenty four hours 
after its father May >ou, my very dear friends, 
continue to experience the guardian care of 
our God and Savior, through the renjaindcr of 
your journey. May you be happy in his pres- 
ence; and having enjoyed a full measure of 
temporal and spiritual blessings, may you re- 
turn safe and stitisfied; you, nsy dear Mrs. 
Keith, to a circle of fond relatives and friends, 
and you, my honored pastor, to dispense again 
to }our attached people, those instructions of 
■wisdom and piety, with which they have been 
S3 often delighted and edilied. From your 
affectionate fiiend, 

Maktha Laurens Ramsay. 



The following letters were addressed to Miss Elizabeth 
Brailsibrd b}' her attaclied and afitctinnate friend, Martha 
Laurens. 1 hey ai-e wiihout date, hut from circumstances 
appear to have been written in England, and conseqnent- 
]y between the sixteenth and twenty-sixth }cars of the 
age of the writer.f 

MY DEAR E. 

WHAT do you think of my begging your ac- 
ceptance of a pack of cards? Yes, I do, indeed, 
and sincerely hope you may understand so well 

f These letters are arranged in the order in which th^y 
Aiiere received. 



TO MISS BRAILSFORD. 223 

how to manage them as to be a contiiuial wih- 
ner. Those who play with these cards, seek to 
gain, not heaps of shining dust, but an inheri- 
tance incorruptible, undefilfed, and which fadeth 
not away. O, may we learn wisdom from the 
children of this generation; and not suffer their 
care for things temporal to outdo ours for 
things eternal. See how the gambler gives up 
his time and talents, and neglects his sleep and 
meals to gratify his ruling passion; and shall 
we, who have so glorious an object to engage 
our affections, as the precious Savior, and 
whose highest aim should be to love and serve 
him; shall we, I say, fold our arms in shame- 
ful inactivity and be content with our low 
attainments? May grace forbid, and may the 
desirable end in view animate our zeal, enliven 
our hearts, and stir us up to greater diligence. 
It often makes me tremble to behold the un- 
utterable ardor with v/hich worldly persons 
pursue their beloved amusements, and with 
how much languor I follow him, whom 1 
acknowledge as the Sovereign of my heart, and 
possessor of my warmest passions. I reason 
with myself thus; surely he whom my soul 
loveth is infinitely more estimable than the idol 
of these deluded mortals; and if I were as 
much in earnest in my pursuits as they are in 
theirfe, I should act as consistently as they do. 



224 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

Then am I bowed down, and my spirits droop; 
sorrow overwhelms me; I go mournfully; and 
am ready to cry out, I am no christian, no 
child of God, till the condescending Jesus 
speaks this comfortable language to my soul. 
t'Fear not, thou trembling worm. I am thy 
salvation; 1 have loved thee, and will love thee; 
I hear thy groanings, and thy complaint is not 
hid from me. I bear the imperfections of thy 
best services, as well as the guilt of thy worst 
sins; thy restlessness, because thou lovest me 
no more, and desires to love me better, shall 
be accepted as an evidence of thy sincerity; be 
not faithless, but believing; pray without ceas- 
ing; and leave thy cause in my kind hands; 
the men of the world have nothing to resist; 
every thing co-operates with their inclination, 
and, therefore, is their way for the present, 
easy. Thou hast mighty enemies to oppose, 
the lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh, and 
the pride of life are all in league with thy 
wicked heart against thee; yet, fear not; look 
unto me, the Captain of thy salvation. Though 
thy foes be many they shall not overcome 
thee; for I have undertaken for thee, and I will 
bring thee safely through. When these lovers 
of the world, having had their good things, and 
enjoyed the portion which they have chosen, 
are shut out of my kingdom, then shalt thou 



TO MISS BRilLSFORD. 225 

appear with boldness in the glory of thy Lord; 
and having passed through floods of conflict) 
and seas of tribulation, and thy robes being 
washed in the blood of the Lamb, thou shalt 
no longer mourn thy frailty and lament thy de- 
ficiences; but for ever thou shalt serve me 
perfectly and enjoy me fully." 

O, may we no longer be un grateful to so 
kind a Master; but with our whole soul and 
strength, renounce the world and follow him; 
may he shed abroad his love into our hearts, 
begetting love in us, and so captivate us with 
his matchless beauty, that we may be crucified 
to the world and all its follies. Draw us, thou 
loving Savior, and we will run after thee* 
Reign thou the unrivalled sovereign of our 
hearts, and let nothing tempt our souls to wan- 
der from thee. O, feed us, day by day, with 
the bread of life, and let the heavenly food dif- 
fuse new vigor and alacrity through all our 
members, that thus strengthened and refresh- 
ed, we may go on rejoicing in our way to Sion, 
and with holy transport praise continually the 
God of our salvation. 

I hope, Brailsford, you will excuse the 
length of this scribble. I have unwarily en- 
larged my limits, and I fear have trespassed 
on your patience; but the adorable Redeemer 
and his pleasant paths are themes so delight- 



22-6 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

ful, and to converse with you, an employment 
so agreeable, that I did not know how to lay 
down my pen. 

I think Mason deserves at least the appella- 
tion of a pious writer; and though his style is 
by no means elegant, yet the sweet comfort 
and spiritual instruction which many of his writ- 
ings contain, make them worthy to be read by 
all those who are in pursuit not of the shadow 
but the substance. 

I should have no good idea of any professor 
who could not delight in a sermon, however 
excellent, that was not delivered with the em- 
bellishments of oratory, or like any book which 
"was not dressed with the graces of fine lan- 
guage. A diamond, though unpolished* pos- 
sesses intrinsic worth; and gospel truths, how- 
ever expressed, are highly valuable, and will 
be relished by every sincere christian, even 
from the lips of the most unlettered member. 

I shall see you in about an hours time, or 
perhaps sooner; till then, adieu. Receive the 
most affectionate greetings from yours, 

M. Laurens. 
■♦■' 
TILL now, my dear girl, I never knew how 
much I loved you; the loss of your company 
pains me exceedingly, and I lament your ab- 
sence with unfeigned regret; from my first ac« 



TO MISS BRAILSFORD. 227 

quaintaiice I have been attached to you, and 
every month has beheld you growing in my 
esteem; but in the last week which I spent 
with you, you have entirely finished the con- 
quest, and imprinted on my soul your beloved 
image, in characters so indelible, that neither 
time nor absence can ever erase them. How 
often since the 31st of July have I wished for 
my Brailsford; never have I beheld a beautiful 
prospect, but I thought with how much more 
pleasure I should enjoy it, if you were with 
me, and with what satisfaction we should join 
in adoring the Divine hand, which so bounte- 
fully clothes the earth with elegance, and en- 
riches it with plenty for the conveniency and 
delight of undeserving man. 

As we are generally willing to believe what 
we wish, I cannot help thinking that my dear 
Eliza, feels for me in some degree, what I do 
for her; and that I have at least some little 
part in her tenderest affections. 

I trust too, that our regard for each other \s 
founded, on a noble basis; and that united 
christian bonds, our friendship will be etern^ 
I glory in an intimacy with one who seems |o 
sincere a lover of the Lord Jesus, and with 
whose conversation I have been so often Re- 
lighted and refreshed; and the very thought of 
our treading together the narrow way tha^ 



228 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAV, 

leads to bliss, rejoices me beyond expression. 
How much reason have I for thankfulness, that 
at a time when my heart is peculiarly softened, 
and I have an utter disrelish for all worldly 
company, God has blessed me with a friend, 
who will not despise me for an attachment to 
religion, but rather encourage and assist me 
in my progress. I recollect with a mixture of 
joy and sorrow, some moments that we have 
spent together, when free from intruders, and 
could with pleasure transport myself to the 
dear little room. 

Yet, dear friend, though mountains lie be" 
tween us, and a vast extent of land separates 
our mortal frames, do not our souls hold inti- 
mate communion! They do. 

Absent in body, not in mind. 
Our souls continue one. 

Shall I not add; 

While each to each in Jesus joined, 
"SVe happily go on. 

If in Jesus, it must be happily; what though 
fortune Ldl, friends forsake, and enemies tri- 
umph, let us walk together in Jesus. 

We cannot sink with such a prop 
As bears the world and all things up. 

OhI Brailsford, what unbelieving hearts 
must we have, if we ever distrust a gracious 
Providence, or indulge anxiety a moment. 



TO MISS BRAILSFORD. 229 

Who has upheld us from our mother's wombj 
and who preserved us in each changing scene 
of life from various dangers? Who but the 
same God, who is still kin 1, and whose com- 
passion extends far beyond our utmost thoughts, 
far, far beyond our deserts. 

Let us not fear tbem, but confide in him 
whose promise never fails. The rock of ages 
is our security; Jesus our advocate, and the; 
Spirit our guide and comforter. 

Each trial and distress loses its unpleasing 
aspect, regarded as the messenger of good to 
our souls, as the mark of our adoption, and 
our privilege, as heirs of Heaven. In Jesus 
then let us still go on; it will, it must, it cannot 
fail of being happily for us. 

To view him bearing his cross will sweeten 
ours, and make it pleasant. He having finished 
his work, and gained the victory for us; as our 
forerunner he is gone to prepare for us places, 
infinitely glorious, and sufficiently delightful, 
to counterbalance every troublesome incident, 
and each difficulty we may meet with in the 
nigged road of life. 

MY DEAR BRAILSFQKD, 

IT gives me great concern to be so long 
without seeing you; but as nothing save the 
20 



230 LETfER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

weather prevents me, I will not complain; for 
I think to be angry with the weather is but an 
oblique murmuring against him ut whose com-, 
mand the winds blow and the rains fall, I 
hoped that your dear mamma's spirits are not 
greatly depressed, and I especially trust that 
my dear Brailsford, to the honor of her chris- 
tian character, exerts her every influence in 
the service, and to the comfort of this dear 
mamma, and that her very countenance tends to 
dissipate melancholy. Am I not saucy to dic- 
tate to you, Avho are far more capable of in- 
structing me? I hope you do not deem it so, 
since I mean not to teach, but merely, accord- 
ing to the sentiment of the wise man, as iron 
sharpeneth iron, so doth the countenance of a 
man his friend, to speak freely to my much es- 
teemed Eliza, and in compliance with the 
precept of the Apostle, "to exhort her to love 
and good works;" besides, my dear, it serves 
the double purpose of setting me on my guard; 
for since the death of our pious friend, till the 
last evening, a thick gloom has hung around 
my brow; and very much unfitted me for every 
relative duty; but prayer and reflection have 
taught resignation, and blessed be God that it is 
with a degree of sweet experience that I sing; 

Trials make the promise sweef, 
Trials give new lite to prayer. 
Trials lay me at his feet, 
Lay nu; lo-,v and keep me thcie. 



TO MISS BRAILSFORD. 231 

To a blessed perfection are they indeed arriv- 
ed, who can number their sweetest moments 
among the times of their sharpest trials; and 
■who, in the deepest night of affliction, can 
rejoice in the God of their salvation. 

My highest ambition is to have my will lost 
in the will of a kind unerring God; and under 
every dispensation to lie as a submissive hum- 
ble child at the feet of a compassionate father; 
to be made one with Christ, and simply to fol- 
low the Lamb, whithersoever he leads, since 
we may rest assured that the end of the jour- 
ney, and the kingdom into which we shall enter, 
will sufficiently compensate for all the troubles 
of the way. I beg pardon, my dear friend, for 
having detained you so long; but when once I 
begin a conversation with you, I know not 
where to end. Burn, I beseech you, this scrawl 
as soon as you have read it. My uncle and 
aunt, my dear friend, are neither of them well; 
methinks I see your friendly bosom heave with 
sympathetic sorrow. I shall be particularly 
obliged to you for the archbishop ot Cambray's 
Dissertation on Pure Love, and will take great 
care of the book. 

My love to your mamma and Susan, and 
believe me, your ever affectionate 

M. Laurens, 



232 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

YOU will rejoice to hear, my dear Brails- 
ford, that I have had the most abiding sense 
of my own nothingness, and lived in the most 
happy nearness to my covenant God and Fa- 
ther, ever since I left Bristol. 1 don't know 
that I have been one day struightened in prayer, 
or backward in duty. The candle of the 
Lord hath indeed shone bright upon me, 
and the precious Savior hath manifested his 
pardoning love and merciful acceptance in a 
most wonderful manner to my soul. I had for 
a long while before been walking in dark- 
ness and distress, longing for a return of such 
days, as I had once experienced; and crying 
out in bitterness of spirit, O that it were with 
me, as in times past, that the shadows would 
disperse, and the reviving light break in upon 
my benighted soul; at length I submitted my- 
self wholly to God; acknowledged that his 
hand was not shortened that he could not save, 
nor his ear heavy, that he could not hear; but 
it was my iniquities that had separated between 
him and my soul, and brought me thus low. 
I bowed at his feet, desirmg to be filled with 
resignation, and enabled to declare him right- 
eous in all his ways, and just in all his judg- 
ments, even though I should go mourning all 
my days. I hated myself, because of all my 
vileness, and resolved, before the Lord, that if 



TO MISS BRAILSFORD. 233 

I could not find comfort in him, I would never, 
never seek it in any thing besides. I set myself 
more diligently to read the word of God; lived 
as much as possible in silence and retirement, 
endeavored unwaveringly to fix my eye upon a 
bleeding, loving, sin atoning Jesus; and with- 
out ceasing, said unto him, for thy passion's 
gake restore my comfort; yet not my will, but 
thine be done. I would not follow thee merely 
for the loaves and fishes, but be content to par- 
take also of the wormwood and gall; and, O, 
my dear B. when he had thus humbled me, 
aiade me to sufi^er for sin, and brought me to 
the foat of the cross; he gave me in a moment 
that which he had so long withheld, and sa- 
tiated my longing scul. From that time I have 
been in a most desirable frame, day by day, en- 
joying sensible communion with him whom 
my soul loveth, and filled with abundance of 
heavenly consolation. My conscience has been 
made very tender, and I am more than ever 
fearful of grieving the Spirit of God, and fall- 
ing into such a course of folly as shall provoke 
him to depart; yet withal I have a thorn in my 
iesh, something to keep me from being puffed 
up with these large measures of comfort. 
Whenever pride begins to rear its head, and 
swell its haughty bosom, I think of that levity 
which tinctures all mv actions, and maakcs my 



234 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

behavior oftentimes very unworthy the profes- 
sion of a christian. I am now striving and 
praying most earnestly against a trifling spirit, 
and hope through the grace of God, that my 
labor shall not bt in vain in the Lord. From 
my first conviction I loved my Bible, but it is 
now become most peculiarly precious to me. 
I esteem it indeed, "as a bundle of myrrh, and 
a most delightful nosegay. " The contempla- 
tion of its divine truths engages me to live 
much in prayer; and the more I pray, the more 
disposed I find myself to search and study the 
scriptures. Assist me, my dear fellow travel- 
ler, to sing the praises of that Jesus, who has 
thus wrought wonders for me, and brought me 
out of great dairkness into his marvellous light. 

Rejoice with me, that I, who am less than 
the least of all saints, and utterly unworthy 
the least drop of comfort, should be thus bless- 
ed with the plenteousness of God's love, and 
satisfied with large draughts of living water. 

I was reading, a few mornings ago, the third 
of Hebrews, and I resolved in my mind to men- 
tion it to you the first time 1 wrote; it appears 
to mc one of the most expressive paintings of 
the dreadful nature of an evil heart of unbelief 
in the whole Bible; and to contain enough to 
incite us to a continual praying, that that cursed 
sin may not hinder us from entering into the 
rest prepared for the people of God. 



. ^O MISS BRAILSFORD. 235 

MY DEAR BRAILSFORD, 

WITH regard to our journey, the hand of 
God, that kind and bountiful hand, which from 
the first moment of our lives has been show- 
ering^ upon us innumerable benefits, was still 
over, and with us to sruard and to guide. It 
was well worth being detained a few days in 
Bristol, to have the roads in the agreeable 
state which we found them; and I think I may 
learn from henceforward never to murmur at 
any disappointment, but to believe that every 
particular circumstance is ordered for some 
tvise, and good end. I am happy to inform you, 
my dear aunt's amendment is answerable to 
our most sanguine expectations. I hope that 
breathing this fine air for two or three months, 
will give her as much health as her delicate 
constitution will admit of. My dear uncle is in 
much the same state as when he left you; 
friendship interests itself in all the concerns of 
the beloved object, and makes its cares and 
pleasures her own; to you, therefore, there 
needs no apology for treating particularly on 
the health and affairs of my dearer halves; on 
the contrary, should I neglect them, you would 
be disgusted with my ingratitude and banish 
me from your esteem. 

From the window where I sil, I behold cloud 
tapt hills and lowly vallies, rural cottages, arul 



236 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

pretty chirping birds, which form a pleasing 
variety to charm the senses, and fill the heart 
of eveiy susceptible creature with sentiments 
of love and gratitude to the beneficent Creator. 
Our parlor commands a view of the sea, and 
as the wind has been pretty high, I have had 
an opportunity of observing the awful works of 
Nature, while the swelling billows, with an 
angry roar, dash themselves against the sub- 
missive sand. 

I hope soon to see you in Teignmouth; but 
should the decree of Providence appoint anoth- 
er lot for you, believe me, I shall ever be ten- 
derly solicitous about your welfare; your tem- 
poral, but especially your spiritual concerns 
will ever lie near my heart, and I shall never 
cease to entreat a merciful and prayer hearing 
God, for the sake of our dear Savior, to grant 
you abundance of grace, to strengthen you 
with might by his Spirit in the inner man, and 
so to lead you here with his counsel, that here- 
after he may receive you into those mansions 
of unfading bliss, which he hath prepared for 
every true believer. 

That the blessings of God may ever attend 
you, is the constant wish and prayer of your 
affectionate friend, M, Laurens. 



LETTERS l^ROM MRS. RAMSAY. 237 

TO MRS. WILSON, NOW MRS. SIMONS. 
MY BEAR COUSIN, 

1 SEND you the book, Doddridg;e*s Rise and 
Progress of Religion, which I promised, and 
which I beg you will accept as a token of 
my affection. I think it a most excellent 
treatise, well calculated to awaken those who 
are careless about their soul's salvSition, and 
full of heavenly comfort for those who are in 
trouble of mind, body, or estate; you are very 
much on my heart and in my thoughts, and my 
earnest prayer to God for you is, that he may 
support you in all your trials, aiid so sanctify 
them to you, that in the end you may have rea- 
son to bless him for what at present seems 
most bitter and severe; and to say, "It is good 
for me that 1 have been afflicted, for now have 
1 learned thy word." With sincere christian 
sympathy and friendship, I remain your affec- 
tionate M. L. Ramsay. 
October 22, 1790. 

NOTE TO MISS JULIANA HAZLEHURST. 

April, 1811. 
MY DEAR JULIANA, 

WILL you oblige mc so far as to lend me the 
memoirs of miss Elizabeth Smith. This book 



238 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

is not in the library, which is the cause of 
your receiving this little note of entreaty from 
you^ admirer, and aftectionute friend, 

M. L. f^AM^AY. 

To this ail answer was returned, b-it by mistake addressed 
to the (laughter Marlha, instead of the mother of the 
same name, which occasioned the following note. 

TO MISS HAZLEHURST. 

I SHALL never again be able, my dear Juli- 
ana, to reproach my daughter, M H. L. R. for 
writing a careless note, and still more careless 
hand, since her discriminating neighbor has 
seen no difference between her performance 
and mine, in either style or penmanship. 

From your favorable opinion of Miss Smith's 
Memoirs, I shall read the book v.'ith a prepos- 
session unfavorable to impartial judgment, so 
much am 1 influenced by the opinion of those I 
esteem and love. I am, dear Juliana, your 
affectionate Martha, Senior. 



TO Miss HAZLEHURST. 

IF, my dear Juliana, the contents of the annex- 
ed note, an acceptance on the part of the Rev. 
Dr. Kollock, of an invitation to breakfast the 
next morning, joined to the pleasure your com- 
pany will give us, have any weight with you, I 
request you will breakfast with us. Dr. Kol- 



TO MISS HAZLEHURST. 239 

lock was the first person who mentioned Eliz- 
abeth Smith to us with tender encomium. You 
have known how to appreciate her merit; and 
I believe so sincere has been your admira- 
tion (JT it, that in the most valuable' circum- 
starces of her life, you are imitating her ex- 
ample. I hope I shall feel that you are as oblig- 
ing to those you love, as she was, by your 
permitting me to introduce a person on whom 
maternal care has been so well bestowed, to a 
gentleman, (Dr. KoUock) so capable of valuing 
female merit. I remain your affectionate. 

Patty. 
April 9, 1811. 



TO MISS HAZLEHURST. 

IF you are not acquainted with bishop Tay- 
lor's writings, 1 am persuaded you will find 
many things in the book (Taylor's Holy Living 
and Dying) which I send you, which v.ill be 
pleasing to your intelligent and pious mind. 
The devotions for solemn festivals are, I think, 
very pathetic, and shew him to have been a man 
deeply exercised in religious matters. If they 
contribute to edification or consolation, I shall 
rejoice to have thouglit of the book and of you 
at tiie same time. From your affectionate 
friend, Martha Laurens Ramsay. 

Apr^m^ 1811. 



240 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

Charleston, j^anuary 10, 1794. 
MY DEAR MISS SPROAT, 

THE wish you express in Mrs. Keith's letter 
that I should write to you, is of that nature, that 
I cannot refuse to comply with it; and were wy 
ahility to say any thing to the purpose on the 
subject, equal to my feelings and sympathy on 
the sad occasion of your sorrows, I should not 
write in vain; but alas, in such mournful sea- 
sons as you have experienced, vain is the help 
of man. None, but the hand which has smit- 
ten, can heal, and God, that has cast down, can 
alone raise and support the afflicted and deject- 
ed soul. Yet I know it is our duty to weep, with 
those that weep, and our privilege to draw nigh 
to the throne of Grace for others as well as for 
ourselves. I hope I have not failed in this duty, 
or in the exercise of this privilege with regard 
to your family. You have been very much in my 
thoughts and on my heart, and by day, and by 
night, I have not ceased to make mention of you 
in my prayers, that God would be your refuge 
and strength, a very present help in trouble. 
Perhaps we never feel so much of the goodness 
of God as in times of deep affliction, when they 
are accompanied by that sanctifying grace, 
which I trust has had, and will continue to 
have its operation under the great and repeat- 
ed bereavements which vou have met with. 



TO MISS SPROAT. 241 

and are still lamenting. When the soul, with 
deep humility and sincerity, is brought to say, 
I will bear the indignation of the Lord, because 
I have sinned against him, and to lament that 
evil of its nature and those transgressions of 
heart and life, which make chastisements nec- 
essary, either to call us to repentance or to 
quicken us in our way: Then is the light of 
God's countenance ready to rise upon it, for he 
doth not aiHict willingly nor grieve the chil- 
dren of men, but sendeth afflictions in mercy 
to his people, that they may search and try 
their ways, and turn again to their God, who is 
only waiting for this return to shew them how 
gracious he is, and what tender compassions 
are found in his heart. When our eartldy com- 
forts fail, then we feel the blessing of having a 
heavenly and never failing friend, who is with 
us, and watching over us at all times; but 
whom we are too apt to forget in what we call 
the day of our prosperity, and never truly to 
turn to, till repeated and sore disappointments 
have taught us the vanity of all earthly ex. 
pectations and created good. Then like the 
prodigal, dissatisfied with our husks, and our 
far and desolate country, we turn our faces Si- 
onward, we call upon God our Father, and de- 
sire to be fed with that bread which cometh 

Oown from Heavenj and this is the Lord's op- 
21 



242 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

portunity; itisto bring us to this humility of 
spirit, this brokenness of spirit, this fitness to 
receive divine communications, that he sends 
us those afflictive Providences, which force 
our consciences to a stand, make us examine 
and try our ways, and lift our hearts as well as 
our hands to God in the heavens. Then it is 
that God makes us feel his all sufficiency to 
support and comfort us; to bring good out of 
evil; and by his divine presence and consola- 
tions, makes up to us all our earthly losses, 
and heals our bleeding hearts; and thus it is< 
dear Miss Sproat, that I hope you Mali be 
enabled to sing of mercy, as well as judgment. 
Great have been your trials, but great also, 
has been the admixture of divine compassion. 
You have good hop^e through grace, for the 
dear friends, who by awful Providence have 
been taken from you, that they are not lost, 
but gone before. Your dear and honored fa- 
ther particularly was ripe for glory, and is 
gone to receive the reward of his pious labors* 
And in the midst of your tears for yourself, 
your heart should feel some joy for your 
friends, that they have an everlasting period 
put to all their sins, and sorrows, and tempta- 
tions here below, and have their souls full of 
holiness; their hearts filled with joy, and their 
ir.oulhs with the everlasting praises of that 
God and Savior, who hath brought them safely 



TO MISS SPROAT. 243 

through their pilgrimage and fixed them in the 
new Jerusalem beyond the fear of falling; and 
now what remains for us to do, but with faith 
and patience to follow those who are now inher- 
iting the promises. God gives us line upou 
line, and precept upon precept, but perhaps no 
precepts sink so deep in our hearts as those, 
which come in the form of crosses. We hear 
good sermons, we read good books, but whole 
years of hearing and reading do not teach 
us so much of the vanity of the creature, and 
of our dependance on God, as the running dry 
of one spring of earthly enjoyment; and we 
hardly ever feel this the wilderness world 
which, in reality, it is, till some of our com- 
forts fail or forsake us, and we begin one way 
or other to feel very much alone in it; then 
we turn to God, and desire to find in him that 
rest to our souls, which we can find in nothing 
else. I am no novice, my dear miss Sproat, in 
the school of affliction. I have known outward 
trials and inward pangs; and I pray the great 
Captain of our salvation, who himself was a 
man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, to 
give us both such a sanctified use of our res- 
pective crosses, that we may be the better for 
them in time, and praise him for them through 
51II eternity. 



244 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

I trust the heavy cloud of your bereave- 
ments has burst with some blessings over us 
here. Our worthy Mr. Keith appears to have 
been affected and touched to very good pur- 
pose; and has given us not a few such ser- 
mons since the visitation on your city, and the 
deaths in your family, as show his mind to 
have been most piously exercised, and of 
which he will see the blessed effects, when he 
comes to find out those perfectly in heaven, 
than he can or than it would be right for hin* 
to know on earth, the souls whom he has edi* 
fied, strengthened, and comforted by his faith- 
ful labors among us. I have, by one circum- 
stance or other been much less with your dear 
sister than I could have wished; but I am hap- 
py to say that God, in whom she believed, has 
graciously supported her untder her pressures 
of mind, and great bodily weakness; and has 
enabled her to glorify him by a calm, and chris- 
tian resignation to his will; and I trust he will 
bring her out of this furnace as gold seven 
times purified. My dear miss Sproat, I pray 
God to bless her and you, and the remaining 
branches of your family; and feel my heart 
particularly drawn out for the little baby left 
in your care, that you may be a mutual bless- 



TO MISS SPROAT. 245 

ing to each other; and I remain "with great 
sympathy and aiFection yours, 

Martha Laurens Ramsay. 



Charleston, Sept. 13, 1796. 
MY DEAR MISS SPROAT, 

I FEEL myself under the awful necessity of 
being the bearer of heavy tidings to you; and 
I confess, that I shrink so much from the task, 
that I have hardly resolution to hold the pen. 
Nevertheless in cases of duty we must not 
confer with flesh and blood, but endeavor to 
act with firmness. Need I keep your mind any 
longer in the anguish of suspense. Our pious 
friend, your sister in the flesh, our sister in 
Christ, our dear Mrs. Keith, shall I say she 
is dead, or with more christian propriety ex- 
press myself by saying, she who has long lived 
the life of faith on earth, now lives, as our hope 
and belief for her in Jesus is, the life of vision 
and glory in heaven. She who but a few hours 
ago was embodied in flesh, troubled by sin, de- 
pressed by weakness, is now a glorified spirit 
free from sin, free from sorrow, and has for 
ever done with the evils of mortality; it is so, 
indeed, my dear miss Sproat. At five o'clock 
this morning, your dear sister bid farewell 
*2\ 



246 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

to sin and sorrow, after an illness (supposed 
to be an affection of the liv^^r) not deemed 
dangerous till within these eight days. Mr. 
Keith and the little girl lately taken under 
their protection had both been sick for some 
time. Mrs. Keith was complaining, but not 
enough to alarm her friends, till about the 
time I have mentioned above. From the day 
she was thought seriously ill, she has declined 
very rapidly, and for some part of this time 
her ideas suffered considerable derangement. 
Nevertheless she has given such testimonies 
of her confidence in God, of her trust in, and 
dcpendance on her Savior, even in the dark 
valley of the shadow of death, as are highly 
consolatory to us, who have witnessed them. 
As long as she could speak, she spoke for 
Christ, and when she had no longer the power 
'of utterance, with any degree of ease, she gave 
signs of joy, and short ansv/ers expressive that 
the promises which we whispered In her ear, 
were savingly, preciously, comfortably applied 
to her heart. And now my dear miss Sproat, 
what shall I say to you? I feel disposed to say 
to you, in the midst of the sorrows of nature 
and the bemoanings of sisterly affection, re-^ 
joice in the Lord, and again I say rejoice. 
Let the thoughts of her bliss, of the glory with 
which she is now surrounded, of which she is 



TO mSS SPROAT. 24T 

now possessed, enable you not only to submit 
but even to rejoice in this tribulation; and 
may the Spirit of grace and consolation, brin^ 
such promises and gospel supports to your 
recollection, as may be suited to your case, 
and which, did I feel myseli equal to the un- 
dertaking, I could but suggest; he only could 
apply. I should say something of our very 
dear friend Mr. Keith. Oh he behaves undei* 
this trial, like the affectionate friend, the 
tender, bowed down, bereaved husband; yet 
like the exercised, the experienced, the es- 
tablished christian. I trust he has learned 
many an useful lesson from our departed 
friend, and I hope he will now be enabled to 
put them in practice. You will excuse me 
from writing more at length; I feel myself 
too much overcome to be able to do it. May 
God support and comfort our dear Mr. Keith, 
Mrs. Spencer, you, my dear Miss Sproat, and 
all most intimately interested in the dear 
deceased; and sanctify this stroke of his prov- 
idence to many in the congregation, who have 
been witnesses of her zeal and sincerity in the 
service of our dear Lord and Master; that in 
addition to the good she has done, while living, 
she, though dead in the flesh, yet living in our 
hearts, may still speak to the glory of God, 
atid the good of souls. With my sincere 



248 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

prayers for you, my clear Miss Sproat, I re- 
main with sympathiziiiE^ regard, your iriend 
and servant, Martha Laurens Ramsay. 



TO MISS M. E. L. PINCKNE-y.f 

''That it is better to go to the house of 
mourning," is not only one of those assertions, 
Avhich, coming from the pen of inspiration, 
•\ve are bound humbly to receive as truth; but 
I believe, dear Mary, the experience of eve- 
ry feeling heart, which has gone on but a mod- 
erate way in the journey of life, will testify, 
that by the occasional sadness of the counte- 
nance, the heart is made better; and that sym- 
pathy with our fellow creatures is not only 
grateful to them, but useful to ourselves. 

I went early into the garden to breathe fresh 
air, and delight myself with tJie fair face of 
nature, and to cut some sweet flov.ers for my 
sweet Fan and you. None of your cousins 
are yet stirring, and I thought I would write 
a little note in their stead. The tone of my 
mind has framed the style of my letter. We 
are going this morning to attend the funeral 
of our dear respected Mr. Coram; and this 

f This note was not received in season to be inserted in 
the first edition of these memoirs. 



TO HER SON AT COLLEGE. 249 

evening or afternoon, our poor Jack will be 
carried to his last eartiily iiome. As we ought 
to learn good from every thing, I hope I shall 
profit by the lesson of today, and not only re- 
joice in the many sunshine days of my life, but 
to make a good use too of a cloudy one. It 
seems a long time since I have seen Fan and 
you. I think your cousins, as well as myself, 
would be delighted if you were to come early 
and drink tea with them. Darling Sabina, with 
all her youthful spirits, has shown so much 
feeling for poor Mrs Coram, as makes me 
love, and admire that sweet elasticity of her 
vii'tuous mind, thus accommodating itself to 
passing circumstances, more than I can ex* 
press. Adieu, dear girls, and believe me ten- 
derly yours, M. L. Ramsay. . 



EXTRACTS FROM LETTtRS WRITTEN BY MR§. 
RAMSAY, TO HER SON AT PRINCETON COL- 
LEGE.* 

EROM MARTHA LAURENS RAMSAY; TO DAVID RAM» 
SAY, JUNIOR, AT PRINCETON COLLEGE. 

Charleston, May 7^1^10. 
THE first thing I did when you left me, dear 
David, was to retire for a few moments to your 

* Many of the same kind, written by her on a preced- 
ing similar occasion, were unfortunately destroyed in 1782, 
when the College was burnt. - 



250 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

chamber, and relieve my laboring heart, by- 
commending you solemnly and affectionately^ 
to the good Providence of our heavenly Father. 
I composed myself as soon as possible, and 
set about my accustomed domestic duties. 
Soon after Dr. Abeel came in; he passed a part- 
ing half hour with us, and began his journey 
the same evening. I should be glad that my 
wishes and my hopes about the perfect recov- 
ery of this excellent and interesting man, held 
at all equal pace. But I confess that 1 wish 
more thai. I dare hope. 

While I was in your chamber, I discovered 
the little treatise (Dr. Waterhouse*s lecture 
to the students of the university at Cambridge 
on smoking tobacco) which your father had 
requested you to read, and which, in the main, 
I approve of so highly that I have given away 
half a dozen to persons in whom I am much 
less interested than in you. I sent it after you 
by Coony who says you received it safely. I 
hope its contents will not be lost upon you, nor 
the book itself lost by you. While we were in 
qhurch on Friday afternoon, there came up a 
severe thunderstorm; and while Mr. Palmer 
was in the act of praying for you and your fel- 
low passengers, the flashes of lightning and 
peals of thunder added not a little to the sol- 
emn feeling of many persons in the church, 



TO HER SON AT COLLEGE. 251 

interested most tenderly in the fate of the mix- 
ed multitude on board the Pennsylvania. 

I shall be Counting the days till I hear from 
you. It will be no disappointment to me, or 
rather it will give me no pain to learn that you 
have not entered the Junior class: to whatever 
class you belong, do your duty in it. Be re- 
spectful to your superiors, live affectionately 
with your equals; make yourself a party in no 
broils; but mind your own business; give dig- 
nity to the Carolinian name; write to me accu- 
rately on every subject which concerns you. 
Be not ashamed of religion; read your Bible 
diligently; it will not only make you wise unto 
salvation, but you will find in it excellent di- 
rections for your conduct in the affairs of this 
life. Your grandfather, Laurens, used to say, 
if men made a good use of only the book of 
Proverbs, there w^ould be no bankruptcies, no 
failures in trade; no family dissentions; none 
of those wide spreading evils which, from the 
careless conduct of men in the common con- 
cerns of life, desolate human society; and I can 
assure you the more you read this divine book, 
the more you will love and value it. I long to 
hear from you, and with tender affection sub- 
scribe myself your friend and mother. 

M. L. Ramsay. 



252 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY^ 

FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

May 14, 1810. 
I NOW write to you, dear David, to thank 
you for your letter from on board ship, which 
I received the day before yesterday; and which 
fW'ds highly acceptable both to your father and 
myself. 

If your father and I were not very loving and 
very industrious people, we should feel very 
solitary at present. John, David, and James at 
a distance; the rest out of hearing; and all the 
young ones away. These circumstances 
make a great change in our household, and one 
wrhich needs both love and labor to make it 
tolerable. There is noA^no^polite attention at 
the long table to wait till a servant is disengag- 
ed. Even slow-paced Jack is more than we 
want at owr lessened board. 1 now long very 
much to hear from you; it seems to me a 
great while since we parted; and if you knew 
the delight your ship-letter had given your 
pureiils as a mark of attention, affection, and 
home love, I am sure it would make your heart 
happy. My anxiety that you should behave 
well, and make the very best use of your col- 
legiate opportunities is very great. But I 
thank God, I feel much of the cheerfulness of 
hope» I know you have good abilities, quick 



TO HEiR SON AT COLLEGE. 255 

apprehension; I trust you will not be indolent, 
and that a manly shame (to be ashamed to do 
MTong is a manly feeling,) will prevent your 
adding yourself to the list of the Carolinian tri- 
flers, whose conduct has brought a college, 
such as Princeton, into disreputCi I hope you 
will feel a laudable pride in inheriting your 
father's literary reputation in the college where 
he received an education, of^ which he has 
made so excellent an use; yet an education 
much below what you may receive at the 
same institution, from the great improvements 
made in every branch of science since his 
time. I hope absence wont weaken your affec- 
tion. Continue to ttj^e us; the more you lovii 
your father and mother, the more you endeavoi* 
to oblige them, the wiser, the better, the hap- 
pier you will be; and at some future period, 
when standing in the relation of a parent your- 
self, you will have sensations Unknov/n to all 
but parents; the consciousness of having been 
a good son, will fill you with inexpressible de- 
light. God bless you, my dear son; your 
father joins in love to you, with your faithful 
friend and mother, M. L. Ramsay. 

22 



E54 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

June 13, 1810. 
AN open candid disposition endears a young 
person much to his frieiids, and must make 
him very comfortable to himself That sort 
of reserve, which arises from a consciousness 
of having wasted the time which ouE^ht to have 
been devoted to study; and beini^ consequent- 
ly unprepared fdr answering any questions pro- 
posed; or from a sullen unyielding temper? 
which shrinks fiom investigation, except when 
proceeding from tutors and masters it cannot 
be avoided, is a reserve so unlovely that I wit- 
ness it with pain, and I cl^iost earnestly be- 
seech you to strive aga^S: such a temper^ 
■which if unresisted and unsubdued, will show it- 
self on a thousand occasions besides that spec- 
ified above. Even an incorrect answer, if giv- 
en in an amiable tone of voice, indicating a de- 
sire to be set right, if found in error, is pref- 
erable to silence,, or to an unwilling reply, ev- 
en if a correct one. God has given you an ex- 
cel^nt understanding. Oh, make use of it 
for^fise purposes; acknowledge it as his gift; 
and let it regulate your conduct :^nd harmonize 
your passiojis. Be industrious; be amiable. 
Every act of self-denial will bring its own re- 
ivard with it, and make the next step in duty 



TO HER SON AT COLLEGE. 255 

and in virtue easier and more pleasant than the 
former. 

I am <r[dd you like your room-mate. I hope 
heisoiie wlio will set you no bad example, 
an ' with whom you may enjoy yourself pleas- 
antly and innocently. I delight to hear every 
thinj^ about you, and you can have neither 
pleasure nor puin in which I do not sincerely 
and affectionately participate. 

Eleanor and I drank tea with aunt Laurens 
last evening. Frederick, fourteen days young- 
er than William, was learning Fructus and 
Cornu, witii such earnestness, in order to be 
ready for Mr. Moore against the next day, that I 
could hardly believe it was my wild nephew. 
Mild John wab in a corner smiling^ and helping 
Frederick whenever he seemed to beat a loss. 

The girls all send their love to you; so do 
parnoble your good friend and sister desires 
not to liG forgotten. Mrs. Coram is constant 
in her inquiries after you; so are many other 
friends. It is a charming thing to be beloved. 
God bless you, my very dear child; may he watcli 
over your youth, and keep you from shame. I 
embrace you with an overflowing tide of afTec- 
sion. Martha Laurens Ramsa-y^ 



256 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

yuly 18, 18 !Q. 
FROM the tenor of your last letter, it may be 
fairly inferred that you are dissatisfied with 
the strictness of a collegiate course; and if you 
should not go through a collegiate course what 
then? Can you go through any virtuous course 
without economy ^industry, and self-denial? Can 
you fit yourself for usefulness on earth, or hap- 
piness in heaven, in any other way than doing 
your duty in the station in which God has pla- 
ced you? And if your chief ambition is, without 
caring whether you are as wise or good, to wish 
at least to be richer than your father and moth- 
er, will not a diligent attention to collegiate 
studies and duties he the readiest method to fit 
you for such eminence in whatever profession 
you choose, as shall enable you to attain this 
golden treasure. I assure you, many young 
men with less means than you have or are 
likely to have, for nothiig really necessary or 
comfortable, I trust in Providence, shall be 
wanting to you, have felt it a great privilege to 
go through a collegiate course, and have after- 
ward come to be eminent, respectable, and 
wealthy. 

I would never wish my judgment to be 
warped by my feelings, especially by offended 
feelings, to do any thing harsh. I would rath- 



TO HER SON AT COLLEGE. 257 

er even have it blinded by such afTectiDn for 
my dear children, as would make my tender" 
ness overstep perhaps the exact bound of ma- 
ternal prudence; both extremes would be best 
avoided. "Give me thine heart, my son," is 
the language of scripture; and where there in 
any heart worth giving or worth having, I be- 
lieve it is seldom refused to the authors of our 
being, the protectors of our infancy; to the 
father, whose fond ambition it is to see his son 
distinguished in life; the mother, who with a 
throbbing heart and moistened eye, is contin- 
ually addressing the throne of heaven for the 
welfare of her dear child; and to the sisters, 
ever ready to reciprocate the tender charities 
of domestic endearment, and ever cheerfully 
sacrificing something of their own conve- 
nience for the advancement of their brothers, 
I pray God to bless you, and to give you grace 
to make a good use of an understanding, which 
I am sure you possess, to give a right bias to 
energies and sensibilities, which, wrongly di- 
rected will make you foolish and miserable. 
With sincere prayers for your improvement 
in wisdom and virtus, wishing yoa an affec- 
tionate heart and industrious iiabits, I remain 
vour faithful iVicnd; your tender mother, 

M. L. Ramsay. 
*22 



S58 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

August 26, 1810. 
DEAR DAVID, 

I AM at present undergoing a very severe 
affliction, and have for a fortnight past been so 
much occupied and agitated, that I have let 
one post after another pass without writing to 
you. You know however all my mind toward 
you; have my precepts and opinion upon ev- 
ery subject which can materially interest 
you; and whether I write or am silent, my ma- 
ternal love, my tender anxiety for my son, for 
my dear husband's namesake, can never be for 
one moment a matter of doubt lo you. Your 
sister, Miss Futerell, expects to embark for 
Liverpool, on her way to London, the day after 
tomorrow. Business of importance, and the 
desire of being with her mother, become aged 
and infiim, is the cause of her voyage. She 
has been attempting a return to England for 
many montjis; but the obstructions to an inter- 
course between that country and ours made it 
i;iipossible to get a passage, but by some very 
roundabout way. Your father is more affected 
on this occasion than it is common for men to 
manifest. With rcp-ard to myself and vour 
sisters, need I describe our situation? Mhs 
Futerell is bowed down with grief at our sep- 
aration; and I think this is a grief in which you 
*vvill, to a certain degree, participate; she 



TO HER SON AT COLLEGE. 259 

loves you with a very warm affection, and en- 
tertains such an opinion of your heart and un- 
derstanding, that she is often saying, I expect 
great things from David; she will hardly ever 
allow me even to express a fear of your doing 
ill; and declares, however such fears may in- 
trude on the heart of a mother, and especially 
of a Carolinian mother, I have no cause for it. 
Yesterday she said to me, "I am going to 
leave you, and it is mournful to me to leave 
you burdened with care on so many accounts; 
but keep up your spirits; repose your hope in 
God; particularly, don't be uneasy about David; 
he will do well. Exhort him to be industrious; 
not to be contented with low attainments, and 
all will be well; much good seed has been 
sown by you; and I think it has fallen on good 
ground. He knows the truth; he has imbibed 
sound prirxiples; from time to time in his life 
he has thought very seriously; he will do you 
no discredit; and he will become a valuable 
member of society." I pray Qod, my dear 
son, her predictions may be true; she has al- 
ways been a kind friend and adviser to you and 
to your brothers and sisters; and is, I believe, 
as deeply interested for you all as it is possible 
for any but a mother to be. I nope you will 
now recollect all her admonitions of love, and 
profit by them. If you were a little older, had. 



260 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

\v€ll profited by your education, and we could 
meet the expense, I should have no objection 
to your accompanying this dear friend; and 
while she was transacting her business, that 
you should be taking, before you settled down 
in life, a survey of that world of wonders, 
London. 

Your vacation is now at no great distance. 
I hope you are not trifling away this prime of 
your days, content with sucli attainments as 
will excuse; you from censure; but emulous 
of ranking with the most studious, most pru- 
dent, and most virtuous of your companions. 
I wish I could inspire you with a laudable am- 
bition, and with feelings that would make you 
avoid any unnecessary intercourse with the 
bucks, the fops, the idlers of college; and think 
that the true intention of going to a seminary 
of learning is to attain science, and fu you here- 
after to rar:k among men of literary and pub- 
lic consequence. Our intention is that you 
shall spend the vacation with your uncle in 
Baltimore. You will be at Phiiudelphia in 
passing. You will be kindly treated by ycur 
uncle and his family, and you will find enough 
to amuse you in Baltinioie, winch is said 
to be the third city in the United States. At 
some future opportunity you may visit New 
York and Boston. But in order to accomplish ^. 



TO HER SON AT COI/LEGE. 261 

all, or any of these purposes you must be fru- 
galjancl not attempt to vie in wasting money with 
the sons of rich planters, who only goto college 
for fashion's sake, and whose lives are as use- 
less as their expenses. Your father is absent 
on a visit to Mr. Todd, and from the message 
brought, I fear his visit will be too late to be 
of any avail. It will be an additional grief to 
Miss Futerell to leave Mrs. Todd under afflic- 
tion, and a heavy affliction to Mrs. Todd, to part 
with such a friend at such a time. With all a 
mother's heart, I remain, dear David, yours, 

M. L. Ramsay. 

FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

September 11, 1810. 
DEAR DAVID, 

I WROTE to you not long ago, telling you of 
the departure of my dear Miss Futerell. Her 
absence makes every thing desolate to me, 
and your sisters more than sympathize with 
me, for in addition to mine they feel their own 
sorrow. I have in them, however, this conso- 
lation; that by every act of their lives, they 
show how much they have profited byher advice 
and example; never were parents more bless- 
ed than your father and 1 in daughter^; and I 
hope God will return seventy fold into their 
bosoms, the comfort they give to ours. Your 



263 LETTERS FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

time of vacation is drawing on I trust you 
are not losing your time for study, and that as 
you grow older, you are resisting every.' pjo- 
pensity to idleness or folly of any kind. Your 
judgment must be well informed. You have 
lived from infancy within the sound of good 
advice; and although some dispositions are 
restive under any advice that clashes with 
their present gratification, I flatter myself, you 
have a more ingenuous disposition, and that 
no effort on the part of your parents and 
friends, to make you wiser, and better will 
. finally be lost upon you. 

Could "you know my anxiety about you, in- 
dependently of nobler rnotives, I think, even a 
spirit of compassion for an afflicted friend 
would make you conduct yourself wisely. In 
the course of a life, not yet very long, I have 
seen many young persons, with every possible 
advantage for cultivating their talents, im- 
proving thuir minds, and becoming estimable 
members of society lost to themselves, a dis- 
grace to their friends, plagues to society, or 
mere cyphers in it, from indolence, a slight 
manner of pursuing their studies, smoking, 
drinking, an excessive love of finery, of trifling 
company, or some similar evil indulged in, be- 
tween the age of fifteen and twenty. Oh, how 
I shudder, and what a death like faintness 



ta HER SON AT COLLEGE. 263 

and oppression seizes my poor heart, at the 
thoughts of how I stand in the persons of sons 
exposed to such a calamity. With bended 
Iknees, and , streaming ejnesj" I pray my God, 
send me hjelp, and wardxjff such a stroke. I 
have also seen those who with very scanty 
means, and almo4 under every possible disad- 
vant^e) have, under the smiles of heaven, been 
frii^ds, n«oney, advice to themselves, and have 
lisen to shine as lights in the world. Others 
again, I have seen, who not having to struggle 
like these last,constantly.against wind and tide, 
and supported only by their own e{rortS5but situ- 
ated like yourself under happier circumstances, 
have repaid the labors of a father, and the ten- 
der exertions of a mother, by doing their part 
well, and returning home from their different 
seminaries of education, just such as their 
parents could wish. Oh, my God, grant that 
this may be the case with us; preserve David 
from every evil way; give him grace to make 
a good use of the powers thou hast giv- 
en him; and let him not waste the morning of 

^his days in any trifling pursuit, or disgrace it 

^by any thing vicious or ignoble. 

Dr. Keith gave us, yesterday, an excellent 
sermon on these words; "Who can under- 
stand his errors?. Cleanse thou me from secret 
faults." We ought, dear child, to take great 



264 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

pains to understand our errors. We have ev- 
ery one, by nature, some secret error, some 
constitutional defect or vice. In childhood, 
the advice or authority of parents may re- 
strain it; still it is there; as we grow older, 
we must watch for ourselves, restrain our- 
iselves, look up to God for help, while we ex- 
ercise such acts of self denial, as shall break 
the bias, and keep it from producing a vicious 
habit, which, alas, may become too strong for 
tis, and be our curse and our master as long as 
we live. Persons, about your time of life, are 
apt to think themselves very wise; and to pay 
very slender attention to the advice of their su- 
periors; this is a very great error; as by such 
conduct, they not only deprive themselves of the 
experience of those older and wiser than them- 
selves, but they appear, and really are very un«. 
lovely in their tempers, to those who reprove or 
advise them, whether parents or others. At your 
time of life every false appearance of pleasure 
is taken for a reality, and the restraints of 
virtuous industry and hard study a burden too 
heavy to be borne. May God give you wis- 
dom to understand your errors., and a manly 
resolution to resist every temptation to evil, 
make you lovely in your temper, diligent in 
the pursuits of useful science, and enable yoU) 
by conciliatory and engaging manners, to make 



TO HER SON AT COLLEGE. 265 

friends to yourself amoni^ the wise and good 
wherever you go. 

I will do all in my power for my dear chil- 
dren, and must then leave the event to God 
and their own exertions. I hope they will 
reap the benefit of my labors, when I shall be 
quietly resting from them. J hope you will 
always look on Dr. Smith, n6t only as presi- 
dent of the college, but as a very dear friend 
of your mother, and so accustomed to youth 
as to know every twisting and turning of 
their hearts, and capable of giving them the 
best advice. When yoii go to your uncle's, 
tell me all about them; you know they are 
strangers to me, though relations, except him- 
self, and from your uncle I received such 
brotherly affection, as entirely gained my 
heart. 

Dr. Waddel has much trouble from the in- 
creased number of his town boys; the Charles- 
tonians carry their idleness, their impatience 
of control, their extravagance, their self conse- 
quence with them wherever they go, and even 
the best of them are, in general, far inferior to 
what, with their quick capacilicb', and lively 
imaginations, they might be, if they v.ould 
make the virtuous endeavor. I remain with 
great affection, your friend and mother, 

Martha Laurens Ramsay. 
23 



266 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

November 7, 1810. 
DEAR DAVID, 

THE number of my letters should be no rule 
foiyou; you know well the state of my health, 
and of my affairs, and that every letter I write is 
in the time stolen from sleep or business, for my 
eyes do not permit my writing in the evening, 
my only season of leisure. Since your sister's 
departure, I have still more to do with less 
spirits for performance; and during the last 
month every housekeeper in the interior of 
the city has been kept in a state of alarm 
from the dread of fire, increased by the dry 
state of every thing about us, from the long 
want of rain, surrounded as we have been by 
danger. I thank God we are yet safe. I hope 
you are doing yourself credit, and preparing 
yourself for future usefulness in life. I feel a 
deep ?.nd a gnawing anxiety about you; sixteen, 
seventeen, eighteen! ah, v, hat important years 
are they in a ycung man's life; hew ui'formed 
is his judgment! How false his views of most 
things! What, but heavenly guidance, can steer 
him safely through the peiils to which he is 
exposed from within and without, and yet what 
an age of confidence, of self conceit. Hov^ 
seldom is the eye turned to Heaven, or the ear 
©pen to the admonit ons of experience, wis^ 



TO HER SON AT COLLEGE. 267 

dom, or friendship? even the remonstrances of 
science, the reproofs of paternal authority, the 
counsels and entreaties of maternal tenderness 
are scarcely heard am'dst the turbulence of 
youthful p.tSslons, and incitements to irregular- 
ities. 

My tears flow, and my heart aches, while, 
with the mingled emotions of hope and fear 
for you, I thus pour forth its sensations. You 
are now far from me; 1 can no longer direct 
your individual actions; I can only give yoii 
good advice in general, and pray to God for 
you. One great guard of youthful virtue is 
industry. Be then industrious, and employ 
every moment of your time to some valuable 
purpose. I long to hear from you. I am wicK 
Eincere affection, your friend and mother, 

M. L. Ramsay. 



FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

NovemUr 21, 1810. 
DEAR D •V^k'P 

sr 
i AM filled wiiA extreme anxiety by your long 

silence; it is very mortifying to a parent, so 

tenderly attached to a child as I am to you, to 

think that, in the leisure of a whole vacation 

you have v/ritten but once. I have only heard 

r-f you, if 1 may so express myself, negatively 



26S LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY 



Your cousins, Charlotte and Sophia, who have 
written to Kitty and Sabina, express their re- 
grets, and those of their parents, that you arc 
not with them, nor from the advanced state of 
the vacation, likely to be so. 

I feel a stronger wish than I have a hope, 
that I may have been deceived in the opinion 
which you know I have often delivered to 
your father, that a boy of fifteen had better 
be at a grammar-school, than among juniors 
at college; and when he declares that with 
your good sense, your knowledge of your sit- 
uation, as one of a large and not rich family, 
and the necessity of your own exertions to 
enable you to maintain an honorable stand- 
ing in society, he feels confident you will 
never act materially wrong; I can only re- 
ply, I pray God you may be right. I shall 
rejoice in having judged erroneously; but 
when a boy does not write fully, freely, and 
frequently to his father and mother, the poor 
mother's heart cannot help feeling a trembling 
anxiety, that all is not right wiiij.her son. 

Your time for improvement! i^ill be quick- 
ly past; if it is not improved, you will find 
yourself grown up with the pride of what 
you call a gentleman; you will have no pat- 
rim.ony to lean upon; your natural talents 
will be of comparatively little consequence 



TO HER SON AT COLLEGE. 269 

to you, and you will have no talents so culti- 
vated and ready to be brought into action as 
to make you capable of building' up a fortune 
for yourself; and of all the mean objects in 
creation a lazy, poor, proud gentleman, es- 
pecially if he is a dressy fellow, is the mean- 
est; and yet this is generally the character 
of young men of good family, and slender 
fortunes, unless they take an early turn to 
learning and science. I could wish to write 
you many little local and domestic matters of 
news or amusements, but terrified as I am 
by hearing nothing of you; nothing from tjou, 
and interpreting this, no neivn from a cher- 
ished son, as bad news, my mind is quite out 
oftuneforany thing of the lighter kind. I 
was so much attached to my father, and to the 
uncle and aunt who brought me up, that I lived 
in the habit of the greatest intimacy with them; 
your sisters can hardly enjoy a girlish note or 
a party of pleasure unless mamma shares in it 
or knows all about it; and tins is so generally 
the case with virtuous andalTectionate children, 
that wherever there is silence, I dread lest 
there should be also mystery. I shall rejoice 
to find it otherwise in your case; and longing 
to hear from you, and committing the guid- 
ance- of your youthful steps to that God, to 
whom I pray for you by day and by night, I 



270 LETTER PROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

remain, dear child, your most affectionate 
friend and mother, 

Martha Laurens Ramsay. 



FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

March 5, 1810. 
YOUR letter of November 19, contains this 
sentiment; "A collegiate course is not very 
necessary to eminence in a profession." Con^ 
trast this with the following extract from a 
letter, dated 

Willington, June 30, 1807. 

"I WOULD not omit going* to college upon 
any consideration, for I believe it is very 
difficult for a young man, who has not had a 
collegiate education, to get into an extensive 
practice of any profession." Contrast "the 
necessity of spending much money in order 
to maintain as genteel a standing in college 
as is necessary to be respected," with **dear 
mother, I am now a very reputable member 
of society, I am made very much of by Dr. 
Waddel, and am beloved and respected by all 
the good boys in the school." 

You stated some time ago that, — had 
four hundred dollars a year; we know that 
from his mother, who said this covered every 



TO HER SON AT COLLEGE. 271 

expense; you have received money in the 
same proportion, and rather more. You now 
talk of spending one hundred dollars foF 
clothes. Your wardrobe must be unnecessari- 
ly costly or miserably laid in, and you know 
that you have no pretensions to waste from 
the idea that it will not be felt by your par- 
ents; you are well aware that it is with much 
exertion we provide what is comfortable, 
and have no money to throw away. What 
p weak mind you must have, and how much 
have I been deceived in its texture, if you 
suppose that foppish clothes and foolish ex- 
penses, or what you call "a genteel appear- 
ance" will make you respectable. 

I feel more pride, more consciousness of 
being a lady, by having every thing about my 
person, the persons of my children, my house- 
hold, in the plainest style of decency, than i 
possibly could by endeavoring to cover our 
moderate circumstances by a tinsel veil of fine- 
ry, which would deceive no one, and only 
show the shallowness of my understanding. 

With prudence, one hundred dollars will 
go a great way; without it, ten times the sum 
will be like water put into a sieve. A gentle- 
man lately returned a graduate from Cam- 
bridge, informs me he never spent three hun- 
dred dollars a year at college. A lad, sob to 



272 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY, 

perhaps the richest parents in Carolina, with 
only one brother to divide the inheritance, 
wrote to request his mother, that let him so- 
licit ever so earnestly, his parents would never 
furnish him with more than five hundred dol- 
lars; for that sum would enable him to do 
many foolish and many generous things, and 
all beyond it would be shameful dissipation, to 
which he knew he was too much disposed, and 
therefore requested temptation might not be 
administered to him. 

Mr. T. S. Grimke assured me, that with 
four hundred dollars one might live well at 
New Haven, and purchase many books; but 
why multiply examples. The real expense 
of boarding and tuition in colleges is a matter 
well known from printed statements; it is 
easy, therefore, to calculate what beyond it 
is necessary for the clothing, pocket money, 
and conveniences of a young man, who does 
not go to college to be a fashionist, to sport 
various changes of apparel, to drink, to smoke, 
to game, but to lay in a sufficient stock of 
knowledge, and to attain such literary honors 
as may be the foundation of futurf- usefulness, 
u fortune to him. With regard to "your spend* 
ing a couple of succeeding years in Charleston, 
I will oppose all my influence to so mad a 
scheme. You should rather spend them in 



TO HER SON AT COLLEGE. 273 

the Indian country, and learn the rugged vir- 
tues of savages, than in the desultory, dis- 
sipated habits of Charleston. I flatter myself 
your last letter was written under the transient 
impression of some juvenile folly, which is air 
ready dissipated, and that your next letter will 
be more judicious, better reasoned, and in ev- 
ery respect more worthy yourself. I feel deep- 
ly anxious about you; your long silence, the 
silence of Dr. Smith, after having been my 
correspondent for so many years, all perplex 
me. I cast you and all my cares on Godi 
praying him to give you wisdom, and to grant 
me support in every event. Pause, and consid- 
er what you are about; a few wrong steps are 
easier trodden back than many. May God 
take care of you. Your aifectionate mother. 

M. L. Ramsay. 



JROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

March 11, 1811. 
DEAR CHILD, 

YOUR last letter was written in a strain of af- 
fection and good resolution, which gave me 
great pleas e; and I hoped would have been 
followed up by more such. I have been con- 
fined for upwards of a month, by indisposition, 
and have only left my house within ten days t^ 
attend your uncle's sick room. 



274 LETTER FUOM MRS. RAMSAY. 

It has been almost impossible to collect 
money, and with great difficulty your father has 
procured such a fifty dollar bill, as will pass in 
the northern states, which I now send. For 
the present, I avoid all remark, advice, or oth- 
er matterj for it is so near closing of the post 
that I fear losing the opportunity. May God 
bless you, my dear son, and make you a son of 
comfort and honor to your dear father, and 
your most affectionate mother and friend, 

Martha Laurens Ramsay. 



If an)'- slioukl object to the propriety of publisliing these 
private coafidential doirestic letters, the editor apologizes 
"by observing, that the importance of their contents, as 
cautions to youth, remc.e from their parents at seminaries 
of learning, iind a]so to pjrents as models for corresponding 
M'ith iheir absent'^sons, find discountenancing their juvenile 
follies, outweighs, in his opinion, all minor considerations. 

In justice to the youth, to whom these letters were ad- 
dressed, it is declared, that he has never incurred any col- 
lege censure, nor has he ever been charged with any im- 
moral conduct; that his standing in his class was always, 
and nosv is reputable, and his prospect fair for obtaining 
the degree of A B before his eighteenth year is com- 
pleted; and that the friendly monitions of his mother were 
not so much reproofs for what had taken place, as pro- 
visional guards against wliat might take place in future; 
and that there is good reason to believe that these letters, 
in concurrence with other moral causes, have had the de- 
sired ef/ect of confirming him in the steady pursuit of 
knowledge and virtue. 

The letters were', at the request of the editor, to whom 
tlieir contents were unknown, promptly sent to him from: 
Princeton in July, 1811, though the intention of publishing 
them was communicated in the same letter which aKkeil 
#br their transmission. Editor. 



LETTERS FROM MRS. RAMSAY. 



Mrs. Ramsay's sister, Mary Eleanor Pinckney, departed 
this life in 1794, and in tiie 25th year of her age, leaving 
two daughters and a son. These naturally excited the 
tenderest feelings of their affectionate aunt As they 
grew up, an interchange of kind offices almost daily pass- 
ed between tliem. To accommodate toher young friends, 
their aunt laid aside the superiority, which age and rela- 
tionship gave her, and, placing her nieces on the footing 
of daughters, mingled souls with them, as equal friends, 
and exchanged notes with them, which were frequently 
written with a pencil, and most of them without dates. 
Ffom these the following are selected, as a specimen of 
the playfulness of her imagination, and an evidence of the 
overilowings of her love, Misliing to injpart cheerfulness 
and commuuieate happiness to all around her. 

TO FRAMCF.S HENRIETTA PINCKNEY. 

YOU shall not be jealous, Dear Fan, about 
not receiving a letter from me, after such a 
sweet, feeling note, as you have written me. 
Cherish, my darling niece, those warm sensi- 
bilities for your fellow creatures, and notwith- 
standing the various ills that ''flesh is heir to,'* 
they will yield you more pleasure in going 
through life, than ever theywiil produce you un- 
mingled pain. lam really proud of your note, 
and think how happy I am in daughters both at 
home and a little way oft*. I feel less grieved 
that you do not flatter me with the hopes of a 
visit this evening, as Eleanor and Patty are 
going to Mrs. Jones's; and will, I dare say, 
make you a fly, or perhaps, a long teazing 
^srAisquito of a visit. Weil I do love Sunday 



276 LETTERS FROM MRS. RAMSAY. 

on many accounts; and as William, in the an- 
ticipation of his pocket money, often says to 
me, when will Saturday come? So I, besides 
rejoicing in the religious blessings of the 
Sunday, often say, when will Sunday come? that 
I may be sure of my Meeting streeters. Good 
bye, dear Fan, tell Mary to turn that naughty 
cold out of doors, or I won't send her any 
flowers for her bow pot, for I shall be afraid, 
that smelling those sweet roses too much has 
hurt her delicate nerves, and made her feel as 
if she had a cold. From your affectionate, 

M. L. Ramsay. 



FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME, 

I REGRET, dear Fan, that you should think 
it late, when you left us, if it implies that you 
found the evening tedious. I was in hopes 
you had been amused in your corner as we 
■were in ours, and I believe on our side the 
chimney, we felt sorry for the signal of "more 
house." I have just dismissed my scholars, 
and feel a little like a tired old schoolmaster, 
so you must excuse this short note. I hear Patty 
capering about in the hcighday of youth and 
freedom from care, s© I rcfvn* vou to her for 



LETTERS FROM MRS. RAMSAY. 277 

something amusing, and conclude with my 
love to dear Frances and Mary. From their 
friend and aifectionate M. L. Ramsay. 



TO MARY ELEANOR LAURENS TINCKNEY. 

PRAY, dear Mary, putthe two sprigs of mig- 
nonette in a wine glass full of water by them- 
selves, and place them near you, that when the 
gentle zephyr wafts their fragrance to your 
delighted sense, you may think of your flower 
loving, and niece loving M. L. Ramsay. 



TO F. H. PINCKNEY. 
DEAR FAN, 

PATTY requests I will tell you she is so 
busy planting a tree, she cannot answer your 
note any other way, than by making me a pat's 
paw. I shall be very much mortified, if you do 
not drink tea with me this evening. It is by no 
means cold; and if you wish that sweet bloom 
to continue in your cheeks, you must let it 
sometimes meet the wholesome breeze. My 
love to Mary, and longing to see you both, I 
remain, dear girls, your attached and af- 
fectionate M. L. Ramsay. 
24 



278 LETTERS FROM MRS. RAMSAY. 

FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 

HOW comes it, dear Fan, that you cannot ob- 
lige your cousins by joining their party to- 
morrow evening? Patty's face is so much 
lengthened since she received your note, that 
she looks a proper lady Doleful; lest therefore 
we should think you mean to monopolize the 
beauty of the family to yourself, let your com- 
pliance with your cousins* wishes, dispense 
some portion of smiles and good looks among 
them. Yours with great love, 

M. L. Ramsay. 



FROM THE SAME TO THE SAME. 
DEAR FAN, 

Mr. OGILVIE called, in /ir o/?.r ?' a persona ^ yes- 
terday morning, to request I would hear his 
oration this evening. Can I do less than ac- 
cept the invitation of Mr. Ogilvic, especially 
as he assures me it is what he thinks his best 
oration, and will feel himself honored by my 
presence. Your cousins tell me you have 
some thoughts of gohig, and I shall feel par- 
ticularly happy, that it should so happen, that 
on one of the few occasions, when it suits mc 
to go into public, my dear niece should be with 
me. Pray come early, and yon must also con- 



LETTERS FROM MRS. RAMSAY. 279 

sider yourself as invited for tomorrow, when 
we shall endeavor to have Polls for Skylarks, 
Bonds to detain Nightingales, and some sweet 
singing birds to enliven the evening; but it 
will be no evening to me without my France.s 
and Mary, so come and oblige your affection- 
ate aunt, M. L. Ramsay. 

FROM THE SAME TO THE SAM^ 
DEAR FAN, 

YOU have made me feel almost as curious as a 
young girl with your "I know what I could say.'' 
And pray, Miss Fan, what could you say? Not 
that you are envious I hope. Remember what 
we have in hand, you still have in hope, and 
don't laugh at old folks. Here is Patty in a 
peck of troubles; her Mercury has dropt by 
the way the note she sent with mine, and she 
fears its falling into the hands of some curious 
decipherer, who will perhaps discover more in 
jt than it means. I comfort myself with the 
thought, that it will be found on your own 
floor, as it was put within mine. I have holi- 
day today, which is the reason why you have 
two notes. I really long to see you, and I love 
you with all my heart, only you must spare a 
bit of it for dear Mary. I remain you affec- 
tionate, M. L. Ramsay. 



280 LETTER FROM MRS. RAMSAY. 

FROM DO. WITH A FANCY NAME TO DO. 
DEAR GIRLS, 

YOUR cousins have deputed me to intreat you 
will favor'them and Dr. Ramsay with your 
company to HaddreH's this morning. They 
wish for you both; but if dear Fan is afraid of 
her sweet complexion, or has any other real or 
imaginary fears, pray Mrs. Moll do you come 
at once, breakfast with your cousins and be off, 
and let Fan come at her leisure, and dine with 
poor king George, who either from love to 
dear mammy, or some other cause, has deter- 
mined on staying at home. Now you young 
people, v/ho are always making me one of 
your party, don't let me have written in vain. 
You will have the pleasure of pleasing the 
whole noble race of Shenkins, and among the 
whole race who loves you more, than 

Martha ap Shenkins. 

These notes were not received in time to be 
inserted in the first edition pf the preceding 
memoirs. Editors 



tke end. 



Samuel T. Armstrong, 

Theological and general bookseller and printer, 

No. 50 Cornhill, Boston, 
Offers for sale, a large assortment of 

RELIGIOUS BOOKS; 
together 'wit/i a vast variety of valuable 
Publications in the various branches of 
science, any of 'which may be had on 
terms as reasonable as at any store in 
Boston. Libraries sup'plicd as above. 

He has just published 

A volume of SERMONS, by Dr. K 
EMM ONS, of Franklin, Mass. The 
volume contains twenty-one Sermons, 
never before published, price two dol- 
lars bound and lettered. Also, Memoirs 
of Mrs. MARTHA LAURENS 
RAMSAY, wife of David Ramsay of 
Charleston, S.C. This is the third edi- 
tion; price 75 cents bound and lettered. 

Extract of a letter to the publisher, from a respectabte 
Clergymaa in Massachusetljs. 

"Mr. Samuel T. Armstrong, 

**SiR, I have read in part the MemoIrs of Mrs. 
Ramsav with astonishment and delight. I wish every 
family among my people possessed a copy of this excellent 
work, and am determined forthwith to make sale for you 
of as many as I can . Will you send me two dozen and an 

half. Your humble servant, ." 

OC/'For a particular and accurate List of ray own publica- 
tions I beg leave to refer you to the Cover of the Panoplisfc 
ahft Missionary Magazine, or to my Literary Adifertisfcf. 



A new and valuable Work. 

SAMUEL T. ARMSTRONG propo- 
ses to print by subscription, a volume of 
SACRED GEOGRAPHY: or 

A Gazetteer of the Bible. 

Containing, in alphabetical order, a geo- 
graphical description of all the countries, 
kingdoms, nations and tribes ofmen,with 
all the villages, towns, cities, provinces, 
hiils, mountains, rivers, lakes, seas, and 
islands, mentioned in the Sacred Scrip- 
tures, or Apocrypha; including an ac- 
count of the religion, government, pop- 
ulation, fulfilment of prophecies, and 
present condition of the most important 
places. By ELIJAH PARISH, D.D, 
minister of Byfield, Massachusetts. 

CONDITIONS. 

The work shall be -well printed in an 
^vo volume of about 500 pages; the price 
will be S2,25 in boards. Those who take 
(jy FIVE copies to have a sixth gratis. 
The volume will probably be ready by the 
end of next autu?n?u 
July 1. 



Bibles sold by S, T. Armstrong, 

PRICES, SIZES, AND qUALITlES OF 

FAMILY mULES, 

Jny ofnvhich way be had at ARMSTRONG'S 
Theological Bookstore^ A''o. 50, Coivihilly 
Boston. 

COARSE. 

No. 1. Without Apocrypha, ^ler cojiy^ S 3 50 

2. Without Apocrypha, but with 

Scotch Psalms, - - 3 75 

3. With Apocrypha, but without 

Psalms, - - - - 4 00 

4. With Apocrypha and Psalms, 4 25 
38. With Apocrypha, lettered, - 4 25 

6. With Apocrypha, 8c 25 plates, do. 5 25 

7. With Apocrypha, 10 plates, and 

Psalms, do. - - - 5 00 

32. With Apocrypha and Psalms, let- 

tered, - - - - 4 50 

33. With Apocrypha, Concordance, 

and 25 plates, - - 6 00 



8. Without Apocrypha, - - 5 75 

9. With Apocrypha, - - 6 25 

10. With Apocrypha, Concordance, 

and 2 maps, - - - 7 25 

11. With Apocrypha, Concordance, 

and 10 maps, - - - 7 75 

12. W^ith Apocrypha, Concordance, 

and 25 plates, - - - 8 25 

13. With Apocrypha, Concordance, 

25 plates, Sc.Psaln^s, - 8 50 



Bibles sold by S. T. Armsirong\ 

28. With Apocrypha, Concordance, 

^iraps, and Psalms, - 7 50 

29. With Apocrypha and Psalms, C 50 

SUPERFI2','E. 

21. Latest and best Edition, with 25 

first-rate maps and plates, Con- 
cordance, and Psalms, sheep, 1© 25 

22. Same Edition, without Psalms, 

sheep, - - - 10 00 

23. Same Edition, bound in calf, U 50 

24. Same Edition, bound in tnorocco, 12 50 

30. Same Edition,with 10 maps, sheep, 9 00 

31. Same Edition, with do. and 

Psalms, sheep, - - 9 25 

35. Same Edition, without maps, 

plates or Concordance, sheep, 8 00 
39. Same Edition, bound in extra calf, 12 50 

COMMON. 

25. With Apocrypha, Concordance, 

and 2 maps, lettered - 6 00 

26. With Apocrypha, lettered, - 5 00 

27. With Apocrypha, Concordance, 

and 10 maps, -' - - 7 00 
34. With Apocrypha, Concordance, 

10 maps, and Psalms - 7 25 

47. With Apocrypha, Concordance, 

and 25 maps and plates, - 7 50 

.^:7*SCPIOOL BIBLES, at SlO per dozen, 

and gl single. 
Watts's and Belknap's PSALM and PIYMN 

BOOKS, a great variety. 
TESTAMENTS, PSALTERS, DICTION- 
ARIES, Sec. , , 

^^0 9 6 6- 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




014 418 474 9 



